2025 Special - The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages

Before going any further, I'd like to question those out there who read reviews for validation. I mean, if that's all you care about and you're a fan of The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages, then let me save you a bunch of trouble by saying: This is a very good game. To all of the non-fans out there expecting validation, well... Sorry! The exit for both crowds is right around the corner. While I'm at it, the people who only read reviewers they agree with? Talk about a weird bunch. So, uh... what happens when the reviewer says something that they disagree with? Honestly, as if games-writers didn't have enough nonsense on their agenda, they have to walk some insane tightrope while jumping through flaming hoops. 

I say all this, because right now I'm questioning why I decided to pick up a keyboard again. 2019 really should've been the end. My writing career was already the last moments of Old Yeller stretched out over the course of a decade. The love I had for both video games and writing had turned into a piss-boiling hatred. Obviously, I'm not going to say that I've felt better since quitting, because 2020 to this very moment has been a shithouse rolling downhill for everyone. But... but I thought at the very least I killed my passion. The one thing I had - besides my brain - that has never done me any favors. "It sucked, but at least it's over." as I've likely said about so many video games that I've played. If I'm being brutally honest, it's unfair. It's unfair that my passion is still alive. It lives on in spite of... EVERYTHING.

I'm getting to the review... I think.

With that garbage out of my system, it's time to conjure up a hypothetical person who has managed to go nearly 25 years without playing the better half of Capcom's Game Boy Color Zelda duology. Let's be real here, it's not that difficult. I was that exact person earlier this month. Of course, now the question becomes, "Which is the better half? Ages or Seasons?" Saying that both games are great and commending them as equals is so boring. There can only be winners or losers. Condemnation has been powering Gamers since the advent of a second Pong game. Besides, I simply have to string the validation crowd along for a while longer.

First off, and this will be clear to anyone who has played both games, Oracle of Ages got a bit more time in the oven. There is a story beyond "Link takes orders from a tree." Unlike Din, Nayru has something resembling agency. Veran, the villainess, specializes in possession, which is much more interesting than kidnapping. The world of Labrynna isn't as confined as Holodrum, likely since it only has to account for a past and a present instead of four seasons. There is a spirit of adventure, something that wasn't always present in the other game. In fairness, Oracle of Seasons had the occasional wrench tossed in its development cycle. Originally it was planned to be a remake of the first Legend of Zelda. The fact that Flagship managed to turn it into something that was several times more ambitious is a little shocking and kind-of scary. Imagine them at the full extent of their powers and- oh yeah. The director went on to do Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom. That probably explains a thing or two.

Ages is also the game that I recommend everyone should start with. Think of it like going from Normal (Ages) to Hard (Seasons). Going in reverse is fine too, just don't be surprised when you're crushing bosses without a sweat. This Oracle entry simply isn't as demanding. Once you've determined the strategy needed to defeat your adversary, then there's little else to worry about. A boss in Seasons might have been more aggressive or had gimmicks that placed a greater strain on your abilities, but as I mentioned in the last review, if you start with Ages, the "that's it?" feelings will bubble to the surface on more than a few occasions.

Now, I have to point out the double-edged sword that extra time in the oven turned out to- dude... All of these sayings mixing together are melting my brain. Let me just square it with you: Oracle of Ages went overboard on the minigames. Since The Legend of Zelda's very beginnings, there has always been some sort of mini adventure between each dungeon. Finding the entrance typically involved reaching the destination and/or solving some a puzzle of sorts. Later games expanded on this aspect in many ways. For example, Death Mountain in Zelda 2 didn't have a palace at its summit, but you still needed the hammer it houses to continue on with the game. These mini adventures are what creates a grand and memorable epic. Unfortunately, Ages' mini adventures are sometimes just a series of minigames. It's... not great.

Again, anyone who has played this game knows exactly where I'm going here. Gorons; you're all on notice. In-between the fifth and sixth dungeons, players have to partake in a lot of extracurricular activities to be recognized by the Goron family or whatever. There's an item-trading chain that requires time travel, bomb dodging, shooting targets from a mine cart, and everyone's least favorite: Rhythm Hell. The Graceful Gorons hold the two keys you'll need for the sixth dungeon, and they won't give them up, unless you can match their rhythm in a surprisingly unforgiving minigame. 

Let me say right here that I must've lucked out. My worthless carcass has flunked everything from Guitar Hero to Elite Beat Agents, but I still managed to get both keys in less than ten attempts. There are a lot of players who didn't fare nearly as well. Getting the timing right is a big ask, potentially huge depending on the skill level of the player, so locking them out of the rest of the game is awfully rude. Why is a rhythm mini-game tougher than every boss, anyway? That's such a weird decision on Flagship's part. I guess I'll also lob a complaint about the 'bartering with the Tokays' quest, mainly because I have to barter just to get back the stuff they stole from me. It's an unnecessary inconvenience, but at least I'm actually engaging with the game and not just timing button-presses.

Dungeon-wise, and this really could've gone either way, but I think I'll give the win to Oracle of Seasons. Ages also has plenty of great dungeons, but I have to dock points for all of the minecarts. I'm not sure why there are so many instances where Link has to ride a cart around. I don't even know how fans of video game minecarts can exist. Nonetheless, they're in several dungeons, mucking up the theme and not adding all that much substance. One of the other puzzles is also noteworthy for its badness. It's a "paint the floor" puzzle where you move from space to space until the entire floor is a specific color, without skipping around or painting yourself into a corner. One in particular has a space you're supposed to cover up using the Wand of Somaria. I can't explain why it's a dumb solution, but it's a dumb solution.

It's a dumb solution, trust me.

Like I mentioned in the previous review, both Ages & Seasons can be "linked" by inputting passwords received upon the completion of either game. Also, special NPCs that only appear in linked games will dole out passwords that lead to awesome items. I think it's a fantastic idea, even if it left me slightly confounded at times. My play-through of Ages was linked, so upon completion of the main story, I had to face off against Twinrova and Ganon in a climactic battle. In preparation for what was certain to be a tough fight, I tried to get the Master Sword, but I must've messed up somewhere. Either I had to play through a linked game of Seasons, or I did something out of order, or... well let's just say I was in too deep to retrace my steps. Ganon is doable with the level 2 sword, though not without a ton of spin attacks. I'm sure kid me would've had a lot more patient to work this feature out... except I was already 20 years old in 2001... 

Wow. Another depressing thought. I haven't had one of those in several seconds.

After some careful analysis, I've come to the conclusion that the validation crowd won't be happy. Oracle of Seasons and Oracle of Ages are equally great. Barring a very unfortunate run-in with Gorons, the world of Labyrnna feels more like a real place, and not so much a series of puzzles & secrets like Holodrum. Both games have excellent dungeons, with Holodrum edging ahead slightly. The boss battles could go either way. Look. Just play both of them. If you've already played both, then love both. They're deserving of that much. 

There is a play-through of Link's Awakening in my future, so perhaps then the decisive winner among the three Game Boy Zelda entries will be crowned. Then again, who knows? Maybe I'm secretly waiting to play the "Actually I don't think Link's Awakening is all that great." card. 

Nah. That's just sick and twisted. 

I really must not care about Link's animal friends to go two entire reviews without mentioning them.

2025 Special - The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons

Sometimes I forget just how quickly time moves. Spring 2001, two brand new Legend of Zelda games dropped onto the Game Boy Color. However, I was still neck-deep in everything Dreamcast, not to mention trying to juggle college and a job. In retrospect, these might have been two of the first games to ever enter the dreaded backlog. Let's hold down the fast-forward button until... oh I can't remember exactly... a decade or so? It was around the days of the Nintendo 3DS, and I had just purchased the very same Zelda games. Surely, I'd have the time to... Oh, who am I kidding? Fast-forward again to the beginning of March 2025. It took this long for me to play a pair of great games in one of the most beloved and successful franchises of all time. Sheesh!

Now that I have two less games following me to my grave, I feel obligated to review at least one of them. Oracle of Seasons is indeed great, but... *ugh* There's that word again. I've never claimed to be unpredictable in my writing style, but all of the buts and almosts are getting obnoxious. Instead of looking for faults, I should be looking at the broader intentions. Flagship accomplished everything they set out to do with this entry, creating one of the densest action-adventures of its time. I mean, there's little doubt that I'll find something to complain about. I've been a gamer since birth and wasted innumerable years writing about games. It's absolutely going to happen. I suppose what I'm trying to say here is that I recognize, respect, and admire everything that this Zelda entry does, even when I don't 100% vibe with it. 

Hmm... Honestly, vibe isn't exactly the greatest word either, but I've used it maybe four times in the past 20 years so cut me a little slack. 

Now then, Oracle of Seasons is a dense game in many ways. It boasts a massive world full of colorful characters and eight dungeons of increasing complexity and danger. It also houses a substantial underworld with its own characters and circumstances. Going further, the entire overworld is subject to the changing of the seasons, all four of them in fact. Link will cross frozen lakes in the winter, climb freshly grown vines in the summer, and deftly cross the leafy pits of autumn. He'll... also do things involving giant flowers in spring, yeah, I uh... didn't bother to cleverly work that into the last sentence. Under "normal" circumstances, the seasons are completely out of your control, The difference between summer and winter is often just a screen transition away. By exploring the Temple of the Seasons in Subrosia, you can acquire and upgrade a magical wand, allowing you to bypass the many seasonal obstacles. While it doesn't often feel like it, you explore four overworlds to reach the aforementioned dungeons. It's a lot.

In the world of Holodrum, there is not a single "wasted" screen. Whether the path you're treading houses a secret or the path to a secret, there is always something of value to look forward to. A scenario not uncommon to the Legend of Zelda formula, but Flagship takes it a step further with the "gasha" seeds. Plant them in the ground and they'll grow into nut-bearing trees. Crack that nut open and you might get a ring, or something of significantly less value. Collecting rings is fun, even if their usefulness tends to be niche. Like, I myself can't see the value of wearing a ring that turns me into a Like-Like, but whatever. The best rings are either exceptionally rare or require hard work to obtain. Other rewards include NPCs who drop clues pertaining to extra special items, but that's only if you're playing a "Linked Game". By the way, that's a pun that took me almost 25 years to get. Seriously though, Linked Games require that you've finished Oracle of Ages (or vice-versa) and transferred the password to a new Oracle of Seasons (...or vice-versa) play-through. Again, it's a lot.

With so much density packed into every space, the game can feel claustrophobic. There were a number of times where I felt like I couldn't stretch my legs. You know, find my way in the world, move without purpose, that sort of thing. I get that the developers had so much they needed to cram in, and I'm seriously impressed that they were able to do so without the adventure collapsing in on itself. There is one unfortunate casualty, however. The story is nonexistent. You're introduced to Din, who is almost immediately kidnapped and crystalized. Otherwise, a tree gives you directions, and... yeah. It's not a huge problem, since I wasn't lacking for motivation to see this quest to its end. 

That motivation just happens to be the dungeons themselves. These are, without a doubt, some of the best I've ever experienced in a Legend of Zelda game, and certainly top dog as far as concerns the 2025 Special. They're all immensely satisfying to conquer, with puzzles that test the abilities of both Link and the player in engaging ways. Admittedly, I stumbled a bit at first. One thing that Oracle of Seasons doesn't effectively communicate is that vases can be pushed. I was so accustomed to picking them up that the thought never crossed my mind. I think Oracle of Ages told me outright. Evidence that I probably should've played through that game first. 

Minor hiccups aside, the dungeons only got better as I progressed. Inventory management, a "feature" of the Game Boy entries that once bugged me, almost ceased to become an issue. Swapping between a dozen-odd items became second nature, allowing me to appreciate just how meticulously designed some of the later levels can get. That said, there are times where the item-swapping can feel... excessive. This becomes most apparent in the boss battles.

It must be that density rearing its head again, because I felt like Oracle of Seasons was asking a lot out of me. Many of the bosses present a unique spin on known classics. You'll bomb a Dodongo and throw it into spikes, mash a Digdogger with a giant spiked orb, decapitate a Gleeok... repeatedly. This is around the time that I realized the boss battles are actually pretty tough! It's not enough to know how to defeat a boss, I also had to contend with the fact that they seriously wanted me dead. They won't sit around and wait patiently while I figure out their weaknesses. Sometimes, this makes conquering the dungeon all the more rewarding. Other times, this makes for unnecessary stress.

Digdogger... ugh I hate this guy.

Let's go back to that Gleeok for a bit. The fight has two phases, and Gleeok will only enter the second if both of his heads are destroyed... at about the same time. With the level 2 "Noble Sword", I believe it takes 10 hits per head. Trying to keep a count in my head while the boss is puking up waves of fireballs turned out to be a bit of trouble. Digdogger was also a massive pain. I was still coming to grips with the magnetic glove, so this boss fight made me feel like I was playing tug-of-war with myself. Worst part was I idiotically attempted to use the sword to deal with all of the smaller eyeballs that ran everywhere. They can't be pushed back, resulting in Link getting bashed repeatedly.

It was around this time that I questioned why the game couldn't have just given me some Pegasus Boots instead of Pegasus Seeds. Simply having one less item to juggle would've lifted a lot of weight off of my shoulders. Instead, I felt like I had developed some seed addiction that I couldn't properly control. I'd lose focus pressing buttons that brought me no closer to defeating the boss yet prolonged my inevitable demise. I'm getting selfish here, but maybe the Wand of Seasons should've been a Sword of Seasons. That would've resulted in a significant decrease in trips to the inventory screen, particularly during the fight with General Onox. Sadly, that fight is one of three times we see Din and she's the villain's floating / health-sapping crystalline shield. She really deserved better.

Apologies for dwelling on the bosses for so long. I think that they're actually superb in both concept and execution. The only conclusion I'd draw is that they might've been a little too ambitious for a two-button game. Maybe I'd think differently if these bosses didn't chew through my hearts like a handful of Nerds or gave me an extra second or two of time to react. Again, this could also just be a case of "should've played Oracle of Ages first". There were more than a couple times I thought "Wait. That's it?" upon defeating a boss in that game. 

However you decide to approach the Oracle duology, Seasons is one primo piece of work. The dungeons are among some of my favorites in the series. They more than make up for the sometimes-messy overworld and sometimes-frustrating bosses. I'll chalk both of those issues up to the limited time and hardware that Flagship had to work with. A remake could smooth these rough edges out, but I'm the last person who should be holding their breath for that. Do I need to remind everyone how many years it took me to play through the original?

2025 Special - Ys Book I & II

I've mentioned Ys at least a few times over the past couple of weeks, and for good reason. The first two entries in this long-running franchise influenced an entire generation of Action-RPGs. Surprisingly, the first time I ever actually played through both Ys 1 & 2 was the updated Chronicles+ edition. It was, aside from Dark Fact, a very good time. Let's fast forward another decade or so to right now. I've finally, yes finally, sat through Ys Book I & II, the Turbografx CD edition that so many gamers adore. My thoughts on this epic journey are... well, sadly my thoughts are dominated by two individuals. Their combined efforts certainly weren't enough to bury either game, but damn... I mean damn! This should've been the easiest review in the world. Heap a bunch of praise and ride off into the sunset. Instead, the abyss is staring me dead in the eyes yet again. 

Ys 1 feels significant but also comforting. Perhaps it's because with every playthrough, it latches ever closer to the innermost region of my soul. I have a sense of its significant impact on the world of video games, yet the adventure feels as homely as those days I spent in the valleys of West Virginia. There's a lot of nostalgia here for a game that I've only played through maybe four or five times. Perhaps it's how easily the layouts of each region embed themselves in my memory. The soundtrack, a series of earworms, plays a major part in aiding my recollection of Adol's every move, even if said move is running through the same goons repeatedly to grind out the early level-ups. 

I think it's fair to say that the combat is a perfect fit. Without pressing a single button, you've got all of the reflexes and strategy that you'll ever need. Correcting movements at the last possible second, scouting opportunities, and pummeling the opposition until there's nothing left. It's exactly what you want out of a "bump-combat" (or Joust-like) Action-RPG. The dance of death between Adol and the many goons that accost him still feels as fresh as ever. When you're doing good, you're like a red-headed buzzsaw on a serious tear. All it takes are a few mistakes to ruin your day, which is positively splendid. The dungeons aren't exactly packed with obstacles, but something as simple as a different layout has a noticeable effect on how you deal with the goons.

Nothing worse than goons in the village.

Also, I'm trying in vain to take the word goons back from the gooning community. After all, that's what the townspeople in Ys Book I & II call them. No idea how that happened, but it could always be worse. In Brain Lord, all of the monsters are referred to as goblins, even when they're clearly giant bugs or something else entirely. Faxanadu was absolutely absurd. The villainous creatures in that game were called dwarves. Dwarves! I mean, sure they were originally dwarves until the Evil One transformed them all into monsters, but... alright I'm getting sidetracked. 

If I'm getting sidetracked, then it's probably because I have to talk about something that I don't like. You know, it's like the old saying "the bat in the ointment". The boss fights in Ys 1 are either tolerable or abominable. Part of it has to do with how leveling works. If Adol is struggling against a boss, he probably just needs one additional level of experience to even the odds. Two or more level-ups are liable to be overkill, because then he'll shred the poor bastard in seconds. Due to my nature, which is to grind and grind heavily, I crushed everything with hardly a sweat. Dark Fact? Nailed him on the first attempt. Obviously, this isn't the ideal experience, but it is my experience. Given the choice, I'll settle for "that wasn't great, but it's already over" over the alternative any day of the week.

Speaking of the alternative, it's time to discuss Vagullion. This is the first time I've ever looked up the name of a Ys boss. For the longest time I called him a giant middle finger that turns into 16 smaller middle fingers. Swear on my everything, fighting this sack of bat-shit is the worst part of Ys 1 by far. I mean, Dark Fact in Chronicles+ is totally hellacious, but still somewhat fair. The Turbografx CD version of Vagullion, on the other hand, is worse than anything I fought in Lagoon. Yes, Lagoon! 

I hate everything.

To start with, you can't hurt Vagullion when he's a bunch of little bats. You have to wait until he has reformed. Oh, but get this. You can't really move while waiting, because this boss can and will opt not to reform just to pile on the misery. The hurt-boxes on the bats are comically large, so good luck trying to weave in-between the winged jerks. If all that wasn't enough, the chance to actually hit Vagullion's fully formed self is very small, and Adol will take immense damage if you don't know exactly where to strike. Nothing about this fight is any good. It doesn't feel nice when it's finally over either. I'm lucky to feel anything at all after giving my soul to Ys 1, only for it to be feasted upon by a boss that sucks in every sense of the word. 

On the bright side, barring some minor annoyances in Darm Tower, the rest of the game is quite solid. I don't have a problem with the halls of mirrors either. Maybe all these years of teleporter mazes has numbed me to the point where I can excuse what might be the progenitor to all of them. Nowadays, it just feels quaint instead of frustrating. "Oops! I entered the wrong mirror and now I have to start over." doesn't have the impact that it might've had years ago. Apologies if I'm sounding too generous here. No doubt there's somebody out there who still hates that part of the tower (or the tower in general, which... fair). Also, it goes without saying but Ryo Yonemitsu's arranged soundtrack for Ys Book I & II is excellent.

One of the rare instances where I didn't loathe a sewer dungeon.

Ys 2 is a substantially better game, let me just get that out of my system right here and now. This is exactly what I wanted from a sequel. Many unique locales to visit. More complex dungeons. A variety of tools and spells for problem-solving. All of these elements and more enrich the journey, creating an epic deserving of innumerable accolades. Half of this Action-RPG's final dungeon takes place in the sewers, and I don't have any complaints whatsoever. Imagine not having any complaints about a freaking sewer. Falcom & Alfa System got almost everything right. 

Yep... There's that word: "almost". Well, let's try and focus on the good until then, shall we?

One of the notable additions to this entry is the handful of rods Adol will come across in his travels. Each rod casts a specific spell. They're all useful, though the two you'll spend the most time with are the rod that shoots fireballs, and the rod that transforms Adol into a goon. A fire rod is great in any circumstance but absolutely shines during boss fights. Yep, this time around you'll be dodging and weaving, all the while looking for the chance to shoot your shot. It's almost shmup-like really. Due to this change, I'm less inclined to over-level. For once, I want a fair fight. A wild statement to make, but I stand by it. Transforming into a goon is fun too. Adol can freely speak with other goons to learn clues or have a laugh.

I mentioned puzzle-solving a second ago, as there are quite a few problems that can't be slashed or fried. Ys 2 will feel like an adventure game at times, particularly in the late game where you're hunting down key-items to take to various locations. The sprinkles of variety here and there add flavor without detracting from the core gameplay. A couple solutions are a tad more obtuse than I would've liked, but the possibility exists that my brain just isn't what it used to be, or wasn't what I thought it was. I forget which.

Despite all of the additions, I fear there is less for me to say about this entry than its predecessor. In fairness, Ys Book I & II is approached as a singular package, particularly the Turbografx CD version. While Adol loses all of the items that he obtained in Esteria, he still retains his level of experience. Also, unlike Chronicles+, the combat doesn't see a substantial revamp between the first and second games. Besides the inclusion of the rods, everything you learned in the beginning will carry you through to the very end. 

Of course, it has to be the very end of Ys 2 that brings me down. Before going any further, I want to recognize the few gamers who have managed to defeat the final boss of this game without taking damage. That is an incredible achievement, a miracle of unparalleled skill. However, and I am speaking entirely for myself here, Darm is bullshit fight. I hate everything about it. I know I gave Dark Fact a pass because of his final boss status, so why not Darm? It's because Darm isn't any fun. 

Words were said about teleporting enemies & bosses in previous reviews, yet they pale in comparison to this RNG-ridden monstrosity. I scurry all over the arena, chasing the most obnoxious pearl, all the while pelted by unreasonably sized projectiles. Now there is a pattern to the globs getting tossed everywhere, and I have managed to go quite some time without taking a hit, but that comes at the cost of reliably damaging the boss. There is rhyme and reason to avoiding his attacks, but responding in kind is subject to a potentially endless number of retries. I've had good runs fall apart. Why? Darm simply decided he didn't want to get close anymore, almost as if he didn't want to die. Selfish prick. Then there are the runs where everything is underwater from the outset. The arena, which resembles a misshapen donut, provides ample places for Darm to stay just out of Adol's reach, long enough to win the war of attrition. This is some of the most maddening gaming that I've ever put myself through. 

Now there is one thing that I didn't do which might've saved me a few dozen attempts, I didn't hit the level-cap. As much as I enjoyed Ys 2, there was no way I was going to grind out hundreds of goons for a pitiful 10 or 12 experience a head. My "grind heavily" nature be damned! ...I might've made the wrong call here. There was nothing stopping me from throwing on some music and vibing for however long it'd take... No... No! That's crazy! Why should I have to farm for hours just because the final boss won't sit still for an extra half a second? Why must I suffer when it's really just a little bad luck? Why can't I stop being pigheaded and admit defeat? 

These whys pile to the ceiling and come crashing down like a most intense and uncertain wave. What remains of me, I can scarcely remember. Ys Book I & II is a classic, a required play for Turbografx CD fans even, but it's also evil. Evil with a kickass arranged soundtrack by Ryo Yonemitsu. 

2025 Special - Samurai Deeper Kyo

The search for top-down action-adventure games starring guys with swords has led me in a lot of unexpected directions. Sometimes I discover a hidden gem, revisit a beloved classic, or I get Samurai Deeper Kyo. Based on the anime of the same name, this hack & slasher is known for being the last game ever published for the Game Boy Advance... in the West. In Japan it was released way back in 2002, but whatever, it's not that important. Anyway, this turned out to be a huge mistake. I can't remember the last time I was this bored. A game where you kill 2400+ monsters with a katana should be at least somewhat entertaining and yet something clearly went wrong.

Well, for starters, the playable characters only have one combo. There is a jump button. Pressing it during a combo attack does a finishing move that does slightly more damage. Well, calling it a finishing move sounds kind-of loaded, it's just the same animation except the player-character turns blue for a second. Big whoop. Oddly enough, the game doesn't have platforming or flying enemies. With as much as I've complained about jumping across platforms in past reviews, you'd think that I'd think that no platforming was a good thing. Nah. It doesn't work like that I'm afraid. Turns out, fighting the same enemies with the same moves over and over is mind-meltingly boring. After the third empty hallway packed to the brim with palette swaps, I was open to a vehicle section, some stealth gameplay, and maybe even a bottom-less pit or two. 

The closest that this dour mash-a-thon gets to mercy is the boss battles. They're not good, but at least they're different. Also, they require a strategy beyond "run up and slash them repeatedly", and that's something. These little reminders that my brain is still (barely) functioning are appreciated. Also, as far as concerns the story, all anyone ever seems to talk about is how much they want to kill each other. It was mildly amusing when I mentally replaced every instance of kill with... something else. Like, did you hear about that time Demon Eyes Kyo banged 1,000 men?

Demon Eyes Kyo. Always bragging about his conquests.

Samurai Deeper Kyo boasts other features such as multiple playable characters, hidden weapons, and multiple paths. All I can say in response is No. I doubt my play-through as Demon Eyes Kyo took more than an hour, but the adventure wore out its welcome after five minutes. Everything afterwards was just the epitome of mundanity. Not even the most maniacal manic is going to want to do five play-throughs to experience the full story. 

Again, huge mistake.

2025 Special - Rolan's Curse

If you've read this blog for more than 30 seconds, then you're praying for words like "pace" and "pacing" to get forcibly removed from my lexicon. It's fine, I understand completely. I hate using those words all of the time as well. It's just... pacing is so damn important. The second I stop thinking about it, I end up with Rolan's Curse. Here's an "Action" RPG that's slow. Not the methodical kind of slow where every step is purposeful and planned out either. Here, everything moves at one increment above stop, and frame-skip is the sole reason why I survived. 

Now, I don't want to be entirely unfair here. The early years of the Nintendo Game Boy had some growing pains. A legible screen was a luxury. Even if I managed to find the optimal lighting environment necessary to play the damn thing, that didn't mean much when in-game graphics turned to sludge as soon as anything moved. It took a long time to reach a point where handheld gaming was something we took for granted, and not just a brick that ate batteries like thin mints or looked like slow-motion vomit. Still, I know NMK could've done better. They're a capable developer with a multitude of classic shmups. Before long, they'd prove me right with the far superior Rolan's Curse 2, but that's a tale for another day.

As for this game. Well, it takes place over the course of four levels, all of which composed of forests and dungeons in a fashion most labyrinthian. Unlike similar titles, enemies don't typically run up and try to thwomp you. They have preset movement patterns, and carefully maneuvering around them tends to be a more viable tactic than stabbing away. The hero starts off in a pathetic state. He'll have to hunt down stat-boosting items to have a chance at defeating the boss at the level's end. These items are tucked away in the various corners of the maze, sometimes behind destructible objects. Basically, as soon as you find a mattock, hold onto it as often as possible. It's practically a skeleton key that allows access to every bit of treasure.

There is a surprising amount of charm in the game's structure. It almost reminds me of a classic arcade game, but with some RPG elements sprinkled in. Perhaps the closest comparison would be Tower of Druaga, minus the dozens of obtuse puzzles and any semblance of reasonable pacing. Yep, there's that word again. Really, it's impossible to escape the sloth-swimming-in-molasses rate at which this adventure moves. The hero and the foes that surrounds him walk leisurely without a care in the world. Inevitably, they will clash, attack buttons are pressed, and either party dies. There is little excitement to be found here.

You're probably thinking that perhaps there is more to the game. A deeper strategy that requires the slow yet thoughtful approach. Nah. It's just plain s l o w. Lowercase, spread out, and bold, all to emphasize the unmoving world you're subjecting yourself to. The combat isn't good either. Our hero can stab with his sword, but he'd better be attacking from the sides, because whatever is charging at him will get a hit in before they go down. The fire rod is probably the better choice in some instances, but your main concern is to always get stronger. Every weapon you pick up adds a +1 to your attack power. However, for reasons unknown, you can't carry both the sword and the rod at the same time. It doesn't really matter in the long run, so whatever.

Forgive me, but I'm just going to speedrun the next few complaints. The boss fights aren't good. Level layouts often repeat. The soundtrack is a gargled mess. Oh wait, that's my bad. I spent so much of the game in fast-forward that I can't recall how the music is supposed to sound. Apologies!

If there's anything about Rolan's Curse that sounds intriguing, do you yourself a favor and skip straight to the sequel. NMK rectifies practically every issue with the original and delivers an adventure that won't make you more miserable than you already are. 

2025 Special - Shining Soul 2

I feel it's a necessity to mention that my review of Shining Soul 2 is truncated and not intended to be a thorough explanation of all its subsystems and whatnot. In adherence to the (admittedly messy) rules of 2025 Special, I played through the game as the warrior, aka the guy who uses a sword. If you'd like to experience the game for yourself - and I recommend that you should - know that there are 7 or 8 other classes to choose from, all with their own abilities and builds. Even if this Action RPG isn't as deep as more modern games like Path of Exile, it's still a massive undertaking with a surface I'll barely scratch. In my view, limited as it is, Grasshopper Manufacture put out a Game Boy Advance classic, without losing any of the flair that has made their output so interesting to follow.

The bulk of the game has you the player dealing with a series of unfortunate events. We're talking kidnapped princesses, missing heroes, world-ending calamities, all of the greatest hits. How you deal with these problems is typical of the genre; hit them with your sword until they fade from existence. Each of the 10 dungeons consists of a series of bespoke floors packed with enemies that spawn in. There might be a couple obstacles or some minor tasks that don't involve monster smashing. Considering the basis of the genre, which has you killing over and over for precious stat-gains and better drops, monotony is expected. Thankfully, even when the repetition is noticeable, it's never unenjoyable. 

Monsters. Always monsters.

Now, for those of you out there who decide to play a melee-based class, there is one thing you need to know. You're going to get attacked, a lot. Whether those attacks actually do anything depends on defense and dexterity. Of the two, it's better to focus on dexterity, since that also affects the ability to hit things. Every level-up doles out a few points to distribute, though you can also get a ton of mileage out of some decent gear. Rare weapons and armor tend to have stat-boosts attached to them. The effects of sufficient grinding are noticeable. Anyone can appreciate the idea of having several monsters wailing on them yet barely doing any damage whatsoever. Hmm... I don't know if that last sentence sounds right. Whatever, I ain't fixing it.

When you get into resistances, the numbers tend to be negligible yet also agonizing. There are six elements. They include stuff like getting roasted by a monster's fiery breath or the chilling effects of a wizard's freeze spell. Now, where it gets "interesting" is that repeated exposure to elements will boost your resistances. These boosts are permanent but also S L O W. I mean, anyone can sit in molten lava to boost their fire resistance, but they'll need plenty of herbs and maybe a book. Even after an extended hot bath, a simple fireball can still take a big chunk of life. The efforts really don't seem all that worthwhile. If your goal is reaching the end of the game in a reasonable amount of time, then know that enemy spawns are pre-determined, and the most dangerous attacks have at least a little wind-up. Given enough practice, there's a lot you can avoid without the aid of stats. That said, you're unlikely to leave town without a full inventory of healing items. Nature of the beast and all.

Your character of choice can also have a build, which is determined by how skill-points are invested. This is perhaps more important than stats and resistances combined, because it's a reflection of your playstyle. Multiple classes rely on charge attacks over repeated button-presses for their monster slaying. Spells can be a factor as well. There's a lot to experiment with, but unless you're really committed to tackling Hard mode, I don't think you'll end up with a useless build. Stumbling through the world hitting things with a sword seemed to work just fine for me.

While there are a lot of complexities to account for, the moment-to-moment gameplay is endearingly simple. Moving from floor-to-floor crushing everything that isn't you is instantly accessible and fun. The pace is steady. Your protag moves at a decent speed and enemies don't take too long to defeat. If the quality of an Action-RPG is determined by how often the player is moving, then Shining Soul 2 does a very fine job. Since gear is often unidentified when found, most of the equipment management will be done in the hub area. Carrying identification scrolls with you into dungeons is actually counterintuitive. It's better to just keep a couple of wings handy to fly back to town whenever. This Action RPG is very good about adhering to the unwritten rules of handheld gaming. No matter where you are, it's easy to pick up right where you left off.

Seems like I'm always dealing with giant tentacled things.

Doubtlessly, each dungeon has an array of mid and end bosses to content. You'll face off with these fiends in suitably climatic encounters. Besides making for visually exciting set-pieces, these fights also have mechanics that aren't often seen in fights with average minions. What's here tends to be really good. Also, you don't have to redo the entire dungeon if you're defeated. The player can't predict everything that happens, so why punish them for that? It's just smart design to allow them to immediately retry the battle. Besides, there will be times where you'll be blindsided by a series of attacks and die in seconds. This is the developer compromising so that you don't feel cheated.  

While specific examples are hard to point out with words or screenshots, this game has a different vibe to it, likely the result of Grasshopper Manufacture's influence. Perhaps it starts with the eclectic soundtrack, which has some funky rhythms interspersed throughout. The story is a bit more nuanced than standard sword & sorcery fare, with some clever writing sprinkled around. Nothing particularly weighty, but still considerate. It's enough to keep you interested in the things that happen outside of slaughtering of looting. The bevy of sidequests, many of which tied to bonus dungeons, are all quite nice. 

Ultimately, I can't make any grand conclusive statements about Shining Soul 2. Besides my singular play-through as a sword-only Warrior, which probably took about 10 hours, my experience with the game feels insufficient. It was a good time though, and maybe that's all that ever matters. Feel free to give it a go.

2025 Special - Alcahest

Alcahest is a very individual game. 

Hang on a second. Are you telling me that isn't sufficient enough to be considered a review? I'm not kidding. That one line says more about HAL Laboratory's 1993 Action-RPG than anything I could've tossed together. Whatever the rule book was for the genre, HAL tossed it into the abyss, laughed, then proceeded to create something genuine. Something that would be remembered for decades to come. Even if the final result doesn't 100% appeal to me, I recognize its uniqueness and solid gameplay.

The humble beginnings of a grand adventure.

I suppose "Action-RPG" isn't the greatest descriptor of Alcahest. I myself used to think it was an Arcade game with RPG elements. Nowadays, with my brain more poisoned than ever, I'm going to call the game an Action---RPG. Yes, it's dumb. Fair warning: any time you see italics; it means that I'm saying something completely idiotic. Anyway, the extra hyphens not only add separation between the Action and the RPG, but they also represent the additional genres that the dev-team managed to squeeze in. Alcahest is an Action Arcade Dungeon Crawler Puzzler... RPG. 

You want to know something? I used to be a professional reviewer. Let this be a lesson to avoid burnout at all costs. Best-case scenario? You'll never want to do anything ever again. Worst-case? Well, you're looking at it right now.

Anyway, let's try and unpack the nightmare I've left on the floor. The Action is self-explanatory. Alen, the hero, must traverse eight levels packed with fiends. With sword in hand and friends at his side, he hacks through evil with as much ease as the push of a button. The controls and aesthetics are clearly designed to appeal to anyone who has played through Zelda or the myriad similar titles. Even if you aren't already well-versed in the genre, you'll still pick up the basics in no time at all. There aren't many other ways to say it, this game is just plain smooth.

Slaying a dragon.

Before long, you'll realize just how important it is to have a game that plays so well. Alcahest is surprisingly demanding, with potentially harsh consequences for failure. You've probably noticed what looks like a life counter at the top of the screen. Those are your continues. The "NEXT" in the upper-right tells you how many points are needed to get another continue. Dying sets you back slightly, normally to the beginning of a room or just before a boss fight. Continuing resets your score but doesn't reset the NEXT counter. Basically, depending on when you lose your first continue, getting another one could take a comically long time. Passwords keep your game from being truly lost, but this design-decision is still odd as heck.

By the way, that feeling of confusion is totally normal. I swear the developers intended to keep players on edge for the entire adventure, the looming threat of lost progress haunting their every step. That's not what makes the game part dungeon-crawler though. As you're running around, you're bound to notice tiles on the floor. Some send you flying to other parts of the map, but they get more insidious as you progress. Before long, you'll be subject to one-way conveyors, tiles that re-arrange your controls, and all of the other devious tricks that have hounded your forays into DRPGs. There are times where it can get a little grueling, but HAL pulled it off and I can't respect that enough. This is exactly what being a very individual game is all about.

Insanity straight out of The Bard's Tale trilogy.

Navigating the maze-like levels is a puzzle in itself, but Alcahest goes a step further with its Spirit & Friend system. Now, being able to dodge a boss's attacks and respond appropriately is nice, but it's not enough. As the adventure progresses, you'll acquire spirits who channel their power into your sword, which you'll unleash with a charge attack. The spirits can also be summoned outright to perform spells. Over time, you'll build up a surprisingly large array of options. Effectively managing them is the best way to deal with the bosses. Sometimes, the answer to a tough fight is simply using the element the archfiend is weak to. However, you might have to utilize some more elaborate combinations, with both charge attacks and summons firing at once. Finding the solution and quick-killing a boss is always satisfying. The Friends assist in their own way, with some being more useful than others. In any case, you'll appreciate their support.

All of these seemingly disparate elements form a game that is cohesive and focused. Perhaps it's the RPG elements that bring it all together. The journey rewards those who choose to explore with helpful restoratives and even a couple pieces of equipment. The upgrades aren't substantial, but the hunt for them adds richness to Alcahest. Also, I like that the journey knows when and how to end, with a bevy of refights that test the breadth of your abilities. The music, provided by HAL mainstay Jun Ishikawa, is also really good. Maybe it sounds akin to "Kirby visits a medieval realm" but whatever, I enjoyed it quite a bit. Again, everything about this game exudes distinctness. 

Defeating a boss.

There is one aspect that might test your patience though. I mean, it certainly tested mine. I'm talking about the respawning enemies. If you've played Ninja Gaiden on the NES, then you can already see the picture forming in your mind. Now apply that to maze-like levels that scroll in all eight directions. It... it gets ugly sometimes. Essentially, whatever direction you take, you'll have to commit to it. Indecision and backtracking will have you facing significantly more opposition. In fairness, it gets less stressful once you've memorized the enemies that drop healing items. The feeling of annoyance never really goes away though. 

If there's anything about Alcahest that sounds off-putting, then don't be afraid to utilize save-states. As always, play the game in a way that makes you comfortable. This Action---RPG does have some weirdness to it. Still, its weirdness is kind-of wonderful. Whether or not you adhere to the developer's vision, you're likely to have a really good time.

2025 Special - King Colossus

One of the reasons why I came up with 2025 Special was to tackle lesser-known games that had been living on the outskirts of my radar for many years. I figured that if I didn't play them now, I'd never get another chance. This is not intended to sound morbid.  It's just a herculean task keeping up with 30,000 new releases a year, while also trying to make time for the classics of the past. Of course, I say all this knowing full well that I'm ignoring my exponentially growing modern games backlog to dig for fossils like King Colossus. Hm... Maybe it's an unfair thing to say. Sega's 1992 Mega Drive Action RPG is a way more interesting discovery than some dusty bone. 

A "room" full of monsters. Classic stuff.

According to Sega Retro, King Colossus was planned for western release under the name D-Axe. Weird choice, though I guess it was intended to evoke Golden Axe. Whatever the case, the deal fell through with nary an explanation. My assumption is that Sega of America wanted a competitor for The Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past's inevitable NA launch. They changed their mind just as soon as both games were placed side-by-side. No disrespect intended, but the subject of today's review would've caught an infinite number of unflattering comparisons to Nintendo's 1992 juggernaut if they were both on shelves during the 16-bit console wars.

Of course, King Colossus still released in Japan without a hitch, and it's clear that in spite of its spartan presentation, the dev-team put a lot of love into it. To start with, I want to mention Ken-Ichiro Isoda. These days, he's known for his absolutely lovely soundscape albums, but he was in the video game industry for a short time. His works are few but notable, with this soundtrack being one of his best. No really, the music for this game is excellent, astonishing even. Everything that happens onscreen is significantly elevated by Isoda-san's work. Speaking of, I should also credit Shigeharu Isoda, Ken-Ichiro's brother and a brilliant sound engineer. Their efforts show what the Mega Drive's sound hardware is capable of. That said, I have to point out that there's an orchestral production of the King Colossus OST. You have to give it a listen.

This collapsing bridge is pretty cool.

Now, as for the game itself, the first word that comes to mind is spartan*. Soundtrack aside, the presentation here leaves a bit to be desired. I admit, the only reason I got past the opening minutes was because of the 2025 Special. This is an Action-RPG with a top-down view starring a guy with a sword and I'll be damned if I don't give it a serious play-through. I'm really glad I did, because what's here is actually quite impressive. The gameplay starts off in a manner typical of the era. You're a young man with a sword, slaughtering anything that gets close at a normal pace. There's no zipping around poking this or that, but it's not methodical either. There's a very workman's quality to everything. It reminds me of Sword of Vermilion in a way. Call me old-fashioned, but I just love it when older games have understated yet solid fundamentals.

The bulk of the game takes place in dungeons & caves. There aren't any real towns to visit and you're not going to hear a lot of "flavor" dialogue. In fact, almost the entire game is linear, with the protagonist shuffled off to the next destination after completing whatever it is they're ordered to do. It actually works quite well, since all of the attention is on making the exploration just compelling enough to retain the player's attention for 6 to 8 hours. Part of this compulsion can be tied to acquiring new equipment, a perk of being thorough. Now I mentioned the sword, but there in fact many other weapons to acquire, all with their own characteristics.

You'll be spending some time at the coliseum. Beat them to DEATH!

Let's go ahead and set aside a paragraph here, because King Colossus has a lot of interesting toys to play around with. One of the early-game weapons is a ball & chain. Pressing the attack button swings it around the protag in a wide circle. What makes the weapon intriguing is when the attack button is released, the ball flies off and rolls around, crushing anything it makes contact with. This is such a neat little weapon to play with once you get used to its eccentricity. A myriad of other weapons exist in this world, such as crossbows, spears, and even fire rods. There are a lot of opportunities for "player expression through violence" here, which is just lovely. It gives your play-through identity and flavor, so you're not liable to go through the same motions as everyone else.

However, there is one flavor that not everyone can appreciate, and that flavor is platforming. As early as the first dungeon, you'll be introduced to the joys and pains (mostly pains) of jumping over gaps. In fact, if you fail, you're most likely going to end up in the rushing water and pushed back to the beginning of the dungeon. I feel like this is a serious issue that the bulk of my review should revolve around, but it isn't. It's all because this game has a save-anywhere function. Don't like the consequences of your actions? Just reload. There's no harm in it. All that said, the platforming is more than adequate, and you'll make at least 95% of your jumps without issue.

Like a lean cut, King Colossus has a lot of beef and very little fat. You'll run into a few of the same enemies eventually, and the music (sadly) repeats at points, but each locale you visit has purpose, as well as its own array of obstacles to contend with. The restoratives are generous enough to keep you moving forward, and the allure of a new weapon or armor upgrade is hard to resist. The visuals aren't amazing, but everything that matters is well-crafted and engaging enough. I can't even recall some section or boss that threatened to upend my enjoyment. For the most part, the difficulty ranged from fair to slightly easy. If there are any exceptions, it's probably because I actually had to change my tactics.

Honestly, I'm a little disappointed in myself. Although I played through the entire game and have since thought about it for at least a couple hours, I can't recall anything significant that's worth complaining about. Isn't that just the most shocking thing? 

*Yeah, I totally said spartan presentation in back-to-back paragraphs. Oops.

2025 Special - Neutopia 2

The previous introduction to my Neutopia 2 review, which you'll never see because it sucked so badly, was so "old man yelling at clouds"-coded that after writing it I rushed to the mirror just to make sure I hadn't just aged 40 years in seconds. Imagine my relief when all I saw in my reflection was a pizza starring back at me. Why yes, I have been delivering pizza for my entire life. The second you give me an opening I will spend the rest of eternity complaining about it.

Alas, I'm not here to complain about my job. I'm here to complain about Neutopia 2, a video game that should've been a slam dunk. The perfect example of a sequel that vastly outclasses its predecessor. Instead, it's a better but. Do you remember all of those times you've been asked what you thought about a sequel and responded with "it's better but..."? Next time, just say it's a better but and move on. Don't even bother explaining, they'll understand what you mean. 

...You can probably guess just how badly I want to walk away from this review.

Jazeta sucks.

On paper and in practice, Neutopia 2 is the superior sequel, that is not a debate I'll ever humor. The first game has aged like milk. Even if I could look past the abysmal swordplay, I'd still have to put up with a hundred or so NPCs talking about how much they love Jazeta. "Jazeta is so great. God's gift to mankind. He is so brilliant and powerful and"- God, I wish Jazeta would just die. Well, the sequel begins, and I got my wish! He loses a fight to a comedy squid, so now his son has to take up arms and save the world. I also appreciate that despite his father's apparent death, actually very few NPCs spend entire paragraphs praising his corpse. Oh, and they also (mostly) stopped living in holes in the ground like Bugs Bunny. I didn't know where else to put this, but I assure you it's a plus.

Far more important is the fact that using the sword feels a hundred times better. Jazeta's son, aka Larx, can attack in eight directions. He doesn't have to stop moving to stab beasties either. The additional maneuverability makes a world of difference in combat. Fighting actually becomes second-nature instead of an inconvenience, and that's what you want a video game. The new boomerang sub-weapon is nice, with the only catch being that you can actually lose it if you aren't careful, and they are a bit pricy to replace.

fire rod

The fire rod also returns, only this time there are wind and thunder rods as well. Each of these elemental-themed weapons grows in power and coverage has your max health increases, and that's appreciated. However, Hudson Soft somehow nerfed the hell out of these things. I say "somehow" because I don't know if it was intentional or not. Basically, when you use the sword on an enemy, it pushes them away from you. It's extremely reliable in that regard. The rods though? They'll push enemies in seemingly random directions. If the next fireball you fling causes a monster to land square in your lap, well then that's the price you have to pay. Granted, there are still many other uses for the rods, such as attacking enemies from far away or behind walls. You'll get a lot of mileage out of them still. It's just oddly hilarious that the developer nerfed the rods into the ground, just so gamers won't ignore all of the - much appreciated - work they did on improving the sword.

There is one other particularly notable weapon, though I'm not sure how much praise I'm allowed to heap on it. The flail, which is hidden in one of the mid-game dungeons, is honestly fantastic. It has massive reach and coverage, while not suffering the "might push enemies on you" issue that plagues the rods. It does cost ten gold every time you use it. Still, you're probably not hurting for cash, unless you're blowing it all on medicine and boomerangs. 

The world of Neutopia has also changed massively since the last adventure. Gone is the hub shrine, and has been replaced with a more natural overworld, with just the right amount of linearity to keep you focused. The dungeons have also seen a significant overhaul. They're more bespoke, often resembling the locations they're housed in rather than an assortment of rooms smashed together. In one dungeon, you'll explore a pair of towers, crossing the bridges between them as you climb. They don't quite approach the theming that you'd commonly see in a Zelda game, and that's fine. What's here gives Neutopia 2 an identity all its own.

In terms of pacing, it's another across-the-board improvement. You'll still have to put up with a rather slow walking-speed for the first dungeon, but shortly afterwards, you can do a mild sequence-break to pick up substantially faster boots. Dungeons increase in difficulty as you progress, but they don't necessarily increase in size and complexity either. There is more consideration for how everything in this game works. Extra confidence and care, which is exactly what you love to see in a sequel.

Yet with all this flattery, I've still got a better but on my mind. Why is that? Well, you see. There is one appreciable aspect of the first game that I forgot to mention. The last boss isn't at the end of a dungeon. In fact, he's just a couple rooms away from the starting hub, allowing you sufficient rest and preparedness for the final battle. In Neutopia 2 however, they stuck the final boss at the tail end of the large final dungeon. Which means, if you fail to defeat him, you're going all the way back. That is a lot of needless frustration! Why would the developer make such a change? Now that I think about it, if my dumb ass forgot about one of the first game's few great qualities, then do doubt others did the same.

Huh... well shit. 

Speaking of the final boss. Dirth is a real piece of work. He teleports around the arena, using the elemental rods against you. It's a clever idea, but misery in practice. Now normally when facing a boss with three attacks, you've got a 33 and a 1/3 chance of getting the attack you can counter, but Dirth is a gigantic ass and almost exclusively uses the attack that you can't do anything about. This is one of those times where I had to break out the save-states to preserve my sanity. I am not repeating a whole dungeon just to get pushed around by RNG. Going further, if I showed up at Dirth's door with just the fire rod, would he only attack with fire? Punishing players for being thorough sounds exactly like something a video game would do, but I doubt it's actually true. Unfortunately, I don't have any intention of replaying the entire game just to find out for sure.

Dirth sucks

In most of the ways that matter, Neutopia 2 is a great sequel. Better controls. Better dungeons. Better all-around. However, it's strangely worse in other ways. It's not baffling enough that it sours the entire experience, but it is enough to keep my mind filled with inane questions. Why did they break the fire rod and then create two more (also broken) rods? Why isn't the final boss somewhere convenient instead of a freaking pyramid or whatever? You see, this is exactly why I wish I could just say that it's a better but, so I could skip the part where I have to explain my reasons. I'd rather focus my energies on what matters... like pizza. All of the god damned pizza.

I hate pizza so much.