After choking down far too many minutes of Sonic Blast Man, I'm starting to wonder if I spent my entire life taking advantage of beatemups. Here is a genre that only works because of those willing to walk right up to some hot-blooded warrior and get punched in the face. Imagine if they were all blessed with a second brain cell, and decided "You know what? I'm tired of getting my face rearranged.". From then on, bad guys would only get close enough for their attacks to land. Either the good guys adapt to this stunning change in tactics or spend their remaining lives suffering endless humiliations. Sonic Blast Man must've chosen the latter. His very existence, which is punching things, collapses to dust the instant he walks towards something that doesn't want to be punched. I'm curious as to what Taito expected players to get out of this game. Was this supposed to be a deconstruction of the beatemup? Maybe I'm just mistaking genius for malice.
In this brawler, players must overcome five episodes of belt-scrolling action. Let's get some of the positives out of the way early. Each episode is a self-contained stage that features a unique set of enemies. Early on, our hero cleans up the streets by pummeling every ne'er do well in sight. Next, he infiltrates a military base and crushes both a PMC as well as a kung fu brigade. The sewers are full of slimy mutants, so stage three is dedicated to clearing that mess up. Robots receive a generous helping of justice (via fists) in the following stage. Finally, there are some space aliens or something. The episodic progression is still distinct and interesting. It's hampered slightly by some enemies sharing uncommon attacks - like leaping offscreen just to land on top of the hero - but is otherwise not a huge deal.
In order to combat this menacing menagerie, Sonic Blast Man has to get close enough to punch them or even closer to initiate a grapple. A successful hit can be followed up with a series of identical punches, which is then followed by a grab. Hold up and press the attack button to launch the enemy. This also creates a wave that knocks down anyone in front of SBM. Holding forward + attack does a wind-up super punch. It's sort of the same thing. If another enemy is sneaking up from behind, then press down + attack for an overhead throw that'll kill two birds with one bird. Grappling sets the adversary up to be thrown aside (or punched) for a quick knockdown, or the player can opt for the punch combo & grab attack. Anyone at critical health is likely to be dizzy the next time they get up. This is the cue to go for a giant wheel that finishes them off.
Essentially, success or failure hinges on whether our hero is able to reach someone. Most enemies are equipped to attack SBM from outside his reach. He'll eat a counterattack every time he misses a jab. Sounds fair, doesn't it? A beatemup's depth often comes from everything that leads to the punch. Here's where I question Sonic Blast Man's intentions. I'm willing to work within the limits placed on my avatar, but goddamn! He needed something besides miserable ineptitude. This superhero walks and I mean walks like he wants the shit kicked out of him. How a man with Sonic in his name manages to be so slow is bewildering. His jump provides a decent burst of speed, but then he's susceptible to a world of anti-airs.
Another problem with this supposed superhero is that anyone halfway competent can manhandle him. It seriously doesn't take much. As early as stage 1, there are large dudes who do a solid job of staying just out of reach, only to throw out an instant belly flop with a mile-wide hitbox. Some of stage 4's robots have a charging attack that can't be interrupted, forcing players to approach in a very specific manner. I sort-of see the appeal, but combat gets tiring when every enemy displays this level of capability. The lack of healing items and extra lives is also very odd to see in a console brawler. It sets this expectation that players have to analyze and adapt to so many scenarios, yet the offensive options consist of meager punch, painful walk speed, and mediocre grab. Yes, different people worked on each game, but I can't understand how Taito goes from badass barbarian who slays hundreds of monsters, to badass robot ninjas that singlehandedly kill an entire army, to asshat superhero who dies in back alley fistfights.
Honestly, I hate everything about Sonic Blast Man. I hate that he wears boxing gloves yet doesn't have a boxer's reach. I hate his bonus rounds that beat the crap out of my arcade stick. 30 revolutions a second to punch a giant crab and receive 5,000 points? Get the fuck out of here! His jump-kick is just the worst. Why is there a clock on his chest? He probably has some asshole catchphrase like "As you can see, villain. Your time is up!" Again, his whole schtick is punches, but he sucks at it. On purpose I bet! He's aware that his every move is being controlled by an otherworldly force, so he acts lethargic until they get discouraged and give up. That... that's fair. If I was in a game and somebody wanted to play me, I'd make their lives hell too.
Like I said way back, playing this game has made me question my relationship with beatemups. I'm reminded of the time spent with Iron Commando, and how it had to be played in a way that's very deliberate and boring. Now, there are two games that do this, which smells like a pattern. I might be in the wrong, and most other brawlers were setting me up for failure. Nothing is owed. Bad guys don't exist to walk into the path of an oncoming fist. Every victory has to be earned, no matter how insignificant it might be.
...I'm sorry but these elaborate pranks are getting out of hand. The only reason that every adversary feels like Sheng Long is because I'm playing as King Loser Dork. Limiting the player's options until all they can do is walk or grab doesn't result in compelling entertainment. It stifles expression, treating every attempt to draw outside the lines as a punishable offense. Hopefully Sonic Blast Man 2 is better.
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| The food is randomized. You might get a turkey that restores all of your health, or an apple that restores one punch's worth. |
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