Monday, September 8, 2025

2026 Special - ElePaper Action


I don't know the first, second, or third thing about Read or Die. All I know is that Yomiko "The Paper" Readman absolutely rules. She's an introvert who loves books more than people and destroys evil with paper. At least, that's the assumption I'm running with. Yeah, I uh... I probably should've watched the anime series or read at least a little of the manga. Thankfully, my ignorant self won't have to get educated, because there exists a video game adaptation. It's a doujin-soft that goes by the name ElePaper Action. Get it? It's like Elevator Act- of course you get it. Released in 2005 by EasyGameStation, players step into the shoes of Yomiko or the Paper Sisters to fight through 7 thrilling stages of 2.5D action.

I'm not 100% certain, but I think that this is a beatemup. Maybe the "proper" description is strategic action simulator. For starters, if your first instinct is to bum-rush every enemy you see, then you'll probably have a bad time. Yomiko has a basic combo attack that locks down most adversaries she gets close to. However, getting close is part of the challenge, since enemies will employ both superior numbers and projectile weaponry to keep the bibliophile grounded. Players who can't manage their paper or utilize the proper skills for every situation will just have to keep retrying the stage until they get it right. This isn't an especially difficult game, but it still has a learning curve to it.


Let's start by digging a little deeper into Yomiko Readman's toolkit. She has six different skills that are swapped between using "button 3". This is a three-button game, and they can be mapped to whatever control scheme works best for you. I'm old-school so I went with Z, X, C. If Z is the melee attack, then X launches whichever skill that is currently enabled. All of them cost a certain amount of paper. The most powerful skills are the costliest. There's a simple projectile that's good for chewing through enemies and/or eliminating their bullets. Shields work exactly as they should, creating a wall of paper. Useful if Yomiko is surrounded or as a stepping-stone to reach higher ground. The homing attack throws a bunch of paper, hitting anything nearby multiple times. Perhaps the most consistently effective skill is the spike-trap. Throw this at a group of bad guys and laugh as they're impaled. Well, maybe save the laughing for later and instead use the opportunity to mop up weakened foes or get away. Finally, a giant airplane can be summoned for big damage. It's usually too prohibitively expensive for me to bother with. Still, I imagine a ElePaper Action speedrunner has some amazing tech that utilizes it.

The enemy variety isn't amazing, but they're all designed with purpose. Robots use their heavy form to stop the heroines in their tracks, pelting them with bullets and lasers if they're not immediately dealt with. Soldiers come in multiple flavors. The Delta Force wannabes keep their distance, so their guns do the hard work. There's almost always one jerk in front with a shield. They're often grouped up, making them great spike-trap fodder. The Rolling Thunder goons - named because they're dressed eerily similar to those baddies from the Namco classic - pack heavier firepower. Their machine guns spit gobs of bullets in your direction. They can also carry flamethrowers or special blue-fire weapons designed specifically for destroying paper. Finally, clumsy maids will spill tea all over your clean paper, rendering it useless. 


No matter how you decide to handle these foes, speed is emphasized over most everything else. Every stage is timed, and those playing practice mode can repeat stages to shave seconds off the clock. Skillfully employing each of Yomiko's skills at the right moment to swiftly eliminate foes is pretty satisfying. Oh, but don't get the cute idea to rush past everyone. They will follow, creating overwhelming pincer attacks that'll ruin your splits and potentially your life. The first few stages are straight-forward, but the game gets a little more creative (and dangerous) in the second half. One stage takes place on a moving train, and it's pretty easy to get pushed in-between cars and be sent back to the beginning. This stage also has a time-limit, adding more stress. It's short though, so at least it's hopefully not a lot of stress. Oh, and yes, there is an obligatory shmup stage and yes, it's actually decent. Anyone familiar with the genre will have an amusing time. 


The Paper Sisters play very differently from Yomiko. You control them as a group, with Anita (the smallest) taking the lead with her strong melee capabilities. Michelle supports from a distance via her bow, and Maggie performs the costly skills such as creating shields, tornadoes, or a paper-tiger. Well, it might be a paper-wolf. It's a little hard to tell. Seeing as how the game defaults to this trio at the character-select screen, I believe they're intended to be the "easier" playstyle. Personally, I started with Yumiko, so it took a little bit longer to adjust to the triplet's method of fighting. Paper management is particularly essential here. Tempting as it may be, wasting everyone with arrows will leave Anita without any protection during the most heated situations, and that could lead to a Game Over. Altogether, they're not my preferred way to play this game, but I appreciate what the dev-team was going for.


ElePaper Action is a charming little game. It does justice to its source material by giving its heroines some fun weapons to play with as well as plenty of hot-blooded action. There's some depth in replaying stages, but you'll likely have had your fill after a couple of hours. My only gripe is that everyone could've used another half-second or so of invulnerability after getting knocked down. Otherwise, I'm glad this exists so that Read or Die fans could have SOMETHING. There's probably an alternate dimension with a Devil May Cry-like PS2 game that kicks monstrous amounts of ass. Shame.

Saturday, September 6, 2025

Arcade Appreciation - Flashgal


Today's arcade game is an oddity brought to us by Kyugo. They're probably best known for Wrath of the Black Manta, which I've been trying to forget about for almost my entire life. Flashgal isn't as bad. In my opinion, it's not bad at all. Maybe it won't go down as an all-time arcade classic, but it's got everything that matters in a side-scrolling action game. You play the part of the Heroine. I have no idea what her name is and neither does the game, so whatever. Anyway, she's on a mission to stop a crime lord, but since this came out in the early/mid 80s, it's impossible for her to stop anyone. Rather, the game plays out over a series of sections which loop until you've exhausted Gal's stock of lives. Hm... Is Gal a good name? No... that reminds me too much of Gal Gadot. Ick... Well, let's just go with Linda.

Besides the aforementioned crime lord, Linda has a lot of enemies. Like, you know how Ryu Hayabusa has a serious bird problem? Linda is the complete opposite of a dog-person, and I don't mean she's a cat-person. Every canine wants her dead. Well, she also has difficulties with birds too, though I can't quite identify what kind they are. They're grey with red speckles in their feathers. They're slightly smaller than ostriches and wear little crowns. Jump-kicking is the best way to deal with them, I think. Dogs though, you'll want to stick with punches. I've tried crouching and kicking them, but it never seems to work. Also, for the love of everything, please don't take these previous sentences out of context. 


Anyway, the bulk of Flashgal consists of moving left and right through auto-scrolling sections, knocking out would-be assailants with punches as well as kicks of both the crouching and jumping variety. You don't have to be a Kung Fu Master to grasp the basics, but it certainly couldn't hurt. Enemies attack in waves and from multiple directions. Linda's current position seems to influence where they approach from, so if she's standing in one corner, a bad guy is liable to appear in the opposite corner. In most cases, taking a hit isn't an instant KO, but it does drain power. Thankfully, lost power is quickly replenished by pounding or evading whatever you come across. The crime lord and/or a few of his associates will appear at the end of each section for a boss battle. Just stick to what you've learned from previous encounters, and you'll be okay. 

There isn't a wide variety of enemies, but the constant loop of fight or evade is pretty entertaining. Each adversary tends to require a different move, and when they work in tandem, it leads to enjoyable scenarios that test one's skills. The red-clothed gangsters carry guns. If you aren't on the offensive, they can pin you down, leaving you at the mercy of the dogs. Finding a way out of this dreadful predicament without dying or losing a bunch of energy is a good time. Oh, and if you see a green bird, make every effort to bash it brutally. These feathered fiends drop the LUCKY gun. If you can grab it, Linda will be packing serious heat for the remainder of the section. Seriously, she can just blast everyone away and there's nothing they can do about it. I love whenever this happens, and I've no doubt that everyone who has ever played Flashgal feels the same way.


The game also has multiple vehicle-sections. Linda gets a motorbike, helicopter, or jet-ski to ride through a dangerous area. Flying in a helicopter and shooting enemies down might as well be something out of a shmup, and is a decent little diversion. The other two vehicles only get weapons that fire directly above them. Great for nailing airborne cretins, but not much else. Obstacles in the road or ocean must also be jumped over, leading to potential annoyances where you leap a barrel only to end up with a face full of bomb. One other thing, all mistakes are instantly fatal, so expect more frustration than usual. Still, these aren't even in the Top 1,000 worst vehicle-sections I've ever dealt with.

Flashgal is a good time. Working within its confines, it delivers section after section of fun kick-punch action. It doesn't take more than a minute to understand the controls and what moves work on which adversaries. Shame about Kyugo though. This is I believe their earliest work, yet it's easily my favorite. Later efforts like Crossfire on the Sega Genesis induce nothing but misery in me. 

I probably should've mentioned the aliens.

Super Nintendo look - Phalanx


It seems like for most gamers, any knowledge of Phalanx begins and ends with the Super Nintendo version's iconic box-art. Fair enough. There are practically an infinite number of shmups that are worth playing, and not everyone has time for them all. Still, I'd be deeply annoyed with myself if I didn't say something about this extremely interesting game. Zoom Inc. had a lot of ideas that they wanted to try, and I'd say they succeeded with all of them. Hm... normally I'd leave myself an out by saying "nearly all of them", but I'm willing to put my nonexistent credibility on the line. Phalanx is one of those games that you should give at least one playthrough. 

You'll be piloting the A/144 Phalanx. It's three times better than every other experimental spaceship because it can take three hits before blowing up. The weapon-system also operates via the rule of three. You can have up to three weapons equipped at a time, switching between them to suit the current situation. If you're in a narrow corridor, the ricochet shot is bound to be the most helpful. Lasers that cover both your front & rear are always handy. Skilled energizer users can quickly eliminate tough foes with charged blasts. There's also homing, because how could you ever go wrong with bullets that do the chasing for you. If need be, you can sacrifice your current weapon to perform a special attack. With the right timing, this will shred bosses or keep you alive. However, there is substantial risk, since if you mess up and die during or after a special attack, then you're out two weapons. A myriad of missiles round out your arsenal. 


The 8 stages you'll have to contend with all have different challenges. By stage 3, the realization will undoubtedly set in that you're never going to see the same thing twice. Sure, enemies fire tiny red bullets every which way no matter where you are, but their behaviors and sub-weapons will change. The same can be said about the environs you'll navigate. The first stage is the standard "fly through the clouds shooting everything down", but the second takes place inside of a water tunnel. This massive tube of H2O will constantly push the A/144 back. Bullets and baddies that dive through the water are also a bit harder to see. What was once predictable has gotten complicated. I probably should be yelling from the roof-tops about bullets that aren't clearly visible no matter what's happening, but I think it actually works in this specific scenario. Though I suppose the fact that the player-ship isn't immediately decimated and thrown back to square one the second it grazes a bullet plays an immense role here. The easy & normal difficulties are more than fair. Shield-replenishing power-ups are pretty common, and you're liable to be drowning in extends after a short time.

Stage 3 is one of those rare diagonally scrolling stages. It also leans heavier into the bio-horror themes, which is a real treat. I'm particularly fond of the closing walls that appear multiple times throughout. They add a nice amount of tension and storytelling, like the powers that be are trying to contain these abominations (or to simply ruin the player's day). The following stage is comprised of multiple fights with larger foes, almost like a mini-boss rush. Things take an unprecedented turn in stage 5. It's the obligatory fight with a battleship, but really what you're supposed to do is navigate its interior to find hatches that lead to bosses. The screen doesn't automatically scroll as per genre standards, which blew my "I've already seen everything" mind. 


The final three stages send the game off on a high note. Amusingly, stage 6 is packed with asteroids and advertisements. I'm glad to see that the alien menace hasn't stopped this universe from continuing to crank out Lagoon sequels. Stage 7 takes place in hyperspace. There's plenty of room for maneuvering, necessary to avoid the squadrons of enemy bioships attacking from both directions. The finale is a series of narrow maze-like corridors along with a wide array of nasties. If you couldn't already tell, this is one of those rare shmups where I don't mind describing all of its stages. There's always something new and exciting to look forward to, and all of the risks ZOOM Inc. took paid off.

I'm of two minds when it comes to the boss battles. Their variety in both shape and means of attack are impressive. However, I can't ignore how enjoyable it is to immediately destroy them with a special weapon. If you ever find yourself struggling and still have a laser weapon handy, go ahead and fire off the special, then fly directly into the boss's weak point to destroy them instantly. This tactic makes for a final boss that can be eliminated in seconds. Just, be mindful that you don't goof up here, because trying to fight the second form with no weapons isn't a lot of fun. 


On any difficulty level below Hard, it's pretty clear that the developer wanted players to see the entirety of the game without too much stress. Like I said, extends are easy to come by. Professionals are going to have a couple dozen extra ships by the time the credits roll. The A/144 isn't a complete pushover without weapons either, so recovering from a loss comes naturally. Hard is when the revenge bullets make their appearance. It doesn't take much for the screen to go from clear to a serious case of chickenpox. If you can clear Hard, then you should try Funny difficulty. This is no laughing matter because now you're the butt of every joke. The screen turns red with death pellets the second anything happens. Apparently, anyone who managed to clear this difficulty received a special code that they could send to Kemco to receive a prize. It would've been hilarious if the prize turned out to be a copy of Lagoon. 

(I think I already made it clear how much I hated the game earlier this year)

Complaint-wise, I suppose all of the slowdown might be annoying. It tends to occur when the laser weapon is being used. There's some pretty bad flickering during the stage 6 boss fight. That's about the extent of the game's issues. I'm just going to say it again: Phalanx is one of those games that you should give at least one playthrough. If you don't like that conclusion, then maybe I'll come back in a week or a century with a better one.

Later!

Friday, September 5, 2025

Super Nintendo look - Rushing Beat Ran



I'll admit, I'm not really capable of writing a thorough review of Rushing Beat Ran. There are five playable characters, but I'm not interested in discussing what differentiates them from one another, tier-lists, or any of that other nonsense. It's all because of Wendy. She activates the neuron. She flips all the switches. She's the "HELL YEAH!" in my bag of HELL YEAH! brand potato chips. Now what is it about her that's got me twisted? One word: Piledriver. Wendy has a piledriver that makes me believe there's purpose on this mudball known as Earth. As soon as I start the game, my very being is dedicated to piledriving everyone, repeatedly. It is the most beautiful of beautiful things.

Before going any further, do note that while I acknowledge the existence of Brawl Brothers, I don't recommend playing it. Somebody at Jaleco got the bizarre idea that this arcade brawler needed maze-like levels, so they turned the Western version into a confusing mess. Maybe the intention was to create "depth" for what they perceived as a mundane brawler. Take my advice and stick with the original. Treat it like the straightforward beatemup that it's supposed to be. The kind where you bash a few bad guys, move right (or left) for a bit, and then bash a few more. Occasionally you'll come across food, obstacles, and weapons; all of which are self-explanatory. Okay, I lied. Food ISN'T self-explanatory. You pick it up by pressing the attack button and then eat it by pressing the attack button again. It's honestly a neat mechanic, since it allows players to carry food until they desperately need it. They're still free to perform leaping or dashing attacks as well as grapples, without chowing down on whatever they're carrying.


Speaking of grapples, let's dive into what makes this game sing. Once again, the main subject of today's piece is Wendy and her gorgeous piledriver. You're probably sick of my endless praise and have some rebuttal locked & loaded but trust me when I say that this is one of the finest piledrivers in beatemup history. It's efficient, fast, clears away anyone in the immediate area, and the grappling system is loose enough that you can chain piledrivers into suplexes or frankensteiners into piledrivers. The way in which Wendy links piledrivers or other grappling maneuvers together almost feels like an exploit. Without much effort, she becomes this unstoppable machine that's ruining every bad guy's day.

Keep in mind however that the enemies aren't hopeless lackies. In fact, they can do a lot of damage the second they get an opening. Several of them are also capable of grabs, and they tend to get priority over the player. Getting around this is actually pretty simple. Instead of trying to grab the first person you see, knock them down with a flying kick. After they're knocked down, they'll sit up and try to recover. This is when they're most susceptible to grabs. Once you get into the rhythm, you'll find that it's extremely satisfying to capture enemies in a vortex of dropkicks and grabs. Unfortunately, using the standing attacks or "magic series" as they're sometimes called, can reset an enemy's... uh... ability-to-grab-you state? Basically, if you're not continually knocking them down and nailing those sweet piledrivers, then they could break out of the vortex and take you out.


Rushing Beat Ran is challenging, but in the wrong way. Food doesn't show up often enough, so even if you're doing well, you're still going to have a hard time avoiding death. The bosses have a comically large number of i-frames, so the most you can hope for is landing a stray jab that stuns them long enough for a grappling attack. Occasionally, they'll perform a move that can be countered, such as the first boss' flame breath. Even then, that particular move has a hitbox that's far too big, making it oddly tough to counter. This game really would've benefitted from some score-based extends or at least more food. I'll be honest. I tend to play with lives and continues set to five. There just isn't enough of an incentive to play exceptionally. 

To put it simply, if there's an opportunity to piledrive somebody off of a building, I'll take it. If I can piledrive someone onto a landmine or electrified floor, then I'll do it. It may hurt, and it may kill, but it never stops being fun. Rushing Beat Ran is pure dumb fun. I don't care if it's unbalanced and unpolished. I just want to see my grappling queen Wendy crush adversity endlessly. Also, there are still four other playable characters. They probably have some kick ass moves of their own. 

Not that I'll ever know, because Wendy's piledrivers are all I need.

Thursday, September 4, 2025

Super Nintendo Look - The 7th Saga


Under most circumstances, I never would've written a review of The 7th Saga. It's nothing personal, but sometimes I like playing through a game and NOT leaving a review. It's a rare and special feeling that I want to keep close to the heart forever. Problem is, I got bored. There's way too much time between now and my next review project. Staring at the wall isn't cutting it anymore. Besides, I've got a surprisingly large amount of ground to cover here. This isn't just a review of The 7th Saga, the RPG developed by Produce! and published by Enix. I'm also covering the original Japanese release Elnard, a romhack known as The New Class, and the Randomizer. Don't worry, I'll try to keep the length of this write-up somewhat manageable. 

The 7th Saga

You've been tasked with an important mission. Seven Runes are hidden throughout the planet of Ticondera, and it's up to you to acquire all of them. After choosing one of seven playable characters, you'll set off with little more than pocket change and a crystal ball. This handy orb points out notable locations and Runes in your immediate vicinity, as well as any and all nearby enemies. In other words, if you can avoid all those dots chasing you around, you'll never have to worry about a "random" encounter. It's one of the several neat features that gives this game its longevity. Oh, and those six characters, the ones you decided against playing as, they're on the hunt for the Runes as well. They can either be a big help, or an astounding hindrance. For example, talking to one of these Apprentices (their name for the remainder of this review) can result in one of multiple occurrences. Depending on who (or what) you are, an Apprentice could ask for help, ask that you leave them alone for a bit, or challenge you to a friendly duel. 

Now right off the bat, we're getting in way over our heads, but that's normal for The 7th Saga. When this game was localized by Enix of America, they changed some numbers around. The idea was that these changes would make the game more difficult, forcing players to invest more time if they hope to see the credits. Mission accomplished, I guess. The only problem is that these changes create an RPG experience that only the most maniacal could appreciate. For starters, when you level-up, you actually receive less stats than you would have in the Japanese version. At first, it's a point here or a point there, nothing substantial. That changes every ten levels, for you see, upon hitting level 10, you gain an extra +1 to every stat with every level up. Once you hit level 20, that +1 becomes a +2. Naturally, level 30 heroes can expect a +3 bonus, and so on and you get the idea. However, those bonuses are almost entirely omitted from the Western release. Players are expected to work much harder just to get the same results.


Now this is where it gets ugly. I did just say "almost entirely omitted" didn't I? Just because you aren't getting those bonus stats doesn't mean that rival Apprentices aren't getting them either, because they most certainly are. Go ahead and challenge one of them and see how it works out for you. If you're still level 10 or below, there's a small chance you'll win. That chance becomes microscopic by level 20. If you're in your 30s and an Apprentice beats you up and takes your Runes, then you'd better hit the reset button. Now, one thing you can do is attempt to recruit someone who hasn't been in your party, because they'll receive the JP version's stat gains as long as they're not with you. Just be wary of the slight possibility that they'll stab you in the back. This seems to happen more often if you're Wilme (The Alien) or Lejes (The Demon). 

What's really depressing is that the Apprentices, as much of a headache as they can be, are still the least of your worries. The monsters that roam Ticondera don't play around and only seem to get exponentially tougher as you progress. You can very easily lose a fight to the second enemy in the game. If you actually manage to make some real progress, you'll have to contend with serious nasties like Mutants and Flames, who can eliminate a pair of heroes in a couple of rounds or less. Bosses are infrequent, but no less deadly. One of the earliest brick walls is Red Pison. He's the evolved form of Pison, the single-horned whip-wielding jerk who guards the Cave of Earth. This already tough boss ate a bunch of rare candies or whatever it is that Pokemon do and evolved into a tremendous son of a gun. Defeating Red Pison will require a lot of grinding, but not too much! There's a forced Apprentice fight not long after, and the level-scaling is designed to work against you. Some other cruel bosses include Monmo, who laughs at anyone that isn't skilled with magic. If all that wasn't enough, there's a possibility that you could soft-lock yourself by not grinding enough. The 7th Saga has a couple point of no returns. If your level isn't sufficient after one of them, you could find yourself unable to win a single battle.


There is more to this game than just suffering, but I'm going to cut the review short by saying "Don't bother.". There are much better ways to experience everything The 7th Saga has to offer, if you're willing to try one of the many available romhacks. They're all designed to make the game accessible to non-masochists. Some even go above and beyond by making substantial changes to character-building. If that still sounds a little overwhelming, then I recommend checking out Elnard.

Elnard

The original Japanese release of The 7th Saga is absolutely what I'd call a fair & balanced adventure. It's the kind where you can actually get an appreciation of each character's strengths & weaknesses rather than just sticking to whomever might have the least hellish time exploring Ticondera. I've mentioned Wilme before. He's the very strong (and very nude) fighter. He can't equip much of anything, but he doesn't have to thanks to his exemplary strength and defense. Furthermore, his natural talents receive a much larger boost from buff spells than the Apprentices that rely on equipment to win their battles. Lux is a robot with a similar skillset, though quite a bit slower. He's slightly better with magic and receives a substantial upgrade if you stick with him long enough.

Then there are the more traditional sword-and-board heroes; Kamil and Olvan. Kamil is okay at dealing with most situations, while Olvan trades speed for strength. Honestly though, it's not the best trade. I have to point out that agility is the most important stat in the game. If you're too slow, you can't hit or dodge anything. Anything includes both physical and magical attacks, so you could become almost untouchable if your agility is maxed out. With all that said, Olvan might be a worthwhile pick if you have B Agility on hand. These and other buff items make getting through the game a much more enjoyable experience, so keep a full stock, always.


Next up is Esuna, my pick for best character in the game. The robes she wears don't help her durability, but she gets plenty of speed to make up for that. More importantly, this elf is an amazing spellcaster. Besides the simple thrill of destroying entire squads of monsters with a single spell, she can steal MP from the survivors. The very definition of self-sufficient, Esuna can carry herself through most anything. I mean, besides that part where she's cursed and loses access to magic for a dungeon or so, but even then, it's not the end of the world. Pair her with Wilme and crush everything. On the other end is Valsu, who specializes in healing. His ELIXIR spell is the most broken thing ever. It fully heals both HP AND MP. Finally, there's Lejes. He might as well be the "Hard mode" Apprentice, because nobody likes him and his spells are a bit more situational. Although, force shield is pretty handy at deflecting magic.

While the differences between everyone are pretty significant, the level of difficulty supports every possible party combination. You can team Wilme and Lux together, and they'll have a grand time punching everything to oblivion. That's what I did in my last play-through. The game provides enough alternatives, including the aforementioned buff items, that you never feel like you're missing out by not having access to decent spells. Bear in mind that no matter your choices, there will be some occasions where a little grinding couldn't hurt. Even accounting for the JP version's stat boosts, nothing in Ticondera can be underestimated. A single spell might not be enough to outright kill your Apprentices, but half their HP is still a significant drop. On the plus side, enemies & bosses don't often have huge pools of HP themselves, so battles rarely take an overly long time.


Exploration in this game benefits from one of the most useful fast travel items I've seen in an RPG. The Wind Rune is the first that you'll acquire, and by far the most essential. It's a free warp to any town you've previously visited and can be used anywhere outside of a dungeon. So, if you really wanted to, you could warp from a shop to the entrance of the town you're visiting, just to save a handful of steps. It's so convenient that I'm shocked it appeared in an RPG made in 1992. Then again, there are some surprisingly friendly aspects to this game, such as death merely sending the player back to the inn with half their gold taken away. Stolen runes are another story, but at least the developers were considerate enough to forgive common mistakes like dying. I'd still recommend saving before talking to anyone. Duels aren't a death sentence like in The 7th Saga, but everything can go wrong in an instant.

Then there are the dungeons, which aside from being patrolled by tough monsters, are fairly mild. Only a few of them have more than three floors, and you won't be expected to navigate mind-boggling mazes that are filled with traps or false doors or pitfalls or... anything exceptionally interesting. Indeed, the dungeons lack slightly in terms of creativity. It's a forgivable issue, since the bulk of my (and possibly your) attention is spent trying to avoid enemy encounters. It's pretty thrilling to slip past an adversary and discover a clean route to the destination. Occasional encounters with mimics also help to keep adventurers on edge.


Elnard is a much easier recommendation for anyone seeking a traditional RPG with a few twists. The Apprentice system is pretty clever, offering a multitude of ways to experience Ticondera. A typical first play-through is somewhere around 20 hours, potentially much less depending on if you have a guide handy. Combat is punishing, yet manageable, and even rewarding. It's always a joy to see my opponent's attacks whiff. However, if you want something with a little more spice, but without having to resort to the grinding misery that is The 7th Saga, then consider the following romhack...

7th Saga: The New Class

What we have here is a romhack that does exactly what it says in the title. The New Class completely revamps all seven characters, giving them new spells, potentially replacing what they already have, and adjusting their stats as well. It's a substantial overhaul that makes strengths and weaknesses more pronounced. Esuna becomes an even more vicious spellcaster, but she loses her sole healing spell and is even more susceptible to melee attacks. All of the other Apprentices have specialized roles, which adds more diversity to every play-through. 

The difficulty is closer to The 7th Saga than Elnard, so expect tougher fights and potentially brutal duels. I remember having to rely on Wilme to fight for my Esuna in these one-on-one situations, because she didn't stand a chance. To offset this and keep the game from becoming a nasty grind, a number of QOL features were added. These include, but aren't limited to, double monster experience after a certain point in the story, shops for purchasing stat-boost seeds, and slight nerfs applied to certain overwhelmingly tough endgame adversaries. One of the neat incentives for choosing to fight in the final dungeon is that certain enemies drop ultimate romhack-exclusive equipment.

In short, this romhack is an easy recommendation. 

By the way, I uploaded the first two parts of my 7th Saga: The New Class run to youtube. I probably should've uploaded the complete play-through, but... meh. At least you can see everything up to the Western Continent. 2/3rd to 3/4th of the entire game isn't bad, I guess. 


7th Saga: The Randomizer

You'd have to be well-familiar with the game to even humor a randomizer but let me just say that it can be a really unique experience. Creating a new seed isn't too complicated, especially if you know exactly what you want. Now this seed doesn't even have to be randomized. It can be the same game, just with a wealth of features like double-walking speed, the JP version's stat gains, and way more. 

However, if you're feeling saucy, then crank those settings until they're as chaotic as you want them to be. You could face endgame monsters as early as the second dungeon, buy a sword with 700 attack power for 7 gold, the sky is the limit. Each randomized run varies in its level of ridiculousness, but the fact that random encounters aren't forced means that you can avoid most everything that's out of your league. Maybe you'll stumble upon a monster that's actually just an oversized EXP pinata, saving yourself the trouble of fighting dozens of battles. I think everyone familiar with this game should give this a shot at least once. The average play-through taking just a couple or so hours is a huge benefit. Consider it a jolt of The 7th Saga's madness to start your day off right.

Monday, September 1, 2025

The 2026 Special list of games

This page contains links to all of the reviews I've written for the 2026 Special.

The theme here is side-scrollers that feature a woman with a weapon as either the protagonist or one of the main playable characters.

Afterimage

Amy Rose in Sonic the Hedgehog 1 

Arzette: The Jewel of Faramore

Astalon: Tears of the Earth

Athena (NES)

Axiom Verge 2

Belle Boomerang

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2026 Special - Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia



Next on the "I guess I'm reviewing every Igavania" agenda is none other than Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia. This entry follows the adventures of Shanoa as she hunts for the three glyphs of Dominus, said to be one of the only means of destroying Dracula. Unlike most entries in the Castlevania series, players will spend half the game exploring regions outside of the Dread Lord's Castle. Shanoa will trudge through forests, valleys, and a couple of mysterious mansions. It's somewhat of a tribute to Simon's Quest. Shame there wasn't a Bloody Tears remix or anything of that sort. Anyway, her main goal is the Dominus, but Shanoa should also keep an eye out for the villagers of Wygol, who are imprisoned throughout the land. Rescuing everyone is required to even visit Dracula's Castle and they'll provide side-quests with some pretty nice rewards. All in all, if you like action and adventure, then this is a must-play. 

Thanks for reading the short review! Stick around if you want something a bit meatier.


Right then, so one of the many existential crises that I'm currently grappling with is whether or not I actually love Metroidvanias. I mean sure I enjoy them, who doesn't? The effortless blend of platforming and exploration. The thrill of acquiring new powers. The maddeningly addictive cycle of returning to previous areas to reach items that I couldn't reach before. It's all... fine. Just fine. However, I've started to notice that I'm not making time in my schedule for them. On the occasion that I actually finish a Metroidvania, it's because I'm working on a review of it. A surprising number of play-throughs sputter out after a few hours. I have Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown lying around somewhere, hardly played. After Zero Mission, the last Metroid I remember playing was the fan remake AM2R. However, with as little effort as it takes to roll out of bed, I'll replay a Igavania. You've seen as much in a handful of my most recent reviews.

By Igavania, I'm of course referring to the games produced by Koji Igarashi. That dude has the magic touch, I have to admit. Granted, the exploratory and platforming aspects often take a backseat, but I adore the wealth of weapons, abilities, and subsystems. The games also tend to have natural control schemes as well as a hefty amount of movement tech. If you're the kind of person that prefers back-dashing over plain ol' running forward, then these games were made for you. I sincerely believe that the extra effort to wring out a small yet noticeable increase in speed adds to the engagement factor. Another example is the first 3D Ninja Gaiden. Ryu's running speed is fine for what it is, but alternating between hops and rolls is a wave of hooks digging into my flesh like something out of Hellraiser. It shouldn't feel good, but yet it feels amazing. Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia is no different. Hitting the L button causes Shanoa to perform a backflip, which functions exactly like a back-dash. The R button summons the Glyph attached to her back. With the right timing, players can cancel out of the backflip with R and then immediately resume, causing the heroine to move significantly faster. Now I must reiterate that the timing is tight, but executing it perfectly is like landing innumerable shoryukens in a row.


Getting in the way of the perpetual backflip machine are a menagerie of monsters, taking every size and shape that you'd expect to see in a gothic horror game. They're also exponentially more dangerous than in prior installments. For starters, I don't think I've ever seen an enemy do less than double-digit damage. Every hit is significant. The trade-off is that Shanoa also hits extremely hard. As long as she's striking her adversary's weakness, they won't live long enough to do much or any damage. This however is limited by two factors, a small MP pool and a mostly situational selection of attack glyphs. MP functions a lot like stamina. Each use of a glyph, whether its equipped to Shanoa's left arm, right, or back, costs a portion. It quickly replenishes but doesn't support prolonged assaults. That's fine, since players will likely need those moments of rest to avoid an enemy's counterattack. Resistances play a much more substantial role here as well, as most adversaries are only weak to slashing weapons, or fire, or one of a handful of other attributes. There's going to be a lot of glyph swapping. It reminds me a bit of Vagrant Story with all of the different weapon types, but with a much friendlier UI.

In time, Shanoa's limited arsenal and MP will become mere afterthoughts. This is best exemplified by Nitesco, one of the attack glyphs found shortly after entering Dracula's Castle. It's a purple laser with great reach that cuts through anything weak to holy or fire. Maybe this wouldn't be a big deal in a science-fiction game, but in a Castlevania where 3/4ths of the population are undead? Yeah, it's a crazy weapon. Like most other glyphs, Shanoa can dual-wield them for double the damage output. Also, certain glyph combinations produce special techniques performed with up + attack button. These moves cost hearts and are best saved for boss battles. Pairing Nitesco with a sword creates a lightsabre. By this point, you've likely found some INT-boosting gear. Throw on a death ring and you're an instant glass cannon. Now point that lightsabre at the nearest boss and laugh as it dies pitifully. For me, one of the highlights of an Igavania is turning the protagonist into a force of nature, so this is an absolute treat.


Now if you can believe it, there's more to this game than killing bosses with comically overpowered weapons. Large chunks of the adventure will be spent navigating platform challenges. These often utilize the Magnes glyph, which lets Shanoa grab onto metal bolts to sling herself onto high ledges or over spike beds. It's a neat feature but feels a little underutilized. While there is an optional challenge area packed with difficult Magnes-related jumps, not enough of the main game puts this method of traversal to serious work. It would've been neat if the heroine had to contend with more obstacles while jumping around, such as bone pillars or flying skeletons. A couple rooms that contain crows or medusa heads aren't enough. Still, as far as complaints go, a somewhat underutilized feature is not something I can really dwell on.

Though Shanoa eventually becomes all-powerful, Order of Ecclesia surprisingly doesn't suffer from "reverse-difficulty". The bosses only get tougher as the game progresses, culminating with a Dracula who doesn't mess around once he quits his teleporting schtick. The Hard mode is also much more substantial than just a stat-boost. Early areas receive a heaping influx of enemies, making the normally serene trips through the forest soul-wrenching nightmares. I never realized just how much I missed the double jump when I tried navigating through a swarm of medusa heads, all capable of knocking out Shanoa with a touch. The difficulty eases up slightly once several upgrades are obtained, but players can apply more pressure on themselves by lowering the level-cap. It's that kind of challenge that grows with the player and lends the game an impressive level of replay-value.


Now, I'd like to draw your attention to The OoE+ Improvement Hack. The purpose of this romhack is that it fixes the whopping two flaws in the entire game. First, it boosts the rate at which Shanoa obtains attribute points. Attribute points are earned by killing enemies with the specific attribute. The idea is that if you use a lot of ice glyphs, then your ice attacks will become stronger. The execution is that you'd have to slaughter a thousand monsters to see an appreciable effect. With this hack, that thousand becomes a couple hundred or so. Secondly, but no less importantly, is that drop-rates have increased. In this game, many of the quest items are obtained from the fresh corpses of monsters. Problem is that the rates are so low you could farm the same creature for a long time and have nothing to show for it. That's also been fixed. Indeed, drop-rates across the board are much higher than before, but not to the point where farming becomes unnecessary. 

While everybody has their favorites, I believe Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia is the most rock-solid all-around great Igavania in the series. What it lacks in build variety, it makes up for in raw difficulty. Pros are granted a multitude of options that'll make their adventure extra spicy. Struggling players can rely on ultra-powerful weapon combinations and generous healing items. Learning the movement tech provides an additional layer of depth. It's a rewarding game in many ways.

Give it a replay whenever you can.