Super Nintendo Look - Parodius Da!

It's another one of those days. I'm supposed to be leaving on a vacation to New York City, but right now I can't get my goddamn bed to work. Forces outside of my control have denied me another decent night's sleep. Frustrated and beleaguered, I sit at the desk and wait for words to appear on this screen. Maybe the bed's functionality will be restored if a few of them have anything to do with Parodius. Back in 1988, Konami released a shmup for the- blah. Actually, screw all that. Let's skip ahead a few years to when Parodius Da! was ported to the Super Famicom. 

Fair warning: This write-up was done with the assumption that readers are either well-acquainted with Konami's flagship shmup series or have glanced at one of the seven other times I've covered a Gradius game. 

Everything that needs to be said about this game was spelled out in the full title. Shinwa kara Owarai (From Myth to Laughter) is a clear reference to Gradius III's Densetsu kara Shinwa (From Legend to Myth). This is a shmup designed for Gradius lovers, with all the perks and baggage included. Even if it isn't as committed as its predecessor to breaking gamers into tiny pieces, Parodius Da! often chooses to be delightfully sadistic. All the duckers and dee-01s were replaced with goofy penguins, but their ability to ruin lives was left untouched. One would think that the Super Famicom port would provide respite from its comically difficult arcade counterpart, and they'd be half-right. It's true that Konami packed this with plenty of beginner-friendly features. Players are given seven difficulty levels to choose from as well as the option to start with up to nine lives. They can even turn off the roulette, so the next power-up doesn't throw them headfirst into total anarchy. 

The respite ends on the battlefield, because Konami took the SNES hardware to task in a big way. This game is, outside of specific circumstances, light on the slowdown. There's going to be some grinding when a fully powered Vic Viper is firing away at a Moai battleship, and maybe a bit of stutter when trying to evade walls of bullets. For the most part though, the dreams of being saved by slowdown have disappeared. When the walls close in, there's only one recourse, and it involves learning a stage meter-by-meter until a consistent solution is discovered. Gradius syndrome isn't quite the issue that it once was, but don't be surprised by the surplus of checkpoints that can chew through nine lives in less than a minute. 

There's undoubtedly someone reading this who has far more experience with Parodius Da! than I, and hopefully they're nodding in approval when I say that I'm not overselling this game's difficulty. Now, it might not seem like it at first, especially for those who stick exclusively to settings 1-3 and avoid the second loop, but... okay this is where complications start making their way in. This game is uneven. Oftentimes, the unevenness is deliberate, a method of subverting expectations. Chi Chibinta Rika, the Vegas showgirl, acts much like the giant crabs seen at the end of Gradius... except she appears in stage 2. Also, despite an early encounter, the game still treats players as if they're professionals by having several penguins run in and lob bullets. As with most other bad situations in this series, there's a small window to escape. Either you find it, or you repeat the checkpoint. The dance with Rika is a guarantee that everything afterwards is going to push your reactions and initiative to limits unknown. However, there's only so much an uneven game can teach its players.

Let me jump straight to the point: Stage 6. Despite taking place in a pinball machine, there's only one gimmick worth noting and it's that roulette power-ups are very common. There's something almost mean-spirited about giving one of the game's hardest stages an infusion of chaos, but whatever. Stage 6 is essentially a tribute to Nemesis. By Nemesis, I'm referring to the North American version of Gradius, with the rank that spirals into absurdity in less than 10 minutes, turning the earliest stages into improbable bullet-hells. There is nothing here except rows upon rows of the fowlest creatures, and they're covering the screen in a web of projectiles. Technically, this is a speed stage, so everything whizzes past in a little over a minute. A dozen things can go wrong in that amount of time, causing lives to disappear in seconds. I mean, this is a checkpoint shmup! One would think that a life could last a little bit longer than- nope. Several of my deaths can be described as: "unceremonious bullet to the back". Again, there aren't any real gimmicks, which means no setups, no payoffs; just enemies fucking my shit up. It's out-of-pocket, even for a game dedicated to Gradius lovers. 

While I'd argue its absurdity peaks with stage 6, Parodius Da! manages a pretty nasty followup in the form of Stage 8. This ice cavern opens with a chokepoint, then proceeds to line its walls with an unending series of penguins. Somehow, that wasn't enough, because most of the action occurs underwater. The dramatic decrease to speed makes recovering from death a special sort of horrific. Also, due to the rank system, whatever modest success I had earlier is thrown back in my face a dozen-fold. If stages 7, 9, and 10 feel reasonable, then it's probably because 6 & 8's pounding caused the rank to decrease a bit.

I think this a really good game, but it's also not as *fun* as I remember. The weird stage progression and shifty difficulty makes it hard for me to connect with. Granted, the sequels also might've spoiled me with their instant respawn options and large roster of playable characters. Ah well. The bed started working again, so I'm going back to sleep.

My stage 6 "strategy" is hoping for a green bell.