2025 Special - Xak - The Art of Visual Stage

When I discussed Lagoon not too long ago, I mentioned its bar. A spectacularly low bar to be sure. Now, it's time to look at one of those rare games that finds new and exciting ways to get below the bar. Also, if I mention the word bar one more time, feel free to toss my decapitated head into the nearest volcano, it's the only sure way the curse will end.

Xak - The Art of Visual Stage is a mouthful of an Action RPG for the Super Nintendo. I suppose gamers are more familiar with Xak's outings on Japanese PCs - as well as the PC Engine CD - but the SNES version by Sunsoft is the one that I hate-played. While I can't declaratively state that Xak is a worse game than Lagoon, it's shocking how quickly passable first impressions turn to absolute muck.

See if you can identify the real Latok in this picture.

If you need a synopsis of the storyline, then you'll have to look elsewhere. I stopped paying attention shortly after discovering that the protagonist had a father named DORK. The protag is named Zatok or Xatok or something equally laughable, but anything's better than DORK. Still, there is a semblance of a "save-the-land" story, even if the bulk of it is seemingly wasted on just trying to get into a temple. What follows is a by-the-numbers fare. Slay monsters, level-up, go to the next screen, repeat. Given enough time, you'll solve some quests and have what should've been a fulfilling adventure.

Presentation-wise, Xak isn't too shabby. The framerate is perfectly normal. Unlike Lagoon, the sword is adequate in both size and "slashability". You feel like you're actually doing something with that hunk of metal and it's quite nice. In a fashion that is both sad and hilarious, those nice feelings evaporate when you realize that the direction you approach an enemy from affects your survival. What an odd thing to say, right? This isn't a bump combat - or joust-like if you prefer - game. What direction you're facing when you slash a goon shouldn't matter, except in this case it does...sort of.

More to the point, if you're attacking an enemy from north or south of them, your chances of dying are drastically higher. If the enemy has a melee attack of its own, your demise is almost guaranteed. I wish I had a sensible explanation for this phenomenon, but alas. All I know is that if I'm walking north or south in a narrow hallway, the last thing I ever want to see is a monster sauntering towards me. That sword I was swinging around with gusto moments ago will come up short and disappoint me greatly. 

Where Xak gets to be absurdly lousy is in the boss-fights. They're all variations of "a sick joke" and just sort of ignore whatever it was the regular monster encounters were building up to. Almost every boss in the game has something that kills in 1 or 2 hits, but you're not likely to fret about it since those same bosses can die in 3 or 4 hits. Eventually, you'll just want to coast through this nightmare and be done with it, and that's when the catastrophe occurs.

If gaming ever dies. This is what killed it.

The obligatory shmup section! Wait, what? Whoever heard of such an insane- okay fine I'll stop myself here. The original game did in fact feature a shmup section towards the end, and it would be ridiculous to suggest that it should be dropped from the Super Nintendo port. Besides, with Sunsoft at the helm, maybe we'll get some gameplay that's even- sorry, but I have to stop myself again. The time you spend flying on a dragon and shooting down the demons that accost you is just plain irredeemable garbage. 

Naturally, you can't have a shmup section without a shmup boss, and that's when you realize just how much hate you're capable of. This fight is with a snake-like dragon, not unlike the kind you'd face off against in a Gradius entry. Problem is the amount of time this boss is onscreen can only be measured in nanoseconds, and you have to hit the damn thing a comically large number of times to end the misery. Try to avoid failing, otherwise you'll have to repeat the entire ordeal. 

Before I go any further, I just want to say that using save-states is awesome. Don't ever listen to anyone who tells you that you're cheating the game and yourself. There are many games that deserve to be cheated, and even if they don't, then who cares? It's your game. Play it your way. 

So, yes, the final boss. Look, I'll make it easy with the following screenshot.

The "bosses hate this one weird trick" joke already wrote itself.

See this spot? The spot where Havok is standing? You too can stand right there, and the final boss will be rendered totally impotent. Nothing it does will harm any of your shiny blue hairs, and you can just mash away with your sweet projectile attack until the credits roll. I stumbled into this winning move less than a minute into the finale, and all I could do was laugh.