Edono Kiba wants and I give. Edo no Kiba takes and I allow. Like any other symbiotic relationship, I begin to question if I'll ever receive something in return. This is an arcade game, after all. Playing it is supposed to be fun. Overcoming its tests should create feelings of exhilaration and catharsis. Instead, after the battles had ended, all we did was sit across from each other, and stare. Though the words gnawed at me with increasing ferocity, I couldn't allow any of them to escape. I knew that if I said anything, the game would instantly fire back with a "What the hell did you expect?"
It's a little bit funny how Riot and I keep getting in these head-on collisions. Psycho Dream, Beast Wrestler, and Exile are just a few of the many games they're brought into this world, and I barely have anything nice to say about them. Today's review is for one of their other Super Famicom offerings, an autoscroller where a samurai cop battles cyber-terrorist group known as ZEER. I could be wrong, but ZEER sounds so much like ZEED from Shinobi that it has to be an intentional nod. Anyway, they have armored soldiers, giant mechs, bio-monsters, and even a battleship. Samurai cop has a sword. This isn't one of those kick-ass swords either. I'd even go so far to throw it in the same tier as Lagoon. Attempting to rely on it for anything will lead to pain and death. In order to complete this game, you'll have to use the charge attack, always. Hold the attack button down and then release it while pressing forward. There isn't a single good reason why the "pressing forward" part is necessary.
Look. I'm just going to say it, because I mean it with all sincerity: Edono Kiba insists upon itself.
The instant I started the game; I was treated to a crosshatch test (see header image). Apparently, my first thought was supposed to be "I'm about to get some Konami-quality arcade goodness on the Super Famicom!" No. No, my first thought was just oh. Perhaps taking offense at a crosshatch says more about me than it does about the game, but seriously; how often are they seen when a console game is booting up? Riot wanted me to see it. In spite of their track record, an attempt was made to set expectations. I would've respected their audaciousness if it led to a fun game, but...
I've already mentioned the neigh-useless sword, so allow me to discuss Samurai cop himself. He is an unfortunate soul whose armor doesn't do nearly enough to protect him from harm. In fact, the slightest touch from a terrorist drains his health. Since he has to get extremely close to an enemy to slash them, incidental damage occurs at a feverish rate. Most of these bad guys aren't doing anything either. They're jogging along with hardly a care. There isn't even a point to fighting. As in, no points or awarded, no power-ups are acquired. I can't even revel in the violence because the violence is weak. Deftly shifting between lanes while striking down baddies never gets enjoyable. As I alluded to with the charge-and-hold-forward-to-release special attack, the controls have this intentional clunkiness that feels terribly out of place. This cop moves like a tank, but he gets so hurt so easily. It doesn't make sense.
This game is divided into six inconsistent acts. Acts 1 & 2 are straightforward run & slashers, but Act 3 is a Battleship stage. The variety could be neat, except all anyone will remember from Act 3 is trying to destroy homing missiles with that damned sword. Surprising no-one, the cop is a huge target, so a missile grazing his heel inflicts pain just as easily as if it hit him square in the chest. After that mess is Act 4, an infiltration mission where the player picks whichever door looks the most interesting. Next up is Act 5: a boss-refight. Riot took the second boss, gave it a new coat of paint and a couple additional attacks, then drew a big checkmark. This game is blatantly unfinished. The final act is at least conceptually cool, since it involves a Samurai riding an ICBM while destroying other ICBMs. However, it also falls apart thanks to its lousy final boss.
I shouldn't blame Riot for everything that went wrong with Edono Kiba. They had maybe a few months to get a workable product out the door. No doubt there were some talented visionaries who never got a chance to soar because they were trapped under Telenet's thumb. However, it's impossible for me to appreciate such an empty yet demanding game. 30 minutes of using the most-convoluted method to dispatch enemies because it's the only one that actually works is a waste of time. The appeal of being a cyber-samurai is lost and buried due the protag being a hopeless target who's in constant danger of being scratched by a falling leaf. I can't take any of this seriously.
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