2026 Special - Psycho Dream

There are some games out there that I have to appreciate, simply because of the bizarre energy that emanates from them. Psycho Dream is a classic example. Back in 1992, Riot put out a platformer that looks and sounds like it was ripped straight out from the subconscious. The perplexingly beautiful music is like a caterpillar that crawls into someone's ear, turns into a butterfly, dies, and is reborn again; all in the span of seconds. Visually, it's not quite as surreal, but still unlike most anything on the Super Famicom. I can't say I'm surprised that such an experience has continued to resonate with the community. Psycho Dream has seen multiple rereleases for modern platforms. Even Retro-bit has a cartridge version in the works. Preorders end in a month. Sadly, I lack both a shelf and the willingness to decorate it with Collector Editions of games I don't enjoy playing.

Sometime after the collapse of Japan's Bubble Economy, a virtual format known as D-Movies hit the scene. Why settle for watching a movie when you can live in it. With little hope of attaining financial stability, teenagers sought refuge in the unreality. Many of them would spend the rest of their lives in fantastical worlds where a better tomorrow was guaranteed. I don't have to tell you that foregoing the essentials of food, water, rest, and activity drastically decrease one's lifespan. In an effort to save people from becoming "Sinkers" - individuals whose bodies die while they're trapped in D-Movies - the government created Diamond Dogs. In Psycho Dream, two agents have been sent into the mind of Sayaka, a chronically ill woman trapped in virtual reality's thrall. Take control of either Ryo or Maria, run through six tracks with multiple chapters apiece, then get frustrated with the cheap final boss and quit. 

Since it's the 2026 Special, my interest of course lies with Maria Tobari. As much as I'd like to question her questionable attire, I have to recognize some harsh statistics. Out of the 40 odd games I've covered so far, less than 10% of their protagonists wear pants. Also, she has a whip. The leather boots and leotard might as well be packaged in. One other thing, if I was even slightly bothered by how Maria's dreamworld persona dresses, I wouldn't have even attempted to recreate it in Soul Calibur VI. It sounds like I'm getting sidetracked, which yeah that's kind-of true, but mainly I want to get across that I like pretty much everything about the game. Just don't make me play it.

Maria Tobari in Soul Calibur VI. The guy she's bullying is Roy from Irem's Blade Master.

However, I can only ignore the basic concept of a video game review for so long, so let's talk about this hot mess already. Judging by the familiar-looking health meter and the whip-slinging heroine, you'd almost expect to be playing a Castlevania. Don't hang onto that first impression for very long, because it'll get Maria killed. Yes, I'm going to say it right now: forget about the melee weapon, ignore the purpose of the 2026 Special. The instant that Maria enters Apocalypse City - the D-Movie Sayaka is trapped in - you'll want to start hunting for crystals. These color-coded gems tend to drop from mutants scurrying about the ruined metropolis. If you see a blue crystal. Fantastic. Pick it up immediately. If the crystal is yellow, then wait a moment for it to turn blue. 

I'm being completely serious when I say forget about the melee weapon. Whips and claws aren't much good in this virtual world of lousy hitboxes. Maria is such a large target that getting anywhere near a mutant or they're projectiles will result in cheap pain. Anyway, that blue crystal changes Maria's weapon to an arm-cannon. Grab a second one for spreadshot, and a third to make the bullets home in on nearby fiends. Relentless mashing of the fire button will solve 95% of problems. It's not deep or rewarding, but it is tolerable, and that's the most I can ask for out of Psycho Dream.

Crystals of various other colors can be picked up. Green offers a temporary shield, purple gifts the protag a screen-clearing bomb to use at their discretion, and magenta replenishes some health. Last and definitely not least is the red crystal. It only appears if Maria's claws or arm-cannon are at maximum level. Collecting the crimson shiny will unleash her overdrive form. She'll be a spinning, hovering, and bullet-spewing maniac, an abomination that no mutant could ever overcome. The catch is that if Maria is hurt three times, then the overdrive is gone, and she's stuck with the miserable whip again. Bosses will go from fodder to frustrating the instant this occurs. If you don't like taking risks, then stick to the homing spreadshot. Less firepower, but it's harder to lose, so not a bad trade-off.

Whether you decide to approach this game as a subpar Contra or an awful Castlevania, know that there are even more issues to contend with. Psycho Dream is rife with slowdown, and not the helpful kind that helps with bullet-dodging. It's not like Maria is dodging a whole lot with her dominatrix-sized hurtbox. Instead, what all this slowdown does is chew on your inputs. If you ever get the feeling that something is nibbling on the fire button or swallowing those jump-button presses whole, then that's the slowdown doing its "job". Maybe Telenet could've pretended it was intentional; made a claim in the manual that the hardware Diamond Dogs are using to dive into these Dmovies has a weak CPU. Let's pretend that whatever has Sayaka trapped is sending static signals to futz with the connection... or something. 

I suppose it doesn't really matter because 95% of the game is easily dealt with. Mostly, your purpose is to soak in the weirdness and piece together a story that's told almost entirely through symbolism (and what's printed in the manual). The developers were clearly invested in giving the Super Famicom something that defies the norm. Still, I have to wonder how Psycho Dream would've turned out if it was envisioned in another era, genre, or medium. Imagine if this was Survival Horror, a light-novel series, an 80s OVA, anything besides a Super Famicom platformer that's a few years too early. 

Oh, and of course there's the remaining 5%, which outright stinks. The finale is usually where all of a game's faults congregate to summon a bugbear of an experience. Surprise! That's exactly what happens with the final boss. Dodging bullets is already difficult enough when you can see them coming, but Maria doesn't even get the luxury, because her arm-cannon is useless in this fight. If you can manage to destroy the arms, then the second phase begins, bringing a load of input-eating slowdown with it. A terrible end to a bad game.

There's nothing else for me to say. Psycho Dream is a fascinating piece of media, a feverish little adventure. I still think about it from time to time. But yeah, with any luck, I'll never have to play it again.