Sega Genesis Look - Streets of Rage 2 Hacks

Forgive the lack of a decent intro. I'm here to look at Streets of Rage 2 romhacks, so let's get to them.

River City Girls... of Rage

Misako, Kyoko, Riki, and Kunio team up to crush Mr. X schemes once and for all. You're guaranteed a great time no matter which character you choose. Misako has a rolling dash that's perfect for bullying bosses. Kyoko's parry can smash pretty much everyone, including those damn Galsia's with knives. If you need oppressive strings and a long-distance attack, then Kunio is your man. Finally, there's Riki. He gets to follow up his piledrivers with air combos. That is so freaking awesome! Each character also has a full suite of techniques that weren't in vanilla SOR2, like a universal 8-way run and the ability to juggle. As far as the opposition is concerned, numerous major foes were replaced by bosses from River City Girls. It's a nice addition.

Clearly, this was a product of love. I'm especially fond of how several of the moves do multiple hits at a time. They add impact to every blow, and it's all so satisfying. The integration of the River City Crew is seamless, and none of them feel weak or underutilized. Poor Donovan though. Jumping attacks are so good here that his normally flawless uppercut tends to get squashed. Enemies tend to have a tougher time in general. They're basically combo practice when launched next to a wall. Professionals might want to bump the difficulty up to Hardest or Mania. Otherwise, enemies will die long before gamers can land some nasty combos. 

Even if you're like me and never spent serious time with the River City Girls saga, this hack is still totally worth checking out. There is a little weirdness in the final stage. When you arrive at Mr. X's lair, you'll notice that he's not in his chair. In fact, he won't appear until after "Shiva" and several minions are defeated. Just something to keep in mind.

Street Fighter 2 of Rage

It's fair to point out that Streets of Rage 2 was at least partially inspired by Street Fighter 2. In this interview, Ayano Koshiro mentions that there was a Street Fighter 2 cabinet at Ancient, and several matches turned into brainstorming sessions. Considering how one influenced another, a hack that places SF2 characters in SOR2 just makes sense. However, this one is very basic. Max, Axel, Blaze, and Skate are swapped out for Zangief, Balrog, M. Bison, and Cammy. My guess is that Axel's moves were easier to adapt to Balrog than Ryu. Bit strange seeing M. Bison instead of Chun-Li in Blaze's spot though, especially since both ladies share a "fireball". 

Besides the different sprites, there's only one feature that sets this hack apart. Cammy & Balrog are overwhelmingly strong with weapons. Somehow, the guy wearing boxing gloves can wield a pipe with such ferocity that swings do three hits instead of one. Cammy is also a pipe-pro but give her a knife and she becomes queen of infinite stabs. Trying to hold onto (overpowered) weapons as often as possible could be a neat little challenge. 

Streets of Rage 2 - Doreamon

You know you're going to be in for a time when the introduction states "It's going to be a very difficult task to defeat the boss of the crime." Also, the hack outright bars entry to the options menu. Don't like playing on the Mania setting with 9 lives? Too bad. It's not like the big stack of extra bodies will help much, because this is a kusoge-hard Streets of Rage 2 hack. Enemies are as fast and aggressive as you'd expect, but team up in ways that are beyond cruel. For example, the second boss is two Jets... and an Electra. Anyone familiar with high-level SOR2 knows that Electra is an anti-air fiend. Pairing her with a couple of bosses that are mostly fought with jump-kicks? That's evil incarnate. 

This probably wouldn't be a huge deal if Doreamon's crew was anywhere near capable, but... nope. They're replicas of the SOR2 crew, but with worse range and specials. Nobody gets any cool down-attacks that hit 6 times or juggle combos. Without fun stuff to exploit the opposition, the hapless heroes are bound to get overwhelmed. The greatest gamers (or users of save-states) could see some decent progress, but everyone else will be wiped out by the fourth or fifth stage. 

Also, anyone who dares challenge this hack will be treated to earsplittingly absurd remixes of classic tunes. It's a designed to be a fever dream, a "what-if?" that never should've happened. Locking players out of the options menu (and thus the sound test and stage select) was a conscious decision to force them through the entirety of the madness. Frankly, I don't see the point. There's some creativity on display, but fighting overtuned battles with underpowered characters is not fun. I'd rather just check youtube and see if somebody else suffered through it. 

SOR2 - Sonic Wars

I'm going to cut to the chase. Sonic is the star of Sonic Wars. He's like Axel with a spin-dash. On my first attempt, I made the mistake of using Shadow. Shadow takes Shiva's spot in this hack, which means he has an infinite jab, an infinite grab, as well as specials that don't cost health to use. This sounds overpowered until you take into account his pitiful reach. Seriously, the ultimate lifeform has a hell of a time hitting anything with stubby limbs. His forward-special is completely useless. None of the other characters fare much better. Knuckles, Amy, and Tails don't get any unique attributes or overpowered tech to build strategies around. Just pick Sonic, seriously. Having the best dash-attack and the ability to close distance quickly allows him to ignore the life-eating traps that populate SOR2's late-game.

While this hack is by the same creator as SOR2 Doreamon, the music hasn't been remixed into oblivion. Difficulty is set to normal & 3 lives. It sounds fair, but keep in mind that the hack is based on a version that seems to tweak enemy AI response time. A bad guy (or badnik) will perform a move the instant they're within range. Anyone besides Sonic is going to suffer against Electra, Boxer, and several others. Also, since every Galsia & Donovan is a robot, their reach is just as lousy as the heroes. Trying to fight human combatants is where the problems start to arise. All in all, this is a pretty amusing hack.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... of Rage

To be continued....

Steam Look - Armored Lab Force VULVEHICLES

The year is 2010. Terran Defense forces have invaded Abic, laying waste to the planet's defense systems and facilities. A ragtag team of researchers has had enough! Putting their thousands of years of training and experience to work, six ladies develop twelve ultra-advanced tanks. These vulvechs feature state of the art weapons as well as hovering technology. They've also been fitted with portal devices, guaranteed to swap tanks in the heat of battle at a moment's notice. It might not sound like much compared to the galaxy-conquering TDF and their infinite forces, but our heroes will figure something out. ASTRO PORT's love for explosive hardware and cute ladies talking history collides in Armored Lab Force VULVEHICLES!! 

I love ASTRO PORT games. They're well-built, explore unique ideas, and don't waste a minute of my time. Whenever they put out a new release, I'm confident that it's going to rock. Their 2022 release VULVEHICLES takes vehicular combat in an interesting direction. Each of its 24 stages are comprised entirely of destructible terrain. Both yours as well as the enemy's firepower will blow away walls and floors. If, for example, you're feeling a little overwhelmed by the TDF's current attack, you can shoot your way through an alternate path, using the remnants of the terrain as cover. Foes that walk or roll across the ground are instantly destroyed if they fall off of the screen. The same applies to turrets that are attached to walls. They might be durable, but their surroundings aren't. All sorts of scenarios can occur over the course of a typical playthrough, so be ready to adapt to constant change.

Hovering technology can only do so much when the object it's trying to keep elevated weighs anywhere from a couple dozen to over a hundred tons. Basically, you can't fly around the battlefield without consequence. Hovering expends energy. Though your tank doesn't drop like a rock the instant that energy is exhausted, movement becomes incredibly restrictive. The game makes a point by painting the borders red when there's no energy, because a series of direct hits on an unmoving target is practically imminent. Staying grounded will slowly replenish hoverpower, but you're much better off just switching tanks. Holding the requisite button will transport the depleted tank out for a fresh one. You can (and definitely should) also do this if a tank is low on HP. Three are taken into battle at a time. If any of them don't make it back, then they're lost for the remainder of the mission. One other extremely important detail is that teleporting doesn't work in the air. Finding a place to land and making the switch while being pelted from all directions is just one of many situations that has to be figured out.

A lot can go wrong in this game, but I can only blame myself when it does. The most durable tanks in the garage are also the largest, which affects both speed and evasive ability. Basically, I can't get mad that I tried to fly a large object in-between a barrage of bullets. Vulvechs don't get invincibility frames after taking damage either. It's totally fair, because the enemies they contend with can all be destroyed in seconds. Even the bosses rarely survive for more than a minute. A sustained attack or a couple special weapons at the right time will eliminate them with relative ease. There are even some neat tricks that veterans can appreciate, such as using the teleportation switch to avoid attacks entirely. The timing is a little absurd, but the fact that such a feature even exists is cool as hell. Basically, survival is all about resource-management. Depending on the selected tanks, players are allotted a supply of special weapons. Use them at the right time to clear stages with ease or waste them on frivolous targets, and risk getting demolished when the real threats appear.

Each of the twelve vulvechs are designed to suit specific playstyles. Besides speed and size, tanks are differentiated by their weaponry. The largest of the lot fires drills that punch through everything. Depending on the stage, this can be an ideal strategy or a big disaster. Erica's tanks (left side, center) can be summed up as flamethrower and giant laser. Good for single targets, bad for crowd. Special weapons can also differentiate wildly. The second-largest tank creates a field that erases every onscreen bullets. Appropriately enough, this special weapon has the least amount of ammo and doesn't do actual damage. It's still invaluable when used at the right moment. The top-left tank has a huge cache of grenades. They're hard to use but offer plenty of versatility. Players aren't required to use every vulvech in the garage, but they're setting themselves up for failure if they continue to rely on a small handful.

As is usually the case with ASTRO PORT games, this one features a wide selection of difficulty settings. Anyone experienced with shooters is liable to find Normal to be a little too easy. However, I'd still suggest starting with it. Higher difficulties affect more than just firepower. They introduce new and deadlier foes. The highest difficulty - which is only available after scoring 10,000,000 points in a single playthrough - adds buzz-saw tanks that will drain an entire HP bar in nanoseconds. Choosing the right vulvech for a stage also becomes outright essential. Even on the (easier) Insane setting, I was struck with the grim realization that my poor decisions in the garage set me up to fail at a critical moment. If you're willing to commit, then there's plenty of depth. 

Armored Lab Force VULVEHICLES is another easy recommendation. The concept is simple to understand yet creates a surprising number of potential situations to overcome. Enemies are varied, interesting, and always on the attack. 24 stages might sound rather high, but I assure you that the typical playthrough is going to slide well under 45 minutes. Also, fans of the lore can watch anime girls discuss the entirety of the ASTRO saga. I probably mentioned it already, but there are at least twelve games that share the same timeline. Ridiculous, but also charming.

Oh, and I've uploaded a playthrough of insane difficulty on Youtube. Cutscenes are automatically skipped, so there's not too much to spoiler.

2026 Special - Super Mario Bros. - Peach's Adventure

For reasons unexplored, I've been having a serious bugbear of a time allocating words towards this Super Mario World romhack. Super Mario Bros. - Peach's Adventure is a straightforward mash-up of all-things classic Mario. The art-direction is clearly inspired by SMB1, and there are frequent references to other titles like SMB3 and SML2. Besides utilizing its engine as well as some of its mechanics, this hack has a surprising lack of SMW. I'm actually very pleased with the decision. Fair warning: expect the next however many sentences to be filled with early-morning ramblings. 

Although I'm well-aware of the amazing work that has gone into Super Mario World hacking, the results often don't catch my interest. Taking a mechanically rich and experimental game like Nintendo's 1991 classic to new heights with a slew of original levels is amazing, no doubt about that. To me, however, it represents a commitment that I'd never be able to make time for. Not to mention, SMW is just one of several games that I want to move on from. Probably not even a week ago, I lamented that people aren't seeking out enough original stuff. Empty words from someone who'd then spend an entire weekend playing the randomizer that combines Super Metroid and Link to the Past. The worst part is I never finished a single run. They stalled out after I grabbed the easy-to-reach items, almost like some twisted gatcha where the first 100 pulls are free. 

This road to false equivalency is not one I intend to continue walking, but the randomizer incident has left me questioning what I truly enjoy about the classics. Is it the level-design? The controls? Or just finding some cool items? Super Mario World is a game that I've spent years with. The muscle memory is so entrenched that you could slide a controller into the hands of my fresh corpse, and they'd finish two 96 exit playthroughs before the rigor mortis sets in. Maybe that's the problem right there. Is finding exits all I care about? Everything else could just be a means to an end. For me, playing a SMW hack would be a risk. If I quit the instant I run into some friction, then I'll likely go back to the original for hours upon hours of exit gathering. Imagine playing games purely for the regurgitated sense of accomplishment. There're likely some deeper issues going on here, but I can't spend every review digging into them.

Super Mario Bros. - Peach's Adventure is a total conversion, and it's perfect for me. Mario has been kidnapped by Bowser. Stopping him requires a Princess willing to hop & bop her way through eight distinct worlds, all of which are stuffed with classic platforming goodness. I really like how charming and straightforward this is. There aren't any overcomplicated inputs to master or levels that require a dozen tries to survive. The emphasis is placed on breezy action that anyone can pick up and enjoy. Those willing to tackle the optional challenges will be rewarded with some fun extras. 

The power-ups are a delightful mishmash of favorites. Peach can easily roast or freeze adversity with the requisite flower. Leaves have replaced capes as the go-to flying accessory, though any need to actually take flight has been pared down quite a lot. Like I said, this is very much not a SMW game. Keeping a leaf nearby for the all-important hover is still handy though. My personal favorites are the boomerang & hammer. Throwing blunt objects is just a lovely thing to do. One other appreciative feature is that getting hit while carrying a weapon doesn't shrink the Princess. She gets to remain la- errh bi- um... tall-ish, until she takes damage a second time. Yeah, I guess I should point out that Peach's look is a little unexpected. It's all good though. This isn't an exploitative game. Plus, I think it's really cute how she's 60% hair.

Each level does a fine job of emulating traditional Mario action, but with enough surprises to keep things extra interesting. Almost every level contains five star-coins. Starting off, these shinies are located in plain sight and within arm's reach but steadily become harder to obtain as the adventure progresses. A handful are often tucked away in side-areas. They're not that hidden, especially for those who try to duck into every pipe they see, but anyone missing 2 or 3 after clearing a level might've overlooked a big detour. Collecting all of the coins in a level does mean that deaths aren't allowed. Thankfully, most levels are short enough so that retrying for full coinage isn't an ordeal. I can't say that I didn't get mildly annoyed a couple of times though. The final world has some beefy levels with easy-to-miss coins.

Also, I just think it's really fun how classic game stuff is incorporated into every level. It means that there's always something to look forward to. The frustration-free approach to obstacles is also kind-of amazing. Even the obligatory mine-kart levels just fly by. My mind was in a constant state of "Oh, this is neat". This conversion was clearly designed to move at a semi-brisk pace, as if the creator wants players to see everything, but without the repetition of constant retries. Balance between the old & new is handled really well. I never felt like I was just going through the motions or seeing things just for the sake of it. It's purposeful, smart game-design. 

So yeah, I think Super Mario Bros. - Peach's Adventure is worth a recommendation. Fans of the NES trilogy will find a lot to like. Using SMW as the base for a decidedly un-SMW game was a very clever move. Speaking entirely for myself, the lack of absurdist mechanics is really appreciated. I got to experience a fun quest while keeping thoughts of checking out more hacks in the furthest recesses of my mind. Again, I don't intend any offense towards Super Mario World hackers. There is a ton of brilliant work out there. A ton! It's just a rabbit hole I'd prefer to dance around if possible. The instant I fall in is the instant I'm right back to 96 exit-farming. 

Arcade Appreciation - Monster Maulers

The criminal organization Happy Droppers has bombarded Earth with psycho-mutation orbs! From this bizarre assault on nature rose six behemoths. Indestructible by conventional means, these gigantic creatures are poised to wreak havoc. They're so strange and powerful! The planet we call home teeters on the brink of annihilation! Is there anyone who can answer the call of heroism?! Well... yeah, of course there is. Earth's mightiest fighters - the Monster Maulers - have trained both body and mind for this fateful day. Do they have what it takes to save the world? Find out in Kyoku Sentai Dadandarn! 

Alright, very nice. I think I just exhausted my exclamation point budget for the rest of the year. 

But seriously, today we have another kick-ass game from Konami. I don't have to tell you that their output in the 1990s was totally insane. It was nothing but wall-to-wall classics that stretched to infinity. The basic premise behind Monster Maulers is that Anne, Kotetsu, and Eagle must square off against nine tremendous foes in a series of one-on-one - two-on-one if you bring a friend - fights to the finish. Since this is entirely a Player Vs CPU game, any approach is the right one. You can mash buttons until the credits roll, learn the ins and outs of every opponent to come out with counter strategies, or jump straight to that cheap shit. If you discover a technique that breaks the enemy AI or locks them down, then go ahead and abuse it. Nothing is going to get banned here.

Each of the three playable characters is controlled via a joystick and three buttons (light, medium, heavy). True to its nature, this fighter provides its heroes with a modest assortment of normals, command normals, grabs, and special moves. Blocking is as simple as holding back or down/back. Air-blocking is even simpler... because it doesn't exist. Be extra careful with your jump-ins because the opposition loves their anti-airs. While there aren't combos, you can often get away with landing an uncontested series of strikes or linking a kick into a throw. The point I want to get across is that the rules were thrown out the window ages ago. Both hero and enemy operate by a set of guidelines. Just because you block something that looked unsafe doesn't guarantee you a turn. Also, a handful of moves can exploit the enemy's tendency to perform anti-airs. A lot of the game will be spent learning and practicing ways to stay ahead of huge beasts that don't play fair. 

Sidenote: I just love how meaty the attacks look. The impact from every blow is nicely done. Throws and slams - particularly Anne's piledriver - are a serious thrill to perform. My one complaint is more of a character-specific issue. Instead of an air-throw, Eagle latches onto an enemy and throws some punches. It's a neat-looking move without a lot of practicality, as the punches do very little damage. Its only real usages are getting a knockdown and controlling space. Even a game dictated by guidelines respects a good understanding of fundamentals. Anyway, the rest of the attacks all look and sound great. The nine opponents having a totally unique look and move-list is also impressive. Konami injected a ton of personality into every facet of Monster Maulers.

If you want to crush Monster Droppers' schemes with the least amount of trouble, then Anne is your gal. Her standing heavies and mediums are great pokes. She has mid-air combos, which are invaluable against anything large or capable of flight. Shooting Star is the best special move in the game. It's hardly a contest really. Besides being an awesome projectile that can be thrown from any point in a jump, this also serves as a defensive tool to prevent Anne from leaping into her rival's waiting arms. Some foes have a greater tendency to reflect it than others, but even that's limited by how much agency Anne has during and after the throw. With the right timing and spacing, players can keep their turn while bullying their opponent. Anne's other special move is a button-mashing shock that's heavily situational but capable of amazing damage. Unless you have a problem with hearing "SHOOTING STAR!" a couple hundred times a game, this lady is the best choice for attempting a 1CC.

Kotetsu's best attributes are his dive-kick and psycho-crusher. I don't know if I'm qualified to call it a meaty but jumping and sticking one foot in a monster as they're trying to get up works surprisingly often. The psycho-crusher is incredibly versatile, though weakened significantly by the fact that Kotetsu is often vulnerable after performing it. Some enemies are all too happy to take a few hits if it allows them to land a big punish afterwards. Over usage of this move also seems to increase the possibility that the next hit Kotetsu takes will dizzy him. Even with its faults, I still think the psycho-mauler(?) is the second-best special move in the game... a distant second, anyway. Oh, and he has a fireball. 

Eagle is the most honest of the three heroes, and that's not really a positive opinion. His dashing uppercut is a good special. I never found a good use for his rolling special though. Its damage is just too pitiful. One of Eagle's better attributes is his crouching heavy. Use this fantastic poke whenever the situation calls for it. Otherwise, I'm not sure what's good about this guy. There's no doubt a ton of tech I haven't made time to learn, but it just seems like he struggles more than Kotestu and especially Anne. 

I won't break down every opponent, since strategies differ depending on the player and their chosen hero. Just get used to the first several games ending with a vicious beatdown. At its core, Monster Maulers is a series of fighting game bosses. As one would expect, the bosses have numerous advantages and are controlled by an AI that punishes inputs. Aside from the first - whom you're allowed to select - the order of opponents is random. If there's a creature that you struggle with, you might want to get them out of the way early. Of the initial group of six, I'll say that I've had the most trouble facing Slime and Centaur. Slime is incredibly evasive and often links multiple flying moves into each other. Centaur is just relentless with his pressure. Of course, I say this knowing that Anne has the least trouble with both. She can toss heavy Shooting Stars on top of Centaur to break his anti-air AI. Slime has it even worse, as Anne will trap it in a far standing heavy loop that's impossible to escape.

The remaining rivals are the Heavy Droppers themselves... and an army of killer robots. Yeah, the final portion of Monster Maulers mixes things up a bit. After clearing a wave of mechs, players will contend with Ducker. Yeah, this game loves its Gradius & Salamander references. Anyway, Ducker is a Fucker, the meanest of the mean. Besides its wide assortment of brutal attacks, this damned thing will grab someone the instant they land a hit. Most of the fight will be spent learning what NOT to do, and it's just plain grueling. I'm not sure why but defeating the damned thing doesn't grant a customary life refill. Having to face two waves of minions and a pair of bosses with one health bar seems like a "feature" Konami snuck in to wrangle more cash from arcade-goers. At least Mecha Gorilla and the Final Boss aren't nearly as rough as Ducker. 

Still, even with its end-game annoyances, I really enjoy Monster Maulers. The action is satisfying, and there's plenty of depth to each encounter. Doing whatever it takes to secure the win - especially if it's cheap - does a lot to heighten the stakes. Last night I achieved a single credit clear, and almost every fight came down to the wire. There's a link to the video below if you're curious. The 1CC run begins at about 1:04:11. Anyway, this is yet another Konami classic that deserves your time.

Super Nintendo Look - Cotton 100%

Life isn't easy for Cotton. She just wants to relax and eat willow candies, yet disaster follows her like a shadow. In Märchen Land there exists the wondrous willow grass, the main ingredient in a delicacy that has no equal. That's right! I'm talking about the Rainbow Drop. Without a doubt, a candy this tasty is reason enough to challenge seven stages of projectile-laden mayhem. Besides, it's not like the sweet-starved witch can refuse. Someone that looks just like her is causing trouble throughout Märchen Land and ruining her good name. Utilize Cotton's magical prowess to blast holes in cutesy creatures, rescue fairies for extra firepower, and perform lifesaving spells in this Super Famicom shmup by Success & Datam Polystar.

Since my previous memories of the Cotton series have been buried under a mountain of sludge, I'm going to attempt a fresh start. This means that my opinion on this entry isn't affected by some lingering attachment to an all-time favorite. With that out of the way, let me jump straight to why I don't really care for Cotton 100%. First up is the weird visual direction. I like the character designs and backgrounds, but the brightness is set way too high. Everything pops out of the screen, and that's not especially good for a STG. The blown up / overly saturated look ensures that I'll probably crash into a bullet or enemy if I'm not 100% conscious. This is very much a me thing, but I tend to do my best projectile-dodging when it's 4:00 am and I've just woken up. Shmups are usually the perfect games for broken-down insomniacs like me. However, when backgrounds and bullets share the same level of brightness, my eyes struggle to discern any difference. 

Fighting alongside Cotton is Silk. Her and her fairy friends serve as options, lending the witch additional firepower. Pressing the requisite button changes their formation, and holding the bomb button will focus their fire. Note that the bomb button just drops an explosive towards the ground Darius-style. Powerful explosives are instead tied to the spell button. The current formation determines what spell is cast, but I can't think of a reason to use any besides Barrier. It's a shield. It blocks a couple of attacks before disappearing. Even if it's supposed to drop in usefulness as players get better at the game, being able to take a hit without dying is huge. Usually, I wouldn't need an extra incentive to summon a dragon or whatever, but the alternative is a shield that actually carries over to the next stage if it survives the boss. Also, spell charges don't replenish on death, which provides even less reason to spend them on killing something a little more quickly.

Besides the number and speed of projectiles, the difficulty setting also affects enemy durability. This I assume is a form of punishment for my shield-loving ass. On Hard and especially Maniac, the popcorn baddies take as much damage as the average battleship. Since Cotton's weapon-level drops whenever she dies, momentum has a habit of swinging hard against her. She can't break through the frequent walls of fiends with poor weaponry. Maybe this is where the non-Barrier spells come into play. Personally speaking, tying enemy health to difficulty is just a bad idea. The weapons in Cotton 100% already suffer in terms of looks and impact, so having them do less damage just creates a shooting experience that's hard to enjoy. 

Also, the final boss is almost custom designed to leave me feeling less positive about the game than I was minutes before. Cotton has to be in the right place to bait the villain's lightning attack, otherwise she'll get backed against the "wall" and crushed. I get that the big bad needs something to set herself apart, but this particular move requires several lives to be sacrificed; all for an unearned light-bulb moment. My thoughts on the rest of the boss-fights waver between they're too weak to be noticeable and too gimmicky to be enjoyable. There's a tree (and squirrel?) mid-boss that requires an absurd level of pounding. One other mid-boss is a cakewalk unless its bees manage to escape. There are some others that I'm forgetting to mention, but it's hard not to when the absurdly bright visuals and flickering cause this shmup to feel like a bad dream.

I didn't intend to treat Cotton 100% so harshly. The controls and other important bits are solid. My biggest problem however is one that just happens to form into a giant hand that drags everything to hell. It's as if the rough visuals have bled over, causing me to look upon the rest of the game with additional disdain. My eyes hurt just thinking about a replay. 

Super Nintendo Look - Dragon View

In the minutes leading up to this review, I brainstormed and discarded a half-dozen introductions. Among the refuse was a brief history of Kemco, a once-held belief that a belt-scrolling Action RPG would be the coolest thing ever, and existential crisis #2,194. Ultimately, I settled for what I believe best summarizes Dragon View's place in history. It's a derivative product designed in a lab to massage the brains of those who spent a few too many years enamored with sword-wielding boys. If you close your eyes right now; you'll envision this game's entire story. A young warrior with a grand destiny must stop an evil wizard and rescue his girlfriend. Keep those eyes closed a few seconds longer and you'll likely point out that the evil wizard has a tragic backstory (that doesn't even begin to justify his heinous actions). As much as we plead with ourselves to seek out the new and inventive, there is something within us that exists solely to reminisce over and consume the reheated remnants of happier times. I can't hate Kemco, at least not more than any other business. Selling people video games that they've already played is how the industry works. 

It's a criticism faux pas, but I can't help but treat Dragon View as a chimera formed from the DNA of other games. Imagine Link to the Past, Zelda II, and a little Sword of Vermilion getting mushed together. Alex is the young idealistic warrior who must rescue a world plagued by random encounters. The first-person view and 3D graphics lend overworld exploration a unique feel. Important landmarks are connected by roads, but secrets tend to be buried in obscure locations. You'll know you're making story progress when somebody hands you a map to the next region. Upon entering a town, a battle, or a dungeon; the perspective switches to a side-view. In order to defeat the monsters accosting him, Alex can use his sword, the boomerang-like hauza, or spells. Dungeons are much more than rooms full of monsters. Some get really devious by using one-way doors or platforming challenges to frustrate heroes.

In short, there isn't anything here you haven't seen before. While the belt-scroller look is different, dungeons still play out exactly like Zelda. They're just a series of rooms with maze-like qualities and a gimmick suitable to the region. The shift in perspective doesn't add anything to the combat either. There isn't an extra layer of depth like in Golden Axe or King of Dragons. Most attacks are avoided simply by moving along the Y-axis. To their credit, enemies can hit awfully hard. Getting through the first few dungeons is a challenge due to pitiable health and resources. By the mid-game, however, players are liable to be over-equipped and over-leveled. This is when the doldrums set in.

Last year, I must've played through forty games about sword-boys doing sword-boy things. For the most part, I had a really good time. Unfortunately, Dragon View carries itself with a certain mundanity that's hard for me to stomach. The familiar is just too familiar and nothing unexpected ever happens. After trekking through a fire cave and then a region covered in snow, I really would've liked to see some place new. Maybe there could've been a mutated forest or the ruins of an advanced civilization. It didn't have to be original! I'd take anything besides a swamp or desert! Running through the exact same places as in every other action-adventure is just exhausting.

The worst part is that the overworld is just a chore to navigate. I know the game is sometimes referred to as Drakkhen II or Super Drakkhen, so there's no getting around the 3D overworld. It's just, if I'm doing exactly what I would've done in any other Zelda-like, then allow me some joy in exploration. Zelda II places important upgrades in obtuse locations, but its map is easy to move around in. Running through Landstalker's similar-looking forests doesn't get tiring because there's always movement and combat to engage in. Dragon View has a novelty that wears off in less than 15 minutes. Trudging through a featureless world at a single-digit framerate seriously had me wishing the game was more derivative. 

Although a commendable effort was made to provide players with helpful (if sometimes cryptic) NPCs, there isn't a good reason to ever go without a guide. Players are practically expected to find every HP container and equipment upgrade. An alternative exists, but it sucks. Let's say you reach the final boss at level 38. He's going to be an absolute tank at such a "low" level. If you haven't already found the secret hauza technique that deals decent damage to the big bad, then you'll either have to make the long trek back to its location or kill a couple thousand imps. I can't imagine why anyone would want a miserable end-game grind straight out of Ys, but maybe Kemco has data proving otherwise. They surveyed a bunch of gamers who collectively agreed that replaying the parts they hated from the Action-RPGs they loved would still be pretty cool. Yes, I know it sounds insane, but I can't just say "It was the style at the time." to describe every poor decision.

Ultimately, my issue with Dragon View is that it doesn't make me want to feel anything. Snore-inducing overworld aside, no part of the game dips below adequate. I just can't stand its uninspired world and empty characters. Everything is so... generic. The one word I seriously never wanted to use here is generic. I - I'm sorry. You can't see me right now, but I'm doing a my hands are tied gesture. This game could've had an isometric toilet-cam perspective. It'd still never be anything more than a tired replica. Like I said though, I can't hate Kemco. They manufactured my Playstation 2 memory card, and it never let me down.

Turbografx-16 Look - Magical Chase

Once again, predictable as always, I'm trapped beneath the blinding light of a blank screen. My eyes dart in every direction, hoping to settle upon a sight that isn't the definition of futility. Something has to be typed out. "If it sucks, it sucks." is the only encouragement I can offer myself. The days of a finished review meaning anything besides a miniscule sense of accomplishment are so far gone that they probably never existed. Nevertheless, there are few things uglier than total whiteness. It reminds me of the walls I'd stare at while waiting for someone to answer the door and take pizzas out of my hands. Oh, and that cursor! The way it sits in the corner just blinking away. I feel sick.

Today's reason for the turmoil is none other than Magical Chase. It's a game I keep wanting to attach an extremely unnecessary level of gravitas to, probably because the average copy goes for as much as $5,000. That might not sound like much in an age when money launderers seal Super Mario Bros. & Duck Hunt in plastic coffins and sell them to each other for millions, but... I've already given up on wherever I was going with this line. Point is that I can't look at Quest's lone shootemup without thinking it deserves a review that actually appreciates its value. My qualifications are owning a Coregrafx Mini and touching a Hucard once. Who am I to have opinions on a platform I've never truly invested in? Goddammit. The years spent in the retro community are taking their toll. I could cover a thousand games a year and still feel like I'm worth less than a CRT. Yet, the story continues, because it must.

So, here I sit, dead-center in the abominable maze, hoping for a single thought that my meager words can express. Let's try something basic: How do I feel while playing Magical Chase? Well, I guess I feel good. There is an upswell of pleasant feelings when I destroy the final boss. When it's just me and the game, things make sense. Maybe not life, but definitely some things. Much respect to Quest. They crafted a charming little adventure where not a single minute goes to waste. My one serious complaint, which I'll get out of the way right now, is that Ripple is a rather large target. Evading the many dangers that occupy Ripple's world is a little harder than it should be. Then again, having a shmup protag with a generous health meter and a small hurtbox would be overkill I suppose.

What you're looking at is a direct quote from Gley Lancer. It refers to the "Reverse" weapon-system. As you might recall, prior to starting the game, players choose a weapon-system that suits their style of play. Reverse is a shmup concept that I've struggled with since back when I played MUSHA for the first time in 1991. The main reason I wanted to do a Magical Chase write-up is because Ripple has a couple "movers" of her own called Star Maidens. The gist of it is that players can manipulate Topsy & Turvy to protect the heroine. Tapping button I when they're in a desired position will lock them in place. Players can set the Stars in front of Ripple to catch the majority of incoming bullets. Taking the first couple seconds out of every stage to set this up prevents a lot of headaches, but one still has to be vigilant. Enemies attack from every possible angle. 

While the Star Maidens can be directed to fire straight ahead, I believe that they're most effective in their alternate firing mode. This of course, means they'll shoot in the opposite direction that Ripple is moving. No doubt there are a ton of veterans who are already well-adapted to this style of weaponry. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, especially since it requires a higher level of patience and awareness. Combining offensive actions with defensive movements is really clever. The dichotomy adds complexity to each encounter. However, my divided attention means that messing up and eating a bullet is even easier. At least Ripple is built much heartier than the average prototype ship. Being able to devour bullets actually incentives me to learn how Topsy & Turvy work. Huh. I just realized something. If I shorten their names, they become T & T, or TNT. Is this a Working Designs joke that I just stumbled into? Ewwww.

What Magical Chase brings to the table is generosity. In the last 1CC playthrough I did, which wasn't more than a day ago, I must've screwed up a hundred times. Since healing items are usually easy to find or purchase, all those screw-ups were forgiven. Once I reached the final stage, I was able to lock-in and... screw-up an additional dozen times. This game gives its players a lot of room to grow, while avoiding the pitfalls of being too easy. Though, you may as well forget the first difficulty setting doesn't exist. Anyone who isn't playing on Bumpy or Rough isn't seeing anything past the third stage.

Still, even those who struggle with dodging will survive, as long as they're wise with money. Much like other shmups that feature shops, knowing what to buy makes a huge difference. Besides getting the coolest, most powerful weapon available, players would do well to upgrade TNT, Ripple's maximum health, and keep an elixir on standby. The best usable items (double-tap II) are the ones that replenish a couple hearts and provide a temporary damage buff. Keep a handful of both in Ripple's inventory and don't hold back when they're needed the most. 

The critters that accost Ripple come in various shapes, but their sizes stay relatively small. This aspect of Magical Chase gives it a more pronounced identity than the average cute 'em up. Mid-bosses & Bosses aren't gargantuan immobile creatures that take up half the screen. Oftentimes, they're little gremlins that fly around. Players can take advantage of this by continually positioning themselves just out of range. Later fights ramp up the intensity of attacks, ensuring that there's rarely a safe spot to sit in.

I don't think there's anything else to talk about. Magical Chase is quaint in all the right ways. All six of its stages, even the mid-boss-heavy finale, are sufficient and succinct. Its mechanics will require some practice to get a handle on. Fumbling the star maidens during a critical moment happens to everyone. Its lax attitude towards persistent screw-ups like me is really appreciated. When the game gets challenging, it does so in a manner that feels sensible. Give it at least one playthrough every couple of years, and maybe you'll get an extra 1% happiness in your life.

(Or you could play something like Cyber Core and lose happiness. It's your call.)