Xbox 360 Look - Sonic Generations

(This review was originally written in 2011, so think of it as a really dated time capsule)

It’s difficult for me to pinpoint why Sonic Generation exists. Oh, sure anyone could say it’s because Sega wants to make money, and Sonic games are usually pretty successful. When I think about this game I also have to think about the past twenty years of Sonic games I’ve played. I’m supposed to get a little nostalgic and remember the better days aren’t I? No, I can’t let that happen. Just because I hear a familiar tune or see something that brings back pleasant memories does not mean anything. In order for me to consider Sonic Generations a success it has to be on its own merits. Admittedly my judgment gets more than a little clouded while playing this game. Sonic Team knew exactly what strings to pull and what notes to hit. In audiovisual terms Sonic Generations is quite the love letter to fans of the franchise. But if history has taught me anything when it comes to Sonic games I should go beyond those good first impressions to discover if the game itself is worthwhile.

This time around Sonic doesn’t have to deal with ancient civilizations or fuss around with princess-rescuing. All he has to do is go back in time, to another world, where he can…relive past adventures with his former self to save his friends. Back then for all the running Sonic did he was still a pretty chubby guy, and he didn’t talk either. Today Sonic is looking fit, but he just won’t shut up. The two of them must work together to stop something known as the time-eater from destroying the fabric of time and space. The worst-case scenario if our heroes fail is that the Sonic game from 2006 could be willed back into existence, and nobody wants that. For fans of bullet-points this game consists of nine zones with two acts apiece, along with a handful of boss-fights and nearly one hundred challenge missions.

The deal with Sonic Generations is that it follows a bit of a timeline. The game starts off humbly with yesterday’s Sonic sticking to what works, which is running, jumping, and occasionally spin-dashing. Today’s Sonic doesn’t have it quite as simple, since he has his whiz-bang supersonic powers like boosting, the homing attack, light-speed dash, and all sorts of other tricks. In order to progress the Sonics have to complete each zone, rescue their friends, and then take on at least one challenge in each zone to collect keys for the boss battles. If you’ve played a Sonic game in the early 90s and one of the newer games like Unleashed or Colors, then you won’t have any trouble here.

Unlike that time Sonic turned into a were-hog for a rough God of War re-enactment, there is no weak link in this go-around. Retro Sonic lacks the incredible controls and mechanics of his 16-bit days but the levels he explores more than make up for it. Some of them such as City Escape and Sky Sanctuary make creative use of the lost art of 2.5D game-design. There’s something about seeing a rampaging semi knocking down platforms or enemies that attack from the background that is just very cool. The levels also feature several alternate paths and shortcuts, some leading to red rings. These are worth looking for since they lead to neat rewards such as new music and abilities, which I’ll get into a bit later. Out of the nine if I had to pick the worst level it’d be Planet Wisp. Most of the level is spent fumbling around with gears and is generally a bit of a slog. It reminds me of act 2 of the Sandopolis Zone in Sonic & Knuckles, which is one of many experiences I wish I could forget.

As far as concerns Modern Sonic, I have to be honest, I think he got the better side of this game. Now the thing to keep in mind is that two of my favorite entries in the franchise are the first game, and Sonic CD. To me Sonic works best when he isn’t weighed down by context and understanding, and he should stick to running through worlds more fantastical than the next. Also, while he had his trademark blazing speed, it was how he controlled it and used to in advantageous ways to really make his imprint on these fascinating worlds. Today’s Sonic doesn’t really have that ability, since the levels he races through are paced more appropriately with him in mind. Originally Sonic was a fast hero in a slow world, now it feels like the world has caught up with him. When the controls and level-design actually work the Sonic of right now is capable of some great things, and I’m disappointed that it took close to ten years for that formula to approach perfection. It’s really strange how it works out. The Sonic of the past got it right the first time around, and his future games served as an extension of that basis. The Sonic of today and quite possibly tomorrow has seen many ups and downs and only now are things starting to come together, which makes me enthused for what could happen next.

Where the two Sonics really differ is in how their stages play out. Current Sonic relies on his skills and reflexes to succeed while early Sonic understands the importance of memorization and learning his way around the level. This isn’t always the case over the course of the game but it’s rare that either Sonic will find themselves with their roles reversed. It’s disappointing that the 16-bit Sonic doesn’t have his full potential available to him. Because with all of the technology available to Sonic Team combined with the masterful controls and physics of the early games, Generations could have been an absolutely stellar package.

Both Sonics have access to a cache of special abilities they can either purchase or unlock through completing challenges or collecting red rings. Some of them are familiar such as a bubble shield for 2.5D Sonic and others are just mundane like an increased boost meter for 3D Sonic. It’s worth attaining and testing them all since they give incentive to replay levels. The ranking system in this game is very generous, as even new players will be drowning in S-ranks for what they consider to be mediocre performances in the acts. There is leaderboard support however so the real way to prove that you’re the best is through how long it takes you to beat every level.

The challenges are numerous and tend to fall under certain categories. Sometimes Sonic has to race himself, other times he’s given some new ability and must complete a portion of a level with it, still other times one of his many friends assists in his endeavors. As you can imagine, having so many challenge missions to go through means there are a handful of bad ones. Most can be completed on the first attempt but the few that slip by can be frustrating and make one question the decision-making process over at Sonic Team. On the bright side while the missions usually take place in their respective zones, they tend to offer changed aspects such as different enemy placement or in some cases entirely new areas. Plus, every completed mission can lead to a new song or piece of art unlocked. There are about 50 music tracks in this game, and you’re free to select any you’ve acquired for the challenge you’re about to take on. Traditionally the music in Sonic the Hedgehog games has always been excellent so this is a very welcome feature.

Sonic Generations has one of the worst final boss fights I have seen in a videogame. For the most part the bosses in this game are quite good but the finale this time around feels like something that belongs in a “worst of Modern Sonic” compilation along with Sonic Heroes. More than anything this was a missed opportunity that should have been used to create an encounter that both Sonics could team up for. Instead, it feels like something that was thrown in at the last minute to make the deadline. On the bright side at least a very cool special ability is awarded for suffering through this horrid finale. Aside from that mess the only other issues I have with this game involve the framerate and a handful of glitches. Unlike almost all of the other 3D Sonic games I’ve played I can attribute only a few of my deaths to glitches or something involving the camera or controls. It’s a vast improvement but still not perfect in that regard.

As a modern Sonic game, Generations is really good. The levels are generally fantastic and for once I only needed one hand to count the number of times I’ve died due to issues with controls or glitches. It’s obvious that the designers behind this game had a lot of confidence in what they were doing so they really got creative with its levels. As a classic Sonic game, Generations is a solid ride. It’s lacking in the ways that made the early titles special, but it still does the job with some great levels and endearing charm. Whether you prefer old or new Sonic is irrelevant. As long as you can enjoy a good platforming game, you’ll find a lot to like about Sonic Generations.

Xbox Live Arcade Look - Sonic CD

(Note: This review was originally written in 2011)

You may remember that the last time I talked about a Sonic the Hedgehog game I dropped this little nugget: “Now the thing to keep in mind is that my two favorite entries in the franchise are the first game and Sonic CD.” Well, here we are. This is a review of Sonic CD, or more specifically the excellent port that was just released on Xbox Live, Playstation Network (in Europe), and smart phones. It’s necessary that I explain my reasons for absolutely loving this game, because it’s considered a “black sheep” of the series. If I were talking about maybe Sonic 2 or Sonic 3 & Knuckles hardly anybody would bat an eye and this review would be several times shorter. I could also have just said something to the effect of the game not being for everyone, it spoke to me emotionally, and blah blah. Unfortunately, I’m afraid that’s impossible.

First let’s get the important stuff out of the way. For a pittance you’ll receive the best port a Sonic game has yet seen. Christian “Taxman” Whitehead has delivered a phenomenal port; there’s no question about that. To call it perfect would actually be doing it a disservice, since the frame of reference is the original Sega CD version. This edition kicks that and all other versions down a hundred-dozen flights of stairs. The entirety of the game runs at a flawless 60 frames per second, the controls and physics are immaculate, Tails is playable. Thanks to the improved framerate the special stages are at least tolerable instead of absolutely infuriating. Even both the US and EU/JPN soundtracks are included, which won’t stop forum-goers everywhere from arguing over which one is better but hey. I’ve gone through this version multiple times and can confirm that it is beyond flawless. The only problem is…well it’s still Sonic CD, and for some people that’s a bad thing.

I’ve always thought that Sonic the Hedgehog worked best as fast character in a slow world. The most popular Sonic games always seem to have an overabundance of speed-boosters, springs, and other objects that send Sonic in every which direction. In-between those instances maybe I’ll jump on some blocks and grab a few power-ups before I get shuffled off to the next sequence of loops, twirls, and corkscrews. The way I see it, Sonic should have the advantage. Where a slower platformer-hero would have to land on every floating platform to traverse a bottom-less pit, Sonic could skip two, three, or even the entire pit if he’s fast enough. This is part of the reason why I think so highly of Sonic CD, because it challenges my ideal vision.

One would think that after nearly twenty years, I’d have already figured this game out in its entirety and could write a grand thesis explaining its every intricacy and provide sufficient reasoning for what works and what doesn’t. Even after so many play-throughs I still don’t understand it. Sonic CD is an ambitious game, mainly because it was trying to do things one wouldn’t expect in a Sonic game. It’s easy to write this game off simply because it works so hard to go against what we are familiar with. At the same time however that’s part of what makes Sonic CD work so well. We’re supposed to feel lost, like we’re in a world that doesn’t welcome a little blue hedgehog with super-speedy shoes. The loops and twirls are still around, but some are in-complete, like somebody was in the middle of designing a Sonic game and said “why bother?” and just left everything as is. All expectations are thrown out the window from the first act onward and it’s all on the player to make their way through. However there is one sure thing, this game was designed with limitations in mind. If Sonic could just jump over every obstacle what’s next? Maybe he’ll get a cape and fly over entire stages. In a way I got what I wanted, but the most important rule of game-design is to not always give the player what they want.

 Sonic CD’s level-design is very unique, because the first two acts of all seven zones has to account for three different time-periods and their slight yet also noticeable differences. After touching a future or past post Sonic can travel to the corresponding time if he can maintain a certain speed for a few seconds. You may remember in The Legend of Zelda: The Link to the Past how if Link tried to return to his world and there was a rock or a wall in the way he’d get kicked back to the Dark World. The level-design in Sonic CD has to account for every possibility so that Sonic doesn’t find himself trapped, forced under the stage, or tossed in some inexplicable corner of nowhere to rot. This is probably why that in the entire game there is only a single bottom-less pit, and it’s located in act 3 of the final zone, free from any time-travel shenanigans. Also unlike most Sonic games there is plenty of back-tracking involved and most of the time the player can start from near the end of an act and still make their way back to the very beginning of it.

This however does not stop Sonic CD from featuring all manner of twisting passages, tight corners, and an assortment of obstacles thrown around solely to frustrate the player. There are the expected dangers like robots and traps, but like almost any other Sonic game they’re only a threat if you’re after a specific goal. In the case of this game, it’s to make a good future, by either going to the past and destroying generators or completing the special stages. This makes for two goals, one that players can achieve through exploration and the other through finesse, as at least 50 rings must be held to open the way to the special stage. It’s as if the developers behind this game realized the inherent flaw that is the lack of challenge in a Sonic game. After all Sonic only needs to hold onto one ring at all times in order to survive. So why not focus the level-design towards hindering the player as much as possible?

This goes beyond robots or the occasional bed of spikes. Every aspect of this game is designed to waste the player’s time. Enemies along a seemingly quiet road, springs and bumpers that kick Sonic away from his objective, and since Sonic needs a few seconds and plenty of speed to time travel, that means outside of a few locations designed specifically for such an endeavor Sonic is going to have to make his own route. The penalty for failure is exceedingly low since if the player doesn’t get what they’re after they can restart the act without so much as one of their remaining lives getting taken away. There are gamers out there who don’t believe in retries or reloading saves, and I salute their resolve. Attaining everything flawlessly in Sonic CD is where the real challenge lies.

While exploration is key to Sonic CD, the levels have also been designed with speed in mind. Unlike what some will tell you, getting through a Sonic game quickly is more than just holding right and tapping the jump button occasionally. In the Time-attack mode it’s all about timing and memorization. Each act has that optimal path every speedrunner strives for and there are a number of maneuvers that can be performed to shave those precious seconds. This can involve jumping at the right moment to get Sonic that necessary momentum, figuring out the patterns of moving platforms, and generally making a lot of moves while knowing instead of seeing what comes next. Every zone in this game is designed for both exploration and speedrunning, even though it’s not obvious. Even a much-maligned zone like Wacky Workbench has reason for its madness. It’s all the more rewarding when such a convoluted stage can be bested.

All in all, the game plays with both my expectations and ideals. The solution is never apparent, so I have to work around the game’s terms to find it. This may be one of the easiest Sonic the Hedgehog games to stumble through but there is a very special appeal in working through the level so that I can achieve every goal I have for it. This is where its open level-design really excels. Of course, it helps that this game is backed by two wonderful soundtracks and some solid art-direction, even though it’s not on the first game’s level.

The other major reason why I’m so fond of Sonic CD is that even though it has goals, it also gives me ample opportunity to ignore them. This game provides reason enough for players to go into the past, but what about the future? Sure, the good future makes for a nice visit with its pleasant scenery and music, but nobody bothers to see the bad future. I have to visit all time periods and explore, even if there’s nothing of value to be found. Maybe there is some creative trap that isn’t found anywhere else in the game, or it could be just a few rocks designed specifically to hold the stage together. I guess maybe I just enjoy exploration more when there isn’t a reward to be had. It’s like how in the first Sonic game there were alternate paths that held nothing of value. It gives the game a more atmospheric quality; offering a bit more than level-design that simply expects the player to go through the motions to reach the end. What can I say? I’m also the guy who would play through NiGHTs solely as the kids, which goes against the entire goal of the game.

 As a reminder, in no way am I saying that the people who dislike this game are “playing it wrong” or don’t understand it. Sonic CD is a divisive game, and its best qualities are not easily definable. In nearly every respect it could stand alongside the most acclaimed entries in the franchise, but where it differentiates itself from the pack could be considered its greatest weakness. Still, Sega and Taxman have offered the perfect opportunity for everyone to experience this game, and I see no reason why everyone shouldn’t at least give it a look.

Xbox 360 look - Deathsmiles II-X

(Note: This review was originally written back in 2011)

If the idea of a Christmas-themed 2D shooter starring little girls jingles your bells then you’ll be singing “Joy to the World” when Deathsmiles II-X arrives in your stocking, and I seriously don’t think any of this makes sense. The Deathsmiles series has been a bit of a hard-sell not just because it’s part of such a niche genre, but the subject matter is more than a little disconcerting. The original Deathsmiles reached the United States with the tagline “Death smiles at us all. Lolis smile back.” While the definition of what a “Loli” is varies wildly it still carries quite a negative connotation. Aksys -- the publisher of the first game in the United States -- has also more or less washed their hands of the 2D shooter genre. Thankfully in keeping with the spirit of mangled proverbs a door might have closed but a window just recently opened. Deathsmiles II-X is currently available via the Xbox 360 Games on Demand service and while it is at times bizarre and inconsistent the mechanics are superb, the game-design is inventive and accessible, and altogether it is a great package for fans.

 Those of you out there who are unfamiliar with the first game probably still won’t understand a thing after I’m through explaining the story for this game, but I have no choice. It seems that when some young girls suffer tragic unexplainable fates, they are actually whisked away to an alternate world called Gilverado. In this world they discover they have incredible powers and must use them to protect the innocent. Count Dior is the caretaker of these girls and sends them out to do good when the forces of darkness threaten their world. These girls are known as Angels so this game could also be called “Dior’s Angels”. It’d be just like Charlie’s Angels except really weird.

In their latest adventure these angels must stop Satan Claws from ruining Christmas for everybody. It turns out that St. Nick is only jolly when he’s exacting revenge and Dior just happened to be the last guy that sent him back to the Netherworld North Pole. To further his evil schemes Satan Claws also makes off with a handful of wish-granting musical notes. The Angels must trek through six or seven levels facing off against the evil and the absurd so they can get those notes back, save Dior’s life, and discover the true meaning of Christmas. I haven’t quite figured that last part out myself, but I think it involves scoring billions of points.

There’s not a whole lot to say about the Angels themselves. Windia is the emotional type, Casper is the repressed one, Follett is always quiet, and Rosa never takes things seriously. This just sums up the regulars since two new Angels join in for this game. Lei and Supe’s story is shockingly similar to “It’s a Wonderful Life”. It involves big brother Lei trying to save Supe when she falls through thin ice into a frigid pond. Unfortunately for Lei he doesn’t get away with going deaf in one ear. Instead, he and his sister are dumped in Gilverado where a homeless man tells Lei to dress like a maid and get a job at Dior’s. As for Supe it turns out that she has great powers of her own, but Satan Claws discovers this and uses her to infiltrate the Dior home. Look, I don’t know. Is it too late to go back to the “Lone pilot must stop an alien armada” storylines? I really don’t know if I can take much more of this.

Deathsmiles II-X is broken up into three modes. The regular mode allows for whichever Angel you choose to go through multiple stages of horizontal and rarely vertical action. 2D shooter staples are abound as there are bosses to contend with, weak enemies that die in a single shot, and larger foes packing heavy firepower show up occasionally. Unlike most other shooters however there are very few power-ups and they tend to be of the life-restoring variety. Each of the six playable Angels have a regular shot that is used by tapping the fire button (there are two of them for both directions), a powerful shot when the button is held down, a homing attack that is done by holding both fire buttons, and finally a handful of bombs for escaping bad situations.

When it comes to 2D shooters there is always a balance between survival and scoring. Survival is simply put being able to beat the game without continuing while scoring is simply put, getting as many points in the process as possible. Much of the challenge in Deathsmiles II-X comes from the scoring aspect since there are multiple factors to account for and situations can become more difficult to handle as higher scores require riskier play. On the other hand, it is very easy to avoid these situations and play purely for survival, but this will get boring before too long. While this entry retains the selectable difficulty levels for every stage even on the hardest settings it never becomes quite as challenging as the original Deathsmiles.

Just like any other 2D shooter Deathsmiles II-X has multiple aspects and sub-systems that you’ll have to account for if you wish to get your high-score into the billions. Like the prior game the main focus is on the power-up mode. When enemies are shot at or destroyed, they cough up hundreds of rings. One set of rings causes the multiplier to rise while another set raises the item count. The item count must be 1,000 to trigger power-up mode and multiplier must be at or close to 10,000 in order to get the most out of it. While in power-up mode the Angels can collect ridiculous amounts of rings and they must do everything they can to keep power-up mode going or be in the best position to recharge it instantly when it inevitably fades away. Through magic, time-distortion, or something similarly nonsensical, new-types of bullets will spawn when the Angels destroy enemies during power-up mode. These blue bullets are just as fatal as the violet and cyan bits of death that flood the screen and they also follow the Angels around. This phenomenon can be turned to your advantage since after a few seconds blue bullets gain a bit of red coloring to them. These are essential to triggering a healthy recharge and subsequently going into power-up mode, so timing the lock-shot to cancel them out at the right moment is a very useful technique. While in power-up mode enemies in the background that are destroyed with the lock-shot release their own form of homing bullets, by lock-shot-canceling these at the right moment you can get even more rings. These are the fundamentals of the scoring system and they’re also useful during boss-fights as these foes can be “milked” for a ton of points. It's a lot to absorb, but like all seemingly obtuse shmup mechanics, will become second nature very soon.

The Arranged mode is what one has come to expect from a Cave port. If you can understand the basics of the original game, you’ll likely figure out this mode without too much trouble. At its core it involves the Angels throwing their familiars around (little guys that attack and absorb bullets) and going from there. There is also a tension meter that fills when you’re doing great which results in the enemy firing more bullets. That means even more points if you know what you’re doing. It is a good addition and not much more because I doubt I’ll get nearly as much mileage out of this mode as the original. Maybe it’s the pacing, maybe there are just too many bullets, or maybe I just don’t like the screen slowing down to an absolute crawl for thirty minutes straight. Finally, there is the extra mode which is barely worth acknowledging. You take control of a familiar to navigate mazes, jump over obstacles, and generally do whatever you can to collect achievements and stay awake. My advice is to avoid operating heavy machinery after playing this snore-fest of an extra mode and lie down immediately.

Oh? There’s an arcade mode in this game too? Cave would almost love for everyone to believe otherwise because the actual arcade port in this game is quite an afterthought. For the unaware Deathsmiles 2 is a very different beast, because the difficulty settings aren’t available and there are only five stages to play through. For some gamers out there, this might be the best version of the game as more of the challenge lies in the survival aspect and the scoring system is a bit easier to work out. It is a shame however that Cave did little more than a barren port for this game. There are leaderboards at least and if you can look past the lousy visuals, you’ll likely find this mode quite entertaining.

Even ignoring the play-for-score aspects there is quite a bit of replay value to the Deathsmiles II-X package. All six Angels have multiple endings and there’s even a hidden ending for defeating the True Last Boss. I should warn you however that a number of these endings will have you yelling “WHY?” from the roof tops. Still, going after all of the endings can make for good practice since that’s no less than thirteen playthroughs using everybody. The Arranged mode is worth a few playthroughs just for the spectacle of it all and the Extra mode? Well…you can listen to the first Deathsmiles’ fantastic soundtrack.

While it is expected to say that a 2D shooter isn’t for everyone Deathsmiles II-X is a particularly interesting case. Not only can it turn away fans of the genre but it can also turn away fans of the first Deathsmiles. Honestly while I think of the first game as more cohesive and better put-together I get a lot of enjoyment out of the second game. It might be that I’m comfortable with part 2’s subsystems or maybe I just hate Deathsmiles' deluge of revenge bullets that much. Either way this is a respectable followup and I definitely recommend giving it a chance.

4 out of 5

2026 Special - Axiom Verge 2

There will be spoilers ahead. This is your only warning.

I've been having something of an internal debate on whether or not I should wait a week before writing this Axiom Verge 2 review. When it comes to transhumanism, my beliefs are determined almost entirely by how much pain I'm currently in. At this exact moment, I'm doing okay. I can appreciate the subtle yet wonderful feelings, such as goosebumps while listening to a favorite song, the uncomfortable yet satisfying brain freeze from drinking a slushee on a hot summer day, all those times when the human body is more than just a prison of flesh that hasn't yet locked the door. In a week or less, okay will turn to abysmal, and I'll begging for my brain to get plopped into a glass jar and away from whatever hell I'm suffering in. I mean, shit, it wasn't even a month ago when I moved my hip too quickly while pouring tomatoes into a bucket. Within a minute, I was struck with what might've been bursitis. Impossible to know for sure when getting a timely doctor's appointment in America is a laughable proposition. Anyway, the hip pain was as debilitating as it was excruciating. One morning I tried using my calves to push myself out of bed. Managed to pull both of them instead. 10:00 am, couldn't stand, let alone walk, and still had to make it into work somehow. 

Ultimately, I'm the architect of my own destruction. The first 45 years of life were spent ignoring words like moderation and exercise. Shameful really, because getting that heartrate elevated and entering "the zone" while working out feels immense, almost like I reached a higher plane of existence. Imagine if I actually stuck with it. In lieu of words that barely make sense, my reviews would contain shirtless pics and number scores. Nowadays though, I'm not sure if even nanomachines or a robot body would do me any good. I'd probably fuck them up even worse. It's because I never learned to love myself. Obsessing over the could've beens or never weres instead of who I am has created an abomination of flesh and machinery that slides across the floor. This is probably what The Substance was telling me and I'm only just now piecing it together. Even if we have the means to extend lives, will it matter if we don't make the effort to preserve them? 

Instead of trying to convince myself that there's a path to transcendence, I should focus on bettering the however many years I have left. A couple goddamn stretches in the morning might've prevented that bursitis and the agonizing days that followed. Good luck convincing my brain to do anything besides make bad decisions though. Perhaps the truth is that we're too afraid to admit we deserve each other. We - much like you and the brains floating in your skulls - inherited a miserable world full of problems. Instead of working to better the lives of those around us (as well as our own), we chose to wallow in the depths. I think that even if I was given more time or a second chance on this planet Earth, I'd squander it the first chance I got. My brain would leave my body to rot while he left on an expedition to a world of his own creation. 

This is the undercurrent that flows throughout Axiom Verge 2. The head of super conglomerate Globe 3, Indra Chaudhari is a CEO living the typical CEO life. Mergers and acquisitions, laying off thousands of workers while profits are soaring, all the greatest hits. Her latest score was Hammond Corp. Once a major competitor, this company's stock price plummeted after its CEO disappeared during a trip to Antarctica. Indra quickly snatched everything up, turning Globe 3 from megacorp to gigacorp. Among the assets was Dr. Hammond's ansible, a communication terminal with transdimensional capabilities. While investigating the device, she read the following:

Come to Antarctica if you wish to see your daughter again.

Reasoning that she's ready for whatever fate has in store for her, Indra immediately headed to Jones Station. While searching the site for any sign of her daughter or Dr. Hammon, she's transported to Kiengir. Somewhere in the valleys and war-torn ruins, Indra faces a question that lacks a plausible answer: How much of yourself can you give up before you no longer exist? 

Not long after her arrival, a brush with death forces the CEO to undergo an incredible transformation. Now she's a Wielder, a human who has formed a deep connection with the Sagiga. They're native to this mysterious universe and capable of lending their powers to Wielders via nanotechnology. Through the service of these Arms, Indra can explore and fight in all the ways a being of flesh and bone could never imagine. One of her first discoveries is that she no longer has to fear drowning. Also, fatal damage simply results in her being whisked away to the last save point. Considerable perks provided one is willing to live with a body constructed entirely of nanomachines. 

Before going further, I have to point out that I've played less than 30 minutes of the first Axiom Verge. Thus, I went into the sequel without any expectations. All I knew was that the main character is a woman, and the first weapons she obtains are a climbing axe and a boomerang. Kiengir, as it turns out, is filled with killer robots; always on patrol and ready to fire upon anything human-shaped. While there are stealth-like mechanics, their purpose is served as a part of combat. To put it another way, outside of extreme exceptions, Indra isn't busting out any sweet combos. Get the drop on robots to eliminate them quickly or take advantage of their slightly delayed reactions to get away. A third option materializes before long, and it involves hacking into the machines to shut down their weapons or gain a temporary ally. 

In a strange yet intriguing twist, most of the bosses are entirely optional. Though they aren't especially difficult, destroying them still feels satisfying. It makes me feel as if I had stumbled upon an exploit that allowed me to defeat an unwinnable boss in an RPG. I don't know how else to describe it. Perhaps it's their immense size and the blase attitude they give off. The apocalypse arm flasks they drop upon destruction are decent rewards early on, since they can be converted to increased attack power, more health, the ability to hack higher-level objects, etc. Really though, combat as Indra is refreshingly subdued. There are various types of enemies, all with varying limitations. Just because they're capable of pursuit doesn't mean that they'll be able to keep up with someone. This really benefits the level-design and atmosphere. Every encounter feels like a part of Kiengir, and not just "this is the part where I press buttons until something explodes."

One Arm that I didn't pay much mind to at first is the drone. When activated, it allows Indra's consciousness to exist inside a little scouting mech. Its primary method of attack is a sawblade on a string. Almost reminds me of a yo-yo. Is this a Goonies II reference? Never mind. Early on, the main purpose of being a drone is to enter the Breach, a heavily stylized world that's explicitly designed to be game-like. Any contact with the strange inhabitants will result in damage, and their behavior has a lot in common with the rank & file of some 8-bit classic. It's quite a departure from the rest of Axiom Verge 2, and just fantastic. Utilizing the portals to jump between worlds is very Link to the Past. I'll be real here; it's a happy coincidence that this game evokes the same Zelda that I've replayed the most. Still, it's as I said earlier, it wasn't until a certain event that I saw the drone's most brilliant quality.

In a bold, yet not entirely unexpected move, Indra's body is stolen. By this point it was probably all nanomachines, but it was still her body, and now it's in the hands of someone plotting a multiverse-destroying scheme. On the plus side, the heroine will get something much better before long. That's right, it's an upgraded drone body that allows her to take a human-shape at any time. It's around this point that I really started to engage with the game's central themes. Before then, I treated the drone as just another neat mechanic, not even considering the possibility that it'd be anything more than temporary. The realization that this would become Indra's new body struck me pretty damn hard. 

Once the initial shock passed, I discovered that I was much more at home in this new body. Instead of having to hurl the drone towards the nearest problem, Indra changes shape with as much ease as a button press. It's seamless, natural, and freeing. This was around the time where the questions started piling up, hardly any of which were related to the plot or characters. How is it that moving around in a wholly mechanical body feels so much better to move around in than her actual human body? I mean, it's not as if Indra 2.0 received a double jump or a speed boost. She's exactly the same as before, yet I've convinced myself otherwise. 

Also, post-transformation, I felt this sense of belonging that wasn't there before. Early on, I was just a stranger to the world, but for once I feel like I actually inhabit it. Yes, the robots are still all out to get me, but it's as if giving up on my old body - or Indra's, I should say - has brought contentment. After 40 odd years of searching, I finally found a home. As far as the game is concerned, this rush of sensations didn't last very long, but it did give me a few thoughts to chew on while looking for more upgrades. The bits of lore scattered throughout Kiengir add welcome details to mull over.

The interconnectedness of the human & droid does a lot for exploration. Jumping off of a wall as a human and then hovering across a chasm as a droid is quite cool. Both forms also have their own set of strengths, yet the player isn't penalizing for favoring one over the other. Yes, the Indra who can use her axe and boomerang has more combat prowess, but the four-legged Indra is a smaller target. There's a fair amount of backtracking needed to obtain everything, which really highlights the value in having two forms that are functionally different, yet also not superior to each other. Of course, having a generous fast-travel feature helps a ton. The average player will be a 1/3rd of the way through the game by the time they obtain it, but instant access to every discovered save point is generous as hell. 

I will say however that I wish there were a few more weapons to find. The distribution of them isn't great, and it wasn't until the very end of the game that I found something that felt better to use than the double-sided axe. Speaking of, that particular axe has one of those hitboxes that doesn't cover the player-character's sprite. Basically, if an enemy manages to invade Indra's personal space, wildly swinging the axe won't do a lot of good. This is a very niche issue that really only occurs when faced with jumping spider-bots, but I just have to bring it up. 

Besides being a fantastic Metroidvania, Axiom Verge 2 does a stellar job at presenting its themes, none of which distract let alone detract from the great world-design and superb controls. Also, I might've learned something about myself. It's not good, but oh well. Maybe I should take better care of this damnable body. After all, it'll have to defend itself from my twisted mind.

Good news! There's a secret behind a waterfall!

2026 Special - Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising

Today's look is at the functional yet unexciting Action RPG Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising. You're probably wondering why I'd drop the one sentence summary at the beginning of the review instead of the end of it. The reason for that is I'm feeling generous. Not everyone should have to suffer the mundanity of an underemployed writer trying in vain to make "press A to jump and X to attack" sound clever... unless they want to. Maybe readers will "get lucky" and I'll veer into random topics or paragraph-stretching diatribes about a hitbox that wronged me.  Sorry to say, but don't expect too much of either. I pressed my face so close to the TV that my eyelashes were brushing dust off the screen, and I still couldn't find anything to "justify" a spittle-encrusted rant. This is a Natsume - excuse me, Natsume Atari - video game, and they don't make faulty products. It would've been nice, however, if this 10+ hour adventure about a teenage girl and her stamp collection had some mechanical density. 

What is "mechanical density" you ask? It's two random words pressed together. You've probably known this for longer than even myself but carrying the self-important air of authority is what gets me out of bed in the afternoon. I heap lavish praise on the miniscule details of games that I've played for only two or three hours; then I'll turn around and spend literally half a day on something that turns my brain into literal grey goo. Either my standards are a mask too cheap for Spirit Halloween to carry, or I've convinced myself that buried between the two extremes is the "Eureka!" that allows me to crush reality and finally get paid to write about video games. 

Hold a moment, please. I'm getting a phone call. Let me just reach across my desk without knocking over the ten half-empty bottles of sertraline and- 

"Hello?"

"It's never fucking happening." *CLICK*. 

That was reality, unimpressed as ever by my attempts to do anything besides fail. Since it'll be another couple of days before I hear from them again, let's get on with why I stuck with a game I seem extremely disinterested in actually reviewing.

Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising is repetitive, filled with mind-numbing tasks, and its bestiary is a pitiable sight. Where this Action RPG succeeds is in all the things that I'm not 100% sure if I should be praising. First and foremost, I couldn't shake the compulsion to rebuild New Nevaeh. Long before CJ's arrival, the once prosperous town was laid to ruin by a series of catastrophes. Turning something that wouldn't have been fit for ghosts into a thriving city is accomplished through the completion of a hundred or so tasks. They're all some variation of "find x" or "farm x" and would be the epitome of tedium if not for one simple thing. I sincerely believe that if you must give the player tons of meaningless chores to get through your game, then you must also do everything in your power to ensure that they are never inconvenienced for even a second. Basically, there's no limit on how many ongoing quests CJ can have. Fast-travel points and the ability to teleport to any street in town saves a ton of time. The means to solve highlighted quests are pointed out with big cyan exclamation points. Some job-assigners overlapped, so I could talk to the same person multiple times to complete multiple jobs. At no point do the 100+ mindless errands stop feeling like 100+ mindless errands, but I was in a constant state of not caring. Putting in miniscule effort and being appropriately rewarded for it massaged my think-box into complacency. 

It helps that CJ and her eventual friends Garoo and Isha have interesting personalities and quirks, which are repeatedly bounced off of each other as well as the multitude of stamp-givers they interact with. Somehow, it isn't tiring to read all of the possible ways in which CJ can greet someone and ask for a stamp. Further driving my effort to accomplish all these tasks is New Nevaeh itself. Natsume Atari did a great job designing this town. It's practically desolated at the start but gets livelier as the hours (and stamps) accumulate. Seeing everyone enjoying their new home brings a sense of comfort to this cold and shriveled heart. 

The nearby dungeons can best be described as forest, mines, ruins, snow, and fire. Its occupants tend to have some sort of elemental affinity, which isn't hard to exploit once you've acquired some rune gems. Combat in general is mostly just a stat check. Someone who takes time to upgrade the heroic trio's equipment and keep them leveled will fly through Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising without a care. Most enemies are crushed by attack links, which are simple to perform and keep battles from devolving to mere button presses. It's nothing astounding, but I have to admit that watching CJ perform a flip kick that sends the hapless opposition barreling into their unlucky allies feels nice. Garoo knocking out tougher foes by batting their projectiles back at them is also... something. Isha's spells are strangely annoying to aim, but most of the time her duty was to throw frozen spears from the sky, treating everything below to a horrible day. 

Honestly, the combat in this game isn't terrible. Effortless, predictable, bland are just a few of the many criticisms I could throw its way, but all of them added together still wouldn't be enough for me to say, "I can't deal with this shit any longer." The typical enemy encounter takes, what? A few seconds? The final boss was a total joke. Funny, I'm starting to sense a pattern. Completing over 150 menial tasks and slaying over 15,000 monsters never caused my expression to drop below "bored yet compelled". The smartest decision this game ever made was to avoid giving it any friction. I might've snapped out of my comfortable stupor if one incident where I had to reevaluate my strategy had ever occurred.  

There's hardly any reason to comment on the hard difficulty setting. It raises the enemy's levels, as if that'd mean anything when one of the post-game accessories gifts its owner with a 100% critical-hit rate. 2009 me probably would've said that players should impose their own challenges to keep battles interesting, but he always spoke that kind-of nonsense. This is not the game for low-level no-damage fanatics. If sweat is what you're after, then look towards the thousands of other, better choices. 

Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising is an elegant time waster. The quests are short, battles end quickly, and getting from point A to B to Z requires so little from the player that it has to be intentional. I might've been wrong from the start, creating high expectations for what is ultimately a supplementary game. It did exactly what it needed to do, and at no point was I ever disgusted with what it was putting me through. HOWEVER, I still have to dock points for the lack of mechanical density. 

2026 Special - Faussete Amour

I think Faussete Amour is trying too hard to be two different games. It wants to have the tough-as-nails arcade action, but it also wants to be playful and creative. Comparisons to Bionic Commando and Ghouls n' Ghosts have swirled around this 1993 product by Naxat Soft for quite some time, but it's not as deep as either of those Capcom classics. The relaxed pace and emphasis on (tonally jarring) cute characters suggest that this could've been a mascot-platformer, just with a NSFW tag. However, those kinds of games tend to be more forgiving and geared towards a wide swath of skill-levels, but this... hmm... You know something? The more I think about this game, the more confused I get. 

As the story goes, a village was attacked by a demonic cult led by some masked goof named Goat Bone. In order to rescue her sister, Corque Lans grabs her customized lance, dons the pinkest magical armor, and sets off on 7 stages of fun and adventure. The "fun" is in trying to avoid bottomless pits, monster hordes, and scantily clad lackies who transform into archdemons. The "adventure" is inadvertently slaying both Corque's sister and her husband-to-be, only to then be confronted by Baphomet. Don't worry! If our heroine manages to kill an occult deity, everyone will be brought back to life and have a good Christian wedding. 

I'm probably still going to get Twitch-banned for showing too much Baphomet underboob.

The tone really is all over the place. There's dark fantasy, murder, implied content warning, nauseatingly cute SD character art, demons with their nipples out, and it's all topped off by Corque herself. Contact with anything remotely evil will strip the warrior of her ridiculous armor. Either she obtains a fresh suit from a nearby fairy, or risks being stripped of her underwear. Somehow, it's a less believable reason to lose a life than being reduced to a pile of bones. I'd be a hypocrite for suggesting this is tasteless but at least allow me say that it's dumb as hell. There must've been one or a dozen media properties that Faussete Amour got its inspiration from, otherwise I can't understand how someone would go about making something that tries to be dark but also cute but also a little horny. Only a little though! Naxat Soft isn't trying to make one of those other games for the PC Engine CD. Maybe my memory is faulty, and there's a property that effortlessly juggles all three extremes, but this game isn't it. 

Anyway, let's just get on with discussing the actual game. Like I said, this is some sort of chimera with a lot of ideas haphazardly strung together. The heroine walks very slowly. There's merit in a cautious step, as it lessens the probability of walking off a ledge, but the inability to react to a sudden shift in one's fortunes is concerning. What I mean is that if something random occurs, Corque is going to have a difficult time walking away from it. I'm hesitant to pull an endgame example, but since I already spoiled the ending: Baphomet has a move where he pounds the floor, causing two rocks to fall from the ceiling. Where these rocks land is randomized. If one should be hurtling towards the heroine's noggin, she's more-than-likely not going to be able to evade it. I've complained incessantly about protagonists who don't give a shit about the world they're supposed to save. Corque walks like she doesn't give a shit about herself, and that's depressing. I know my words carry zero weight, because it's not my body being exploited to sell a video game, but damn. 

Jeeze... Now the guilt is settling in. Let's try and move it along.

Corque's sole weapon is a lance that stretches in multiple directions. Its most common use is reaching and stabbing all creatures that walk, crawl, or fly. There's also a twirling move that's performed by holding the attack-button down while in mid-air. Its wide range makes a great solution to multiple problems, but overuse will result in pain. Since it's usually performed while jumping, you give up the ability to adjust Corque's trajectory. The recovery time is also slightly higher than a regular attack. Twirl mastery is needed to utilize the projectile power-ups, which are found throughout each stage or boss arena. These tend to be the difference makers in the toughest fights, so try and hang onto them.

Pressing the jump button while in mid-air will fire the lance at a 45-degree angle. If it lands in a platform, then the pink-clad warrior can swing to-and-fro indefinitely. Pressing the attack button will launch her into a really neat somersault that demolishes enemies. This is the coolest mechanic in the game, but it's massively underutilized. In fact, none of the bosses make use of grappling, so no somersaulting into weak-points or anything of that sort. Actually, boss-battles are dependent on basic jumps and ducks. Nothing strenuous early on, but that will change in the latter half.

The first three stages in Faussete Amour are probably the most relaxing I've seen in something that wants to be spoken of in the same breath as Ghouls n' Ghosts. This is what gave me the false impression that the developer intended to make a mascot platformer. Keep the difficulty approachable, build upon the swinging mechanics, create something that's not kid-friendly, but could still satisfy the PC Engine's particular niche. Then stage 4 happens, and... oh this was meant to be a hardcore platformer!? Moving platforms, occasional blind jumps, no checkpoints, all working in concert with one another to keep players on edge. The following stage is where the ugliness happens. If you haven't been using that somersault move, then the rising lava and flying projectiles will deliver endless punishment. 

This stage is also where the boss battles start to get ridiculous. Four barely clothed cultists ambush Corque. While they don't all attack at the same time, their contributions are staggered so that players could easily walk from one armor-shedding attack one underwear-shredding attack. Defeating these rude ladies is going to take a lot of trial & error. Though extra lives are common and continues are unlimited, patience dwindles quickly when every string of failures is followed by a replay of the entire stage. Following up with a 6th stage that's more bottomless pit than anything else is just plain harsh. Upon reaching Corque's sister, you begin to realize how frustrating a sloth-ass walking & jumping speed are when the villainess can Sonic the Hedgehog her way through the heroine with ease. 

Then the final stage hits, and it's about as long as three stages smashed together. In case anyone was hoping for a miracle; no, there are no checkpoints. After surviving the gauntlet, Corque is thrust into a two-part final battle with Goat Bone and Baphomet. Both bosses have their own uniquely shitty traits. Strike Goat Bone, and he'll drop a green mutated orb out of his robes; which quickly bounds all over the screen. Baphomet has the aforementioned rocks, bad luck leaves, and hands with questionable hitboxes. None of the fights in this game are long. Instead, they're all designed to eat lives, force retries and eradicate the concept of fun.

Faussete Amour really needed to find a direction and commit to it. If I'm playing an arcade game, then why aren't there more arcade elements like points and secret bonuses? This can't be a mechanics-driven platformer, because all things unique or interesting are pushed aside to have boss battles that could've occurred anywhere else. Basically, there's a lack of direction, and I feel like a bad person whenever I screw up. No thanks.

2026 Special - Valis (PC Engine CD)

Valis: The Legend of the Fantasm Soldier committed most of its energy to being better than its Mega Drive counterpart, and then just sort-of settled with that. I can't help but think that releasing both within mere months of each other wasn't healthy for Riot, let alone the games. Oh, excuse me, I might be attempting to condense this review a bit. The frequent visits to Vecanti have frazzled most of my remaining nerves. I will say this though, the final PCE CD Valis game left me wanting more.

This retelling of Valis 1 features numerous improvements. For starters, Yuko can turn while crouching, making it much easier to destroy enemies attacking from multiple directions, or slide away from danger (instead of towards is). Speaking of her slide, it does damage now! That's actually pretty cool, even if most of the time I only slid for style points. Compared to the MD version, which broke as easily as a wet toothpick once I got the weapon & spell I wanted, this carries some difficulty. However, I still wouldn't be surprised if series regulars finished it in the first few attempts.

What's here is extremely straightforward. From the streets of Tokyo to Rogles' Lair, Yuko runs left to right or vice-versa, blasting incoming monsters with her sword. Enemy encounters are a little more creative than usual. They're much more likely to attack in numbers and from different angles, demanding players to prioritize threats. Most of these fiends are eliminated in a single shot, but any damage they do isn't easily recovered. Every single attack takes away two blocks of health. The most common healing item is a small heart, and it recovers just two blocks. Yeah, the game is being a little stingy, but attacks are easier to avoid, so I suppose I can see the point. The challenge isn't found in death pits or oversized hurtboxes, but in wearing the player down until they've reached a boss with precious little health remaining. 

Another change from the MD version is that respawning enemies are back with a vengeance. They'll reappear the instant an opening becomes available. One example that comes to mind occurs in one of the vertical stages. While climbing pillars, Yuko will spot a spider clung to a ceiling. She jumps up to slay the fiend, but it reappears the instant she tries to jump again and resume her quest. There's no way around these annoyances, so just keep moving and blasting. Each stage only lasts a couple of minutes anyway, which is a good or bad thing depending on one's point-of-view. My point-of-view? It's a little disappointing. I was struck hard by the "that's it?" feeling when I reached Rogles. His castle consists of three hallways and a short elevator. Surely a final boss could do a little more for themselves. This also affects the rest of the game, which never gets a chance to breathe.

While I can't say I was ever truly hurting for power-ups, it's quite odd that getting and keeping my preferred weapon is more difficult than it should be. I like the "S" weapon. It causes a giant sword to fire from Yuko's sword, and then that sword splits into a spread of smaller swords. Very lovely. Valis doesn't like me having the S weapon. During a long fall, several different weapons were placed where I couldn't see what they were, until Yuko had already grabbed them. Just before the anticlimactic encounter with Rogles, five weapon power-ups were arranged in a row. The only catch is that they're so close together that it's impossible to grab the S without also grabbing something else. Yuko has to collect the same letter twice in a row if she wants to increase her weapon power, so this just felt like the game making fun of me. Oh, and losing to a boss causes Yuko's power-level to drop, because of goddamned course.

Valis: The Legend of a Fantasm Soldier is fine. Just plain fine. I'm out of here.

Wait, I forgot. There's one other important thing. Use the wind spell. It creates a shield that practically doubles Yuko's health.