Bat-Octoberfest - Batman: Rise of Sin Tzu

Clocking in at a staggering three hours, Batman: Rise of Sin Tzu is one of the longest games I've covered for this review special. Is it a good three hours? Not hardly. The reason it took me so long to finish the game is because the developer took 20 minutes of actual content and stretched it well past the breaking point. This is what I call a cynical game, which makes it worse than anything in the realm of bad. I've said a lot of mean, sometimes even undeserving things about video games over the years, but I've always respected their creators. Every finished game is a miraculous creation. An artistic endeavor that I'll admire no matter how the final product turned out. However, as the years drag on, and the bitterness takes over, I've realized just how much of a cynic I've become. 

When an old broken-down cynic like I is faced with a hollowed-out soulless husk of a game, there's nowhere go but down. Down to a hell where the meager witticisms don't matter and whatever "constructive criticisms" I cough up are less than worthless. Somewhere, somehow, I believe that there's at least a few people who grew up with this Batman game and have a fond memory of it. To them, I apologize. I'd also like to apologize to the creators, because it's rarely (if ever) their fault. Whatever hatred I toss in the direction of this game is a fraction of a fraction of how much hatred I hold for the real dregs of the game industry. God damn. What I wouldn't give to tear down the CEOs, venture capitalists, and all the other scumfuck shitstains that remain untouchable while hundreds of thousands of actual creatives can't even find steady work, let alone attain the wealth they deserve for the miracles they created. 

Enough with the useless chatter, let's get on with the review of Batman: Rise of Sin Tzu. There's a new villain in town, and he's so lame that everyone forgot about him the day after this game's release. I'm talking about Sin Tzu. Get it? His name is like Sun Tzu except with an evil word OoooOOOoooOOooh. Would it help if I made spooky hand gestures while saying his name? Of course not. In order to bring this goober to justice, Batman must fight through two flavors of goons a hundred times over, jump across a seemingly infinite supply of moving platforms, and use a batarang or bathook at designated points. The game works in the barest sense, with every i dotted and every t crossed. There is precious little to see beyond that. 

Since this is where we'll be stuck for hours, let's get accustomed to the controls. If you're familiar with Batman: Vengeance, then you've already got the idea. Batman can jump, glide to get extra distance, climb ladders, all of that basic stuff. It's these basics that will be drilled into your noggin until they slide out the other end. Platforms are always spaced out far enough that you'll have to make a long jump or a jump & glide. You'll also discover quite quickly that this game loves its bottomless pits. Unless for some ungodly reason you need the tokens that unlock stuff in the Gamecube version, then there's no incentive to explore. Don't bother with any path that isn't forward and absolutely do not head downward unless it's clearly communicated that direction is one you need to head towards. Death sets you back a couple of minutes at the most, but that's on top of the three or so hours you'll likely need just to see the damn credits.

When Batman isn't jumping, he's punching. There's more of a beatemup angle to this game, but don't expect anything resembling complexity. Depending on whether you're holding up, down, or staying neutral, The Dark Knight has three different combo strings. Landing combos fills a gauge that can be expended to unleash a super combo. Enemies who are lying on the ground can also be picked up and thrown. Though some baddies will land from a throw with the grace of a swan, it matters not if you can chuck them off a ledge. They're also knocked down when friends are flung their way, making crowd control easy. The satisfaction that comes from pummeling hapless crooks won't last very long. More super combos are unlocked via story progress, but enemy variety never evolves past weak goons and strong goons. Actually, I take that back. A few get the bright idea to bring a bazooka, so bop them with a batarang the instant you see them. Oh, and I guess the low-kick combo is good if you're struggling with the guys who wear green pants. That's about as deep as the combat ever gets.

There's even less to talk about when it comes to the bat-gadgets. Just like in Batman: Vengeance, the necessary tool will flash when you're in a spot where it's needed. Although, there isn't a separate visual indicator this time around. It's a minor nitpick, especially since you can double tap up or down to get a better view of above or below. The only other detail to keep in mind is that Batman can throw his batarang further by holding down the R button. 

Unlike the previous game, everything you've just read is going on repeat for at least a few hours. I know I keep harping on that number but believe me when I say that you'll be feeling all three of those hours, and it's not at all pleasant. There's no Batmobile or Robin or anything else that could potentially break up the monotony. A single stage is often broken up into multiple sections, wherein you'll be punching and jumping or jumping and punching. The padding makes itself apparent very early on. The docks of Gotham are particularly egregious, as they just go on and on with no end in sight. Just when you think it's over, Commissioner Gordon calls Batman to let him know about a weapon of mass destruction that's located at... ding ding ding! That's right! The docks! Though in fairness, it's not like the other parts of the city are doing a whole to differentiate themselves. No matter where Batman goes, he'll be performing the exact same actions. Sometimes there's a switch to pull and a gate that must be reached before the time is up, but they often end up as an excuse to pad the game out further. I mean come on! Did the game really think I wouldn't notice every time it spawns a group of baddies after I flip a switch, ensuring that I'd have to play the timed section twice? 

The further I get into this game, the deeper I stumble into "Batman eating crackers" mode. Look at that guy with the cowl, eating crackers like he owns the place. One place he apparently doesn't own is the freaking Batcave. Something that I forgot to mention is that some enemies drop keycards when defeated. Why exactly would an intruder have the key to Batman's lair? This actually happens in the game; I shit you not. For a guy who claims to have plans on top of plans and a dozen contingencies if the Justice League is ever compromised, he can't even keep his house in order. Don't get me started on the random spike beds and constantly falling stalactites. 

Somewhere, nestled deep in-between the madness inducing bouts of repetition, are instances of actual creativity. They feel like fever dreams, but they do exist. Are they any good? Not really, but I have to appreciate when the game tries anything that isn't a slight variation on what came before. More to the point, there are boss fights. These function similarly to puzzles in that rushing the villain simply won't work. To beat the scarecrow, you have to punch the "ghosts" that he summons. To beat Clayface, you have to pull a lever and then bat-swing into him. Other instances include escaping a factory that is flooding with toxic acid, riding a large moving platform while punching guys and dodging crates, escaping a giant penny; all the stuff I normally wouldn't care to see, but have to accept because I'm too broken down to expect better.

Like I said earlier, Batman: Rise of Sin Tzu plays just fine, but it still has those moments where a missed jump isn't entirely the player's fault. During the great penny escape, a couple of the gaps will require an ounce of glide in order to cross. That's something the player is unlikely to catch on the first attempt, so back to the beginning of that section they go. Though recovering from a bad jump while still in midair isn't too difficult, the fact that almost every mistake leads to death and a swift kick back to the last checkpoint takes its toll. The crazy part is that it's something that I shouldn't really be bothered by. Many of the previous Batman games I've covered weren't even generous with continues, let alone checkpoints and passwords. This one has all the conveniences but lost its ability to entertain hours ago. All that remains is the cynical game padding out every last minute however it can, and my cynical desire just to see it all end. I certainly can't quit, because some random motherfucker on the internet will judge me for it. They always do.

There's also a Sewer Stage, because of course.

This game ends eventually, but not before it has had its fill of my soul. There's a part in the Sewer Stage where Batman has to solve three timed lever puzzles in a row. Afterwards, he must jump while making sure to avoid gliding too early, otherwise he hits his head on something, falls in raw sewage, and dies. I learned this the hard way, forcing me to retry the entire section. Afterwards, our hero must jump across crates and barrels while avoiding sludge. It's at this point I discovered just how woeful the collision detection actually was, with Bats almost consistently falling through the objects he's supposed to land on. Somehow that wasn't enough, and occasionally the falling sludge will "crush" Bats, killing him instantly. I'm not listening to anyone who says my or anyone else's hatred for sewer stages is overblown. 

Also, the final boss is three phases and if you lose to any of them it means restarting the entire fight.

Forgive me, I was wrong to ever consider this pile of shit a miracle.

Fuck everything about this.

NES Look - Totally Rad

This is another one of those games that I consider to be a perfect rental. What made it so perfect is that someone without any prior experience of the game can rent it, play it, and finish it in two or three days. Why spend $50 when you can spend $3? Before going further, I should point out that the game's publisher Jaleco was aware of the rental market and the potential damage it could do to their bottom-line. When they localized Magic John into the "awesomely bodacious" Totally Rad, they dropped the number of continues from unlimited to just three. However, they didn't even attempt to fix a point-farming exploit that allowed players to stock up on countless reserve lives. But hey! That's exactly what I like to see in a perfect rental! 

Alright, so Totally Rad was a fine way to spend an otherwise uneventful weekend, but how does it fare today? Well, it fares fine, I suppose. Aicom's output was pretty consistent, with some stand-out products like Vice: Project Doom and Pulstar. This hop & shoot platformer lands somewhere in the middle. It plays exactly as well as it needs to. There isn't an "adjustment period" wherein players must account for momentum, a strange jumping arc, or other idiosyncrasies like being unable to turn & shoot while crouching. Within seconds of starting the first stage, you'll know exactly what's expected of you. John jogs at a decent pace, hops when the jump button is tapped, and leaps when it's pressed down. His shot travels the length of the screen and can be charged to fire a powerful blast that easily wipes out most enemies. However, he can't fire a charged shot in mid-air. That's clearly an idiosyncrasy. Sheesh! I thought I could at least finish this paragraph before outing myself as a dumb liar.

Now Jake (or John) is more than just a jumping and blasting kinda guy. He's an aspiring magician trained by the mighty great Pong. Upon starting the game for the first time, you'd do well to poke through the protag's list of spells, taking note of which will be most effective for any scenarios that occur in the future. Every spell has a purpose, though some will likely see a lot more usage than others. I believe the idea was to allow for multiple playstyles, giving at least some freshness to subsequent playthroughs. The first time around, you'll likely stick to just healing magic, since an extra two or three bars of health can go a very long way. Next time, you could try the transformations, all designed to make certain sections easier to handle. 

In beast form, the hero trades his projectile away for a close-range attack and receives an invincible somersault for jumping through danger. The bird and fish forms are self-explanatory. None of them are required to finish the game, which is good since MP is pretty limited. There aren't any pickups, so you have to rely on checkpoints, new stages, or the next life to get a refill. Yep. Spending all that time farming a big stock of reserve lives really helps out here. One other thing, I lied again. There's at least one time where you'll need bird form to get out of a shallow pit. On the bright side, that form is great against the upcoming boss.

Really, the only spells I never had a use for were the ones that cleared the entire screen of enemies. Maybe they're secretly great for the boss battles, but I never bothered to try. Temporary invincibility and time-stop round out the list. They're merely okay. Only in a game like this would I consider a spell that's capable of stopping bosses "merely okay". It just goes to show how powerful the options are, when almost any one of them are capable enough to carry Jake through his tubular adventure.

The stages in Totally Rad (or Magic John) are packed with the usual assortment of fiends and traps. No bottomless pits though. Pretty rare for an NES platformer. Anyway, the pool of regular enemies is actually pretty shallow, so you'll be seeing a lot of repeats in spite of the game's short run-time. There are mid-bosses, but weaker versions will appear not long afterwards, further highlighting the shallowness. Normally, this wouldn't be a huge problem, since a number of great games have made do with very little. That really doesn't work here, I'm afraid. The stage layouts tend to leave enough room for you to take down adversity before they can become a threat. Claustrophobic encounters with baddies are few in number. 

The bosses are visually impressive, but their patterns are easy to figure out. Also, unless you're going for a 1-life clear, you're liable to have a ton of resources on hand. I'd say the toughest fight was actually the mid-boss before the final. Its propensity for hopping around and firing spread-shots combined with the spiked ceiling resulted in a fierce battle that took a few tries. The final boss? Pfft. He's a joke. Jump the boomerangs and position yourself to avoid getting trapped by his cannon. That's all it takes. 

Whether you're playing Totally Rad or Magic John, know that you're playing a perfect rental. This is functionally adequate game that's worth a couple of playthroughs. Beyond that, you'd probably have to attempt challenge runs like minimal magic or trying to clear everything with one life. Credit where its due, this game largely succeeds at its ambitions of delivering an action-platformer with a variety of powers. Sometimes when dealing with the NES library, meeting expectations is enough.

Hmm... Now that I think about it, "Magic John" sounds like an enchanted toilet.

2026 Special - Elvira's Monster Party

Today's look is Monster Party for the NES. More specifically, it's Elvira's Monster Party, a romhack where players can get their hands on the Mistress of the Dark herself. Considering that the game features numerous parodies of monster movies, placing Elvira in the starring role instead of just some kid with a bat makes perfect sense. The goal is to explore 8 realms packed with ghoulish creatures and ghastly traps. There are several doors to enter. Some contain bosses, others don't. Slaying every one of these archfiends will give you the key needed to move on to the next realm. It's a basic formula that's kept afloat thanks to this game's aptitude for being silly.

It's hard to hate a piece of interactive entertainment that features a boss that's already dead, and I don't mean undead either. They even apologize! There are numerous creatures that are equal parts spooky and charming. Hooded figures turn out to be literal Elephant-men. One boss battle is a dance festival. Then there's the victim of a delicious experiment known as The Fry. I'd recommend at least a single playthrough just to play "catch the reference". 

Multiple playthroughs? That's... kind of a tall order. I suppose it depends on your tolerance for repetitive enemies and questionable mechanics, as well as a 6th realm that outright stinks. Regular monsters in this party tend to move left & right. They'll go a little this way, a little that way, sometimes hopping and sometimes throwing projectiles. Even when they change size and shape, their behavior often stays the same. In other words, I can't really appreciate the variety in encounters when so many of them are similar to one another. The biggest differences between each realm tend to involve the locales, which can be hit or miss.

The first realm, which turns from a wonderland of smiles to a nightmare of bleeding skulls, is as great an intro to this game as could be imagined. Shame that momentum is immediately lost by the second realm. It's a sewer stage, and an annoying one at that. I remember renting this game as a kid and never getting past it. While I won't deny that my suckage had a lot to do with failing to survive the sewers, I still contend that it's a flop. Narrow corridors in a hop & swat platformer just aren't much fun. The next couple realms are okay. Featuring layouts that offer a little more room to stretch one's legs. Realm #5 is a lake. Crystal Lake? Probably not, but it is fun dodging Nessies and little fish trying to disguise themselves as sharks. 

I'd like to take a moment to appreciate the uniqueness of this game's control scheme. It's got the standard attack & jump buttons yet gets a little creative with the details. Jumping while attacking allows Elvira to hold her sword out, making it so she doesn't have to time swings to do damage. Also, whether she's in human(?) or succubus form, she can "jump-cancel" by pressing down. This is a handy move for avoiding projectiles while in mid-air. Batting projectiles back at enemies is also a neat feature. Collision detection is sometimes iffy, with some projectiles failing to harm an enemy even if it looks like they made contact. 

The fact that there are multiple ways to battle the bosses is also quite nice. Whether it's rushing and slashing them to pieces, hurling their attacks back, or flying and gunning them down; there's enough flexibility to give the adventure your personal touch. Transforming into a Succubus is done by swallowing a pill of dubious origin or is sometimes granted via the magic of RNG. When you visit a boss room, be sure to grab the "?" that occasionally appears. It might restore health, unleash the succubus within, or add points to your useless score. Players desperate for a healing might have to "farm" these rooms, since ?s can continue to spawn long after the boss is dead (or was never there to begin with)

Outright stinky realm #6 is a teleporter maze. Nothing more should have to be said. Still, in the interest of humoring the one or two people in the world who believe that there's anything salvageable about a teleporter maze, allow me to explain what gives this maze a particularly odious stench. The layout is awful. There is precious little that differentiates one room from the next. If you're not 101% locked onto the slightest changes, then you'll miss that essential path to the exit. Comets, furniture, and pants are a constant pain in the rear, chipping away one's health while stumbling between rooms. Fed up with the nonsense, I went online and found a map. Turns out the solution hinges on the player noticing that they're actually in the second set of a pair of identical rooms, and to avoid the door that kicks them back to the beginning of the maze. What a mess.

The final two realms involve climbing a tower and then running through Heaven while being bombarded by witches and killer constellations. It's a massive improvement over that teleshitter maze. Drugs are in ample supply here, so staying in Succubus form to easily clear the remaining bosses is hardly any trouble. Altogether, it's a fine way to end the game, but I still had a lot of negative energy from being stuck in the sixth realm for so long. Maybe I should've taken advantage of the handy password feature and given myself a little break. Oh well.

Whether you prefer to be Elvira or some kid with a bat, Monster Party is an NES game that must be experienced at least once. It's a delightfully weird and occasionally endearing adventure. Uneven at times, but survivable. However, don't be like me and attempt to tough out the teleporter maze. Get a map and rush through it ASAP.

NES Look - Arkista's Ring

Today's game is a collection of quirks, the product of a company that refused to leave assets and half-assembled code to rot. Arkista's Ring started development under NMK, which makes it a predecessor of sorts to the Rolan's Curse duology. Players take control of Christine. She's an elven archer who has sworn to protect her realm from evil. Foul beasts, fouler undead, and denizens not of this dimension apparently all take orders from the Shogun. They've invaded Christine's home, prompting her to grab a bow and drive them back. This is accomplished through the completion of 125 stages. Well, more accurately, it's 31 stages that must be played through four times in succession. It's like American Sammy looked at Ghosts n' Goblins and said "Pfft! Talk about amateur hour!"

Take a glance at The Cutting Room Floor and you'll notice that there was a LOT of unused content. Everything from monsters to NPCs didn't make it into the final product. I get the impression that NMK had to abandon the game. It lines up when you consider that their Game Boy titles featured more pronounced RPG elements such as towns and level-ups. Also, the possibility exists that all of this material was actually created in 1988 or thereabouts. Everything was gathering dust until Sammy took on the task of turning most of it into a functioning product. 

I guess this where I start talking about the actual game. The goal of each stage is to destroy a number of enemies until a key appears. With key in hand, Christine can head to the goal and on to the next stage. Whether they run, fly, or spit fire, fiends are always targeting the heroine. Eliminating them is made simple thanks to the trusty bow, though there is a key point to keep in mind. The elf can't change directions without moving at least a little bit. This quirk is one that won't take long to adjust to. Mainly, you'll want to avoid situations where you practically have to bump into a monster to have a chance at destroying it. This is made challenging due to the fact that while they're dogged pursuers, enemies are also just smart enough to avoid making themselves vulnerable. They like to stay out of the arrow's path, forcing you to make the first move. There's a health meter, but the number of i-frames can be counted on one hand, and you can't easily shoot what's directly on top of you. It would've been nice to have a sword for these tight scenarios.

Nevertheless, I don't expect players to struggle with much of Arkista's Ring. When defeated, monsters often drop bags, which contain one of several random power-ups. Besides restoratives that replenish health or pieces of armor, there are a collection of items that can be used at any time via the menu. They can be used to clear the screen of immediate danger, restore Christine to max health, or give her a fire rod for the remainder of the stage. Managing a limited inventory space is just as if not more important than evading creatures and sticking them with arrows. You'll want to save the healing potions and fire rods for emergencies. Of course, with so much of the game being a relaxing level of difficulty, you might be lulled into a state of half-sleep.

The wake-up call arrives in the form of ninjas, who make their debut towards the last third of the game. These masked assassins are extremely dangerous. They can leap over walls, outrun the heroine, and require more arrows than any other minion. The instant they get close, you'd better have a health potion, or Christine won't survive two seconds. There is one reliable method for defeating a ninja, and it's a portable radio that plays lo-fi hip hop beats. Actually, it's just a device called the ninja stunner. Whatever. Point is, you'll need to hang onto these because they can knock ninjas out for a brief period of time. 

It's darkly humorous that such a mild, unassuming adventure could turn into survival horror with the introduction of a new enemy. Ask anyone familiar with Arkista's Ring and you'll see the light drain from their eyes as memories of fatal ninja encounters bubble up from the depths. I suppose I should complain about the lopsided level of difficulty, but I'm not going to. The 20 minutes up to that point serve a purpose in allowing players to get acclimated to how everything works. All that acquired skill and knowledge has to be tested eventually, right? Right.

Besides, that was only the beginning. Now it's time for the second loop! The second... of four!? I know I mentioned this back at the start of the review, but damn. My mind still can't quite grasp why a 30-minute video game needed to be stretched to two whole hours. Sammy could've at least chucked in a few codes, so players didn't have to go through the whole ordeal in one sitting. I'll also go ahead and say that there's not a whole lot of depth. The inventory management is one thing, but only so much can be done with "run through a maze shooting monsters with arrows". It's not a foundation that could possibly survive the rigors of repetition. I mean, if that's what I keep telling myself to avoid three more playthroughs, then I'm certain to be convinced, right? ...Wrong.

Seriously, I've got save-states and nothing better to do with my life*, so let's keep going.

The second loop introduces a new boon: regenerating health. Yep, just keep moving and Christine will recover both health and armor. To counteract this, enemies have gotten noticeably faster. If they're capable of firing projectiles, then those projectiles are flying through solid objects. Otherwise, there's not too much to stress over. Ninjas remain as nightmarish as ever but knowing what to expect makes a big difference.

Life starts to become a luxury once the third loop rolls around. Enemies are even faster now. Hitting them with a couple arrows and escaping when they're too close for comfort requires more effort. Above all, don't let a monster latch onto you. If they do, you'd better make your next shot count, because escaping their grip is fruitless. On the potentially bright side, there's a small chance you'll stumble upon the mirror. Its ability to block projectiles makes it a very useful perk. Don't count on the almighty RNG to provide that miracle, however. Just be thankful when she gifts the essentials like fire rods, healing potions, and ninja stunners. 

Finally, it's fourth loop time. This is when it gets really nasty. Running away is out of the question. Minions are too aggressive and fast to shake off. By now, you've likely memorized every stage and picked up some mechanics that might work to your advantage. For example, Christine can fire arrows about as fast as the player hits the A button, provided she's firing while walking. Also, there's a very brief window between the heroine running out of health and death; just enough time to sip a healing potion. Getting this far takes dedication, but... it's kind-of worth it. Not sure if I'd ever want to go through this whole adventure in one sitting. I'm just saying that I think the effort is somewhat rewarding. The "best ending" is really weak though. At least Ghostbusters on the NES had that meme-worthy "prooved the justice of our culture" nonsense.

Considering the strange circumstances surrounding Arkista's Ring, I'm pretty impressed with what NMK / Sammy managed to pull off. The missing content is a disappointment, and I would've preferred a true Action RPG instead of Arcade with light RPG elements. Nevertheless, what's here is surprisingly compelling, even if it takes three or four loops to reach its full potential. Stages move quickly, and the jump from rudimentary charming to legitimately frightening once the ninjas show up is quite an experience. It does get repetitive, just not to the point when boredom has a chance to claw its way in. So... yeah, pretty impressed. I think that about covers it.

*The second I typed "and nothing better to do with my life", I received a text from my boss saying to come into work early. Affirmation, just what I needed.

Game Boy Advance Look - Castlevania: Circle of the Moon (Definitive Edition)

Back in August, I covered four Metroidvania titles from the Game Boy Advance and Nintendo DS eras. Imagine, if you care, that a voice pops into my head. "What's the harm in covering yet another?" it says. Suddenly, a second voice blurts out "You know damn well there's a lot of harm in covering Castlevania: Circle of the Moon." After a brief period of silence, a third voice chimes in, "What about the Definitive Edition?". 

"Oh yeah! The Definitive Edition!" some seventeen or so other voices said in unison. Released back in May of this year, this romhack makes several changes to the whip-slinging adventure. Let me just say right now that it's exactly what the game needed. First and foremost, all DSS card drops are guaranteed. Normally, the drop-rates are about 1%. I can understand making rare pieces of equipment hard to come by, but for something as integral to the game as its main mechanic is absurdly ridiculously insane. That's all in the past now, which is unfortunate for me because now I don't have a gripe that I can stretch out for a hundred paragraphs. Hm... Seems that I've backed myself into a corner. Never fear, because yours truly will find something else to complain about.

For now, let's get back on track discussing the game itself. As the vampire hunter Nathan Graves, you'll explore Dracula's Castle, discover new powers, and inflict grievous wounds upon every fiend that bars your path. It's a quaint little adventure, though overshadowed by a handful of maniacal design decisions. I already touched on the DSS drop-rates, but you know what else is very uncommon? A decent piece of armor. Healing potions, antidotes, and curse-reversing tonics are also considered rarities. Sadly, it's impossible for our hero to barter for essentials. This might not mean much early on, but when you're 3/4ths of the way through the game and Nathan is still dressed in rags, you start to question fate. When Nathan is near-death and the only potions you have restore a paltry 20 HP, you begin to question logic. It is these questions that start to pile up in the darkest recesses of your mind. Shove them into the closet and lock it tight, for all the good it'd do you. Eventually, the time will come when you're pushed beyond limits, the closet door flies off its hinges and shatters, and you're yelling "WHY?" until the words become dust in your throat.

Metaphorically, of course.

There is just something about Castlevania: Circle of the Moon that draws the scornful remarks from my soul. It's partially due to Nathan's lackadaisical attitude towards saving his teacher or whatever. How else can I say it? The man walks without a care in the world. I'm forced to spend at least a couple of minutes watching him leisurely stroll through monster-infested halls. Finally, he acquires the dash boots. From then on, a simple double-tap is enough to solve all movement-related problems. Hah! I wish it were that easy. Double-tapping isn't just a perk, it's a necessity. It's like lifting your foot off of the ground before putting it in front of the other. After the acquisition of the dash boots, every instance of walking feels like a punishment. Nathan can't get anywhere by walking. He can't leap onto most platforms or get around minions without running. Why walk at all?

The twisted part is that Definitive Edition supports the auto-dash patch, but I chose to go without it. Now I am not quite spiteful enough to purposefully ignore a wonderful QOL feature just to fill out a review. I believe it was voice #8 that told me something to the effect of, "Double-tapping to run is a good thing. It's depth. Part of the learning curve." Apologies #8, but it just doesn't work for me. There's none of the tactile satisfaction. Double-tapping never feels good, especially because Nathan and by extension myself are guaranteed to suffer every single time I don't double-tap. 

Next on the list is Dracula's Castle. The voices were unanimously disdainful here, I'm afraid. This is one entry in the series where the select button saw almost as much use as the attack button. Hmm... No... That's hyperbole. What I meant to say was that the select button saw 1/5th as much use as the attack button, which is still pretty high! Basically, the layout isn't great. A massive chunk of Drac's home is plain, short on landmarks, and lacking the bespoke details needed to keep me from checking my bearings every few seconds. Thankfully, locations outside of this centralized "hub" are really decent in layout and design. It's very cool how some areas emphasize platforming while others introduce a little bit of block-pushing. 

One other detail that I appreciate is that halls that require certain powers, such as the ability to push blocks or smash them, are arranged so that they're easy to locate on the map. Once I obtained a new power, all I had to do was quickly scan the map for unexplored rooms and go from there. It's a subtle but appreciated boon since I don't have to rack my brain for every possible instance that required a wall-jump or shoulder-tackle. Also, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't like the abundance of hidden rooms. A lot of time was spent using the DSS combination that creates revolving orbs of ice. Brushing up against a wall only to see (and hear) it collapse always gives me the tingles. It'd be another lie if I said that I didn't care for almost every secret being a HP, MP, or Heart upgrade.

Circle of the Moon presents a great incentive to explore through its difficulty. You'll want everything you can find, because they'll make dangerous foes a little easier to deal with. At the same time, this game is balanced enough that Nathan can rely almost exclusively on a small set of tools. Basically, there are a wealth of options to suit a vast array of playstyles. This is highlighted further in the alternative modes, all of which are unlocked from the start thanks to Definitive Edition. Admittedly, my most recent play-through wasn't especially creative. By the end, I had gotten a little too used to summoning Thunderbird to zap all of my problems away. 

Honestly though, I can't think of many bosses that deserved to be destroyed with exploits as much as the third phase of the Dracula fight. Attempting to strike a flying eyeball that's surrounded by bats is torturous. This is the part that broke my "WHY?"-filled closet so many years ago. A lot of my complaints about this game are either nitpicky or because I can't attune to the vibes it's putting out. That damned finale though... oh no... Chasing that eyeball around is insipid horseshit. I can't forgive a game that punishes me because I didn't want to spend additional hours farming rare drops and/or levels. Circle of the Moon is at its best for five, six hours at the most. 

My feelings on this game are chaotic. There are days I like it, days I don't, and days that I'd prefer not to think about it at all. The Definitive Edition romhack smooths out the rough edges, the kind very few people would miss. Give it a shot.

Hopefully I've said everything that was needed to be said. Part of the reason these looks are being written is because they help to silence the voices. It's a lot of work just to get something resembling decent sleep.

Bat-Octoberfest - Batman: Vengeance

For the first minute of Batman: Vengeance, I thought that I was going to be in for a real treat. Batman's hilarious running animation was the proverbial red carpet being rolled out, inviting me to another abysmal disaster the likes of which I haven't seen since a day or two ago. Yes, please! Give me another unquestionably awful take on the bat-formula so I can pretend to be much cleverer than I actually am. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, this isn't the case. Ubisoft Montreal delivered a functional product. It's a complete experience that juggles multiple styles of gameplay, neither excelling nor faltering at any of them. A bland yet competent game that 20+ years ago you could've gifted to your child, and they wouldn't secretly despise you for it.

Since the game starts off as a side-scrolling action-platformer, I should give a rundown on the basics. Controlling the Dark Knight is pretty effortless. Besides looking awkward, his stiff animations aren't detrimental in any way. Players of any skill level will pick up on the basics immediately, leaping over chasms and punching out everyone who tries to start trouble. Expect to hear from Alfred a couple times via tutorial call-ins. To sum it up: use the glide to increase the distance of your jump and don't forget about the healing bat-sprays in your utility belt. One other detail to keep in mind is that the bat-hook is only for designated spots. An icon will appear in the corner letting you know when to use it. While there's less freedom of movement than in some of the more ambitious Batman games, I can't find too much to complain about. Everything works, and sometimes that's enough.

After some time spent on the rooftops of Gotham, players are introduced to the first of three Batmobile levels. It's just a matter of reaching the goal before time runs out. While I'd never admit to liking these levels, I don't hate them either. Players aren't required to become one with the vehicle to have any hope of reaching the end. There's actually enough time allotted for them to make a few mistakes. It can't be said enough how amazing it is that a few extra seconds are powerful enough to keep an entire game from becoming unpleasant. 

Next up is the Batplane and... hang on. Batplane!? What happened to the Batwing? Have I seriously been getting the names mixed up all this time? Oh my gosh I am such a dolt! A literal moment's worth of research would've squared this question ages ago, yet... Never mind. Basically, Batplane levels are side-scrolling shmups of the most basic kind. Dodge bullets, destroy the enemy's weapons, and use a temporary shield whenever necessary. The intensity ramps up with each successive stage, and the Batplane clearly isn't built for Dodonpachi or even Life Force amounts of bullet-dodging. Still, it's not too bad. Just mind the buildings because colliding with them is instant death. 

Robin, the other playable character, plays a unique role in this adventure. Rather than being a sprite-swap, his levels feature a top-down perspective as well as a greater emphasis on puzzle-solving. That means blocks to push (or pull) in order to create a path, navigating an RC car through narrow corridors, and memorizing passwords to bypass forcefields. There's even a little conveyor-belt action. It's a definite change of pace, but like everything else in the game, it works fine. There's clearly an "all-ages" approach to the difficulty here, and it's effective at keeping players moving steadily. It's definitely not like other handheld Batman games, which try to pad out the run-time through limited continues and excessive deaths. 

This is, for all intends and purposes, the bulk of the game. Locales will change, introducing new enemy types and obstacles to contend with, but you'll adapt to them almost as instantly as you adapted to the basics in the earliest levels. Now, there are a couple of boss-fights sprinkled in, but they don't represent a massive shift in playstyle. Most are undone with a little problem-solving, while the final encounter just requires patience and a little bat-spray management. In spite of its 2001 release date, this almost seamless shifting between genres feels like a modern video game, something I'm of two minds about.

Let me be real here, I wouldn't have minded a little more friction, maybe even a bit of pain. Batman: Vengeance is like a comfortable pair of socks that could've used a pebble or two rolling around inside of them. Ubisoft Montreal juggled multiple game types and made them all work, and I certainly don't want to downplay that. My issue is that there isn't enough complexity or room to get creative. There's a part of me that misses the swinging mechanics in the otherwise brutal Return of the Joker for Game Boy. Give me opportunities where I can look stylish or fail miserably. The generous passwords and even mid-level checkpoints keep stress down to a minimum, so why not stretch those wings a little. Hmm... Maybe I'm broken and need a brick wall to run headfirst into just to feel something. Oh well! Point stands. 

In fairness, there is additional content for those who completed the story and want an extra challenge. Advance Mode takes existing levels and adds a few twists. Now Batman will have to obtain three data discs and finish the level before time runs out. There also seems to be more enemies. It's not a bad way to extend the life of the game and give veterans something to chew on.

I went into Batman: Vengeance with every intention to hate it. Hell, I kind-of wanted it to hate me. Instead, this is a game that chooses to be friendly with its players. A Batman title that incorporates the Batmobile, Batplane, as well as two heroes with specialized skillsets could've been disastrous in any number of ways, but everything just plain works. I'm surprised, and a little impressed. Perhaps the developers should've gone further to create a truly um... "memorable" experience, but as a product intended for a wide audience, they got the job done. 

Bat-Octoberfest - Batman: Chaos in Gotham

Let me just put a statement out right now: Batman: Chaos in Gotham is a bewildering mess. In my old age, I hit upon a number of realizations. One of which is that flowery puffed-up introductions only work when the game I'm reviewing takes an hour or so for the cracks to start showing. I figured something was up with this Digital Eclipse affair when the first level had a whopping two enemies in it. What followed was a game that's both over-designed and under-polished. It's trying to look like Prince of Persia but ends up playing like Cool Spot... Except worse! There are signs that the developers wanted the full "Be the Batman" experience. Problem is that they're all just signs. 

I won't spend a bunch of time explaining the plot. Besides, it's already explained in the title. There is Chaos in Gotham, so Batman & Batgirl must team up to thwart a series of villainous schemes. It's going to be a long night, so tighten up that utility belt and get to work. Over the course of several stages, you'll punch goons who may or may not be carrying guns, engage in light puzzle-solving, drive a couple bat-vehicles, and battle an array of bosses. Standard stuff. 

Seeing as how that first level I mentioned earlier only has a couple bad guys in it, do take the time to familiarize yourself with the controls and camera, because neither are your friends. The fact that I'm even mentioned the word camera in a 2D game is bad omen. Well, it's not terrible as long as you're consistently moving in the same direction. The second you turn; the camera immediately swings in the direction you're now facing. The developer intended to show much more of what's in front of the Bat than what's behind him. That's all well and good, but if you turn around several times, it creates this jarring effect that makes the action hard to follow. Seems to me that the game punishes the unconfident player by attacking both their eyes and stomach. I'm getting a little queasy just thinking about the times the camera jerked every which direction, all because I was unsure if I could make a jump. 

There is an unnatural feel to the controls, which flies in the face of what makes an action-platformer work. The first issue to look out for occurs while attempting to jump again immediately after landing. It's possible that the button input will get eaten, guaranteeing you'll run headlong into whatever danger you were trying to avoid. Another common problem, though this might be tied to the level-design, is grabbing onto ledges isn't 100% consistent. You'll have those moments where you're certain that Batman could've grabbed that ledge, but instead he'll bonk his cowl and fall. Sometimes, all you can really do is fiddle around until it connects. Altogether, there is a level of imprecision when getting around that feels unpleasant. Think of it like background radiation. One late-game leap is outright idiotic and almost impossible to connect unless you realize that you're supposed to stand still while jumping instead of getting a running start. 

Fighting bad guys should come naturally to The Dark Knight, but this game sees things differently. What we have here is a surprisingly common problem where there are a number of different combat maneuvers to perform, but only a couple of them see any serious usage. Let's start with the Shoulder Tackle. This is your bread & butter. It closes distance quickly and usually stuns whomever you bump into. Batman's punch is only useful if you're already on top of an enemy. His sweep, besides having an almost comical number of animation frames, is totally worthless. Jump-kicks have middling effectiveness on standing enemies. The coolest-looking move is the pounce, which is performed by ducking and hitting jump. Shame there's no reason to use it over the Shoulder Tackle. Granted, a couple of other moves will be used during boss fights, but...we'll get to them in a minute.

Admittedly, I regret saying "tighten up that utility belt" earlier, because while this game features an assortment of gadgets, you'll probably never use them in any meaningful capacity. First up is the batarang. You can throw it, but don't expect decent results. Its usage is limited to very specific scenarios. Bat-rope's only purpose is to acquire a 1up or two. I didn't even try what I presume to be smoke bombs. Seems like everyone threw on their novelty belts for this adventure. In fairness, ineffective gadgets are a small problem, but they contribute to everything else that's sinking this game into the abyss. 

Which brings me to another issue: wonky damage mechanics. It might not mean much if Batman occasionally gets hit with the ol' 1-2 jab combo, but certain attacks can drain a bunch of health at once. For instance, during the fight with the Joker, Harley will jump down and perform some sort of acrobatic move while pulling out a pogo stick. If Batman gets caught in this specific animation, he could lose 1/2 to 3/4ths of his life in an instant. It's just an odd thing that can happen, serving no other purpose than to punish players for playing the game. Also, I said this fight was with the Joker, but actually it's Harley and her pet hyena that do all the work. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

I'd say this game is riddled with inconsistences, but since the Riddler doesn't make an appearance, I've lost out on a catastrophically brilliant segue. Instead, it's time for vehicle sections. There are three altogether, and spoiler alert: they're not good. The Batmobile is by far the worst. First off, you're plopped into the city without a real explanation of what needs to be done. The objective is to take out Joker's goons, which I presume is done by smashing into them at a certain angle. Secondly, you'll have no idea what that angle is until you've smashed into 3 or 4 of their trucks. You know what? I'm just going to say this sucks. 

In the next vehicle section, Batman takes to the sky in his batwing. No wait. I think it's his bat-glider? Sheesh! I've reviewed over 15 of these games and I can't even get my bat-ropes and bat-hooks right, let alone whatever the hell Batman is supposed to be riding in this dumb stage. In order to catch up to Roxy Rocket, Bats will fly through a couple of buildings. Arrows helpfully indicate which areas are safe, but you're actually rewarded by ignoring them with a heart and a 1up. Granted, it means slamming into couple of walls, but this is how the game subtly teaches you to defeat Roxy. Trying to fight her like a traditional shmup boss is a mistake. Just get right in her tail and mash the fire button, ignoring the damage you'll take in the process. This also sucks, but not as much as the Batmobile. Also, why am I capitalizing Batmobile and not bat-glider or batwing or bat-dammit! Oh, and Batgirl drives her Batcycle to Poison Ivy's greenhouse. The perspective is neat, and the way the bike handles is actually not bad. It is pretty easy to get wrecked by enemy bikers though. Not good, but playable, and I'll take what I can get.

Upon reaching the greenhouse - which is scalding red - players gain full control of Batgirl. She has functionally the same abilities as Batman, just with a different set of animations. I want to say that I appreciate her inclusion, but there were some strange decisions made. She doesn't actually throw her batarangs. She turns slightly and they fly out of her rear. I guess there wasn't enough time to finish the throw animation. They did manage to slide in some jiggle physics when she uses the bat-hook. It's literally a few pixels worth, but my poisoned brain noticed them in an instant. The stage itself is annoying to traverse thanks to frequent thorn patches.  

Fighting Poison Ivy is absolutely one of the lowest points of this game. Trying to avoid the plant bombs is doubly difficult thanks to an overly large hurt-box and there never being enough time to react to them. This absurd fight is further exacerbated by the fact that the heroine dies in a mere five hits. How does a game this poor get away with giving its player-characters a Castlevania amount of health? Ridiculous. Completely and utterly ridiculous. Eventually I cleared it with some clutch flips and sheer dumb luck... Yay me. Most* of the bosses aren't nearly as bad, though I can't help but question why Bane takes less hits to defeat than Poison Ivy. 

Clearly, the developer had big dreams for Batman: Chaos in Gotham, but game development does what it does best and crushed them into dream dust. The surprisingly robust character animations and artistic flourishes are saddled with a spotty art-direction. I've seen less red in a Virtual Boy game. Both the hero and heroine have a wide selection of techniques to play around with, but they struggle with the basics of jumping. Every attempt at getting creative falls apart due to inadequate programming. What's left is a product that's teeters between barely tolerable and outright horrible. Don't even get me started on the headache-inducing music.

Never again.

*Two-Face truly sucks. Absolute trash heap. If I wasn't already sick to death of this game, I'd get into the details.

Bat-Octoberfest look - Batman Forever: The Arcade Game

You might've seen the incredible speedrun of Batman Forever on Awesome Games Done Quick. It is, without a doubt, a supreme demonstration and a ton of fun to watch. However, actually playing the game is much, much less fun. I feel like I should apologize for what's most certainly going to be a wet blanket of a review, but once I got past all of the batshit insanity, all that's left was... bat shit. I'd even go as far to say that this is one of the worst arcade beatemups I've ever played. If I do everything right and play exactly as intended by the game, then I'm treated to a brawling experience that's almost as enjoyable as staring at the wall during a techno rave. The millisecond I step out of line, every bone in Batman's body is broken into dust. Who is this depowering fantasy for? 

There is a cycle to this game, and for what it's worth, I can see what the developers were going for. Basically, Batman and/or Robin moves from left to right, beating up everyone who appears onscreen. When adversity is dispatched, they leave behind bat-logos. Picking them up builds a power gauge. Once full, the heroes "power up" and gain more powerful moves. Once they hit the third power level, their moves are enhanced even further. An effective technique for the Caped Crusader is his jump-kick into punch combo. At level 3, the initial kick is invincible, allowing him to freely get in anyone's face and bash them brutally. Performing these enhanced attacks drains the power gauge, prompting the need to acquire more logos. "Powering down" is inevitable, and that's fine. In fact, the heroes recover life whenever they power up, so that's more than enough incentive to keep using those strong moves. 

On paper, this loop of seemingly constant power-ups sounds pretty cool. Players are incentivized to pull off a spectacular series of combos that obliterate everyone onscreen. Sure, they'll expend their chosen hero's power in the process, but that'll be recovered in time for the next wave of enemies. Unfortunately, the execution is woeful. Sheesh! I need to find another word besides execution. It sounds like every game I dislike is being placed on the guillotine. (Note to self: Use "in practice" in the next review). To put it bluntly, so much of Batman Forever is just noise. Reacting to a series of split-second occurrences is made so much harder by the developer's insistence that keys must be jingling at all times. Everyone is always flipping and stretching like cartoon characters. The inconsequential events often drown out what actually matters, like being able to tell when someone is throwing a punch.

I like the giant explosions and the heroes yelling while lightning strikes around them, but a lot of the other visuals are incoherent just for the sake of it. Early on, there's an instance where a rowdy crowd is in the background. I didn't pay it any mind, though I wondered why Batman kept getting stopped dead in his tracks at random moments. Turns out, the crowd was throwing objects at him, they just got lost in the chaos. Ohhhh! That makes sense! Those indiscernible objects blended in with other indiscernible objects and became... yeah. Swear on my everything. There's nothing wrong with just making the bad objects red so that players know what to avoid. Red means dead. Flashing objects can work too, though maybe not in this game where flashing lights are already a constant.  

Seeing as how the heroes have consistent opportunities to recover life, the game felt it necessary to institute a method for ensuring that they could still drag quarters out of whomever is in front of the arcade cabinet. This method is "give every enemy a 100% combo". That's... that's really extreme... isn't it? I mean, there are certainly other games in the genre where enemies can cleave a third or half of one's life bar with a couple of moves, but usually there's some sort of wind-up or it's an ability unique to particular adversaries. Here? Batman blinks and that's enough time for the nearest hoodlum to unleash a Raging Demon. You'd better start blocking the instant anyone starts swinging. I say this, knowing full well that I've never been fast enough to lose less than a third or half my life. 

Adding to the general unwieldiness is that this game moves at an unsustainable clip. Most moves don't carry any impact. Something as simple as more hit-stop would've gone a long way. When everyone is zipping around the screen, those few frames where everything stops are essential. Give the average person a microsecond to plan their next move. There's no harm in that. Instead, every death feels unearned, as if the player didn't just make a series of mistakes. Whatever happened that causes the demise of its protagonists never feels like something that the player could learn from. This is a constant issue that sucks out the minimal entertainment value I'm trying to get from being a masked vigilante who picks fights with everyone around him.

I'm just going to say it: The only fun to be had from Batman Forever: The Arcade Game is in the AGDQ speedrun. Watch it, enjoy it, celebrate its runner who spent many long hours of practice in order to make it look good for a crowd. I absolutely do not recommend playing it. 

2025 Special - Sword of Vermilion

All of my notes on this Sword of Vermilion review can be summed up as "Start talking about the sword and never stop." This does not refer to the titular weapon, which isn't obtained until the last hour of the adventure. As far as I'm concerned, the most enduring quality of this 1989 Sega Genesis Action-RPG is found in its combat. That instant when sword meets flesh. The maneuvering to avoid getting overwhelmed. Learning the enemy's intricacies while adapting to their increasing speed and strength. There is something here that holds up amazingly well, and I want to focus as much of the review on it as I can.

Before jumping into the juicy details, allow me a minute or two to set everything up. You are Larx, the lost son of King Erik, heir to the massive pile of rubble that was once Excalabria. The evil forces under Tsarkon are sweeping the realm in search of eight magical rings. With the few coins your foster father left behind in your pocket, you're about to embark on hundreds of hours of adventure gameplay. Let me just say right now that I'm glad this adventure takes 12 to 15 hours at most to complete. The traditional town > overworld > dungeon structure is already stretched to the barest thread. There's hardly enough enemy variety and combat depth to last the entire game. If I could summarize the story in as few words as possible, half of them would be synonyms of deceive. Yeah, imagine being a main character who gets tricked as much as Larx. From fraudulent kings to duplicitous little girls, everyone is out to cheat the hero out of his rings. He's just that gullible. I'd pity him if I didn't already hate him.

Sword of Vermilion is also impossible to discuss without mentioning its faults. The second the hero is placed under your care; you'll be treated to the dated UI. Having to bring up ye olde Dragon Warrior menu just to talk to someone is harsh. Set the message speed to fast and preserve that sanity, because you'll need every last ounce of it once you arrive at the overworld. The encounter rate is legendarily bad. Expect to be accosted every few steps, whenever you turn, or even get hit with what I like to call "the double-tap". That's two battles in a row! No moving or menuing allowing. That's just obscene. There is a spell that temporarily eliminates encounters, but it only works in the overworld, and you can't acquire it until late in the game. Also, as much as the story loves pranking its protagonist, an inventory with a mere eight slots has to be the biggest joke of them all. Almost half of it gets taken up with quest-necessary items.

At this point, the game would need some truly killer combat to get players to put up with its myriad issues. I mean, I was crowing about how good it is a minute or two ago, so it's got to be something special, right? Well... It's complicated. Upon playing the game for the first time eons ago, my initial thought when swinging the sword was "Wait. That's it!?" Back then, my frames of reference were The Legend of Zelda, Crystalis, and Hydlide. Seeing the hero of a shiny 16-bit game swing a sword so shamefully put me into a state of shock. For the first time, I understood what the developers behind Hydlide were trying to do. Yeah, having an attack with zero reach stinks, but at least I could easily comprehend what was expected from me. In Vermilion's realm, it took a lot of button-mashing and failure before I discovered that this method of combat has some real merit to it.

To better explain the effectiveness of this game's sword, I provided an image. This is what I'll refer to as an approximation of the sword's hitbox. Both giant eyeballs died the millisecond after this screenshot was taken. What happens is that every time Larx swings his sword, it produces a wall of pain, shielding him from evildoers for a handful of frames. Such a move would mean nothing if monsters didn't react to it. Thankfully, they'll rear back, retreat, and try again a second later. Without knowing the intricacies of combat, an ambush by eight fiends would be a death sentence, or at least a ton of frustration. This leads into what makes fighting in this game so rewarding. There is immense satisfaction in slashing out of the enemy's initial charge, ruining their ambush, and decimating them until nothing remains.

Yes, I know it never looks like much is going on, but the same could be said about the classic Ys games. The thrill is in the approach, not the spectacle. Note in the previous screenshot that Larx is standing in-between both enemies, yet he can slay them both in one strike. It's all part of the combat's understated brilliance. Each type of monster has their own style of movement and responds differently when struck by the sword. These eyeballs only attack when the hero is nearby, so it's easy to manipulate them into colliding with one another, taking out two eyes in one strike. The cyclops is normally a force to be reckoned with, but its ranks are easily broken if you can get them to retreat into each other. Once they're all bunched together, it's like a wealth of beef to hack apart. If you can't afford to commit to an attack, likely because you're under assault from a different direction, then a quick swipe is still enough to drive a fiend away for at least a second. 

To keep you from getting too content, the game introduces wizards, toadstools, and other creatures that are capable of projectile attacks. Defeating them without taking damage yourself is quite a bit more complicated. Wizards are particularly aggressive in how they move and will fire a bolt the second you're in sight. Keep in mind that the instant you slay them, their bolt immediately dissipates. This is good, because you're not trading hits when facing a spellcaster head-on. Otherwise, the strategy often involves waiting and looking for openings. No doubt this is why a foe capable of spreading the most firepower only attacks in pairs or by their lonesome. No matter the situation, escaping is the easy part. There are exits on both sides, so if you're struggling or not in the mood to fight, you can just walk out. Provided you get at least a single kill, incomplete battles still award experience and cash. 

Sword of Vermilion maintains a respectable challenge by introducing monsters that are faster and tougher than those you've encountered previously. I'm afraid there are a lot of recolors, which in fairness, isn't the worst thing in the world. You'll still have to adjust your tactics and react more quickly. Speedier creatures are more apt to create chaotic situations, and it doesn't take too much to get shoved into oblivion. The hero doesn't have i-frames, which gets tricky when dealing with the upcoming archmonsters. If you're ever feeling that a sword isn't enough, then take advantage of the magic spells available to you. Copperos, for example, fires a bolt that explodes into flames, destroying anything clustered together. My pick is Aerios, which functions a bit like Wind Blade from the 3D Ninja Gaiden games. It's an easy (and cheap) means of shredding the opposition before they get a chance to do anything. I'd call it unfair, if I hadn't already slaughtered thousands with sword alone due to the bonkers encounter rate. 

The Archmonsters are the big bads that were often shown in this game's advertisements. They certainly look impressive, and the sideview perspective is very cool. The fights themselves often come down to patience and grit. Your first fight is against a dragon, which attacks by lunging at you if you're too close when its head has moved to either its highest or lowest point. A clunky introduction - likely made clunkier by my explanation - but you'll get used to it. Mainly, you have to look for an opportunity, and you don't have much to work with besides moving backwards, forwards, ducking, and swinging. Including the final boss, there are six Archmonsters in all, so expect a few refights. 

Admittedly, I'm not a big fan of this game's idea for boss-fights. A well-timed swing is required to swat away the two-headed fiend's projectiles, yet every single one that connects does immense damage. This leads to classically frustrating scenarios where I have to trudge through a dungeon again just for another shot at a boss that'll kill me in seconds. Near the town of Swaffham, there are three flying demons that must be dealt with. If there's a strategy besides allowing them to corner me and hope that my HP will outlast theirs, then I'd probably like to hear about it. I say probably because I don't expect to replay this game anytime soon. Sword of Vermilion has found its way into my rotation several times over a staggering 35-year period. If there's one person deserving a break from this game, it's me. 

Also, I'll gladly confess that I broke the final dungeon. Sword of Vermilion's most notable glitch involves the few pieces of cursed equipment found throughout its world. By repeatedly equipping and uncursing the Death Sword or Old Nick armor, players can drop their strength and armor-class until it falls below zero and loops around into absurdity. This glitch tries to "fix" itself when there's a level-up or change of equipment, but if your AC is 1500 or more, not even the final boss can do much besides scratch you for a single point of damage. I've found joy in this game's combat, but grinding to level 31 and/or repeating the comically long trek to face the final boss is not something I'd willingly endure. 

Did I mention just how much walking there is in this game? It's clear Sega knew the encounter rate was terrible and took further measures to pile on the misery. The walk from the final town to the final dungeon is particularly outrageous. It's like climbing two mountains while a fight breaks out every few steps. Yes, I can use the encounter-eliminating spell here, except I've exhausted a huge chunk of my MP by the time I reach the actual dungeon. Agate jewels replenish MP, but I can't carry more than a couple because of all the damn keys. I'm not saying all this to justify my cheating in the finale, but would you blame me if I did? Maybe this insane finale was actually test of my honor and courage. 

Shit. I guess I am evil. 

With the review about to reach its end, I fear that I haven't talked about the combat enough. It's the main reason why I've put up with Sword of Vermilion for all these decades. There is an understated ruggedness to clashing with adversaries. Arenas are small and often crowded with danger, but the hero is given just enough agency to fight their way out. Turning an ambush into a slaughter without flinging a spell is exactly the sort of compelling entertainment I'd expect from an arcade giant like Sega. Still, this game's everything else is precisely why I have so much trouble recommending it. Even its most enduring quality can wear thin after hours upon hours of fighting.