Yup, we're heading back to the 90s for another classic arcade game. Wild West C.O.W. Boys of Moo Mesa, along with Sunset Riders & Mystic Warriors, formed something of a trilogy. I mean, how else could I describe a trio of shooters where four players blast through an entire rogues' gallery and their hundreds-strong army of goons? Besides, the shift in genre was a welcome reprieve from Konami's plethora of belt-scrollers. It also meant more opportunities for their immensely talented programmers, artists, and composers to show off. Anyway, since today's review is centered on the Ryan Brown (TMNT) property, let's uh... let's rodeo!
After a whole mess of cows evolved into a "bovipomorphic" state - caused by a comet striking the Western plans - they formed a community atop the mile-high mesa they were stranded on. Next, they discovered Steampunk, mined several tons of silver, and built a thriving frontier town. A frontier to what I can't really say. Maybe the comet caused the formation of other skyscraping mesas, and folks would use airships to facilitate trade or travel. In any case, wealthy towns out in the middle of nowhere inevitably fall prey to ruffians. It's up to Marshal Moo Montana, Dakota Dude, Cowlorado Kid, and Buffalo Bull to keep the peace. This is the part where you insert a coin fire up MAME, select your favorite Cowboy, and start blasting.
Wild West C.O.W. Boys of Moo Mess, which I'm shortening to WWC.O.W.BMM for the remainder of the review, is unique in the sense that it's very... kid-friendly? Now, I'm not judging the gaming skills of the kids, nor am I trying to be condescending to older folks, but this is an all-ages shooter. To put it another way, it's an unexpectedly fair arcade game. Actually, fair isn't the word I should use, so let's swap it out for... generous. Yes! Generous! Why, if this shootemup wasn't loaded to the brim with Konami's trademark flair, I'd say it almost looks out of place sitting next to the likes of Golden Axe: Revenge of Death Adder, Parodius, or a multitude of other classics that would gladly exchange your precious coins for a series of boots to the face.
Let me put it this way, if you were a parent worried that your child was going to spend all five of their dollars on a single arcade game, then you'd gently nudge them towards the one based on that Cowboy cartoon they're always waking up at 6:00 am on a Saturday to watch. Allow me to explain just how generous a shootemup can get. Players start with three lives. It takes three hits to end a life, but health-replenishing booze is easy to come by. Health is also restored to full whenever a stage is completed. This is what I mean by generous. One coin is taking a gamer - no matter their age or skill level - much further than if they spent it elsewhere.
Another reason why a life in Cowtown lasts longer than one might expect is due to the complete absence of collision damage. Now, if it were up to me, collision damage would be joining fall damage in Hell, but I understand it's a necessity for some games. Konami thought otherwise. Unless the enemy is shootin', swingin', or creatin' explosions, then no heroes are getting harmed. This has a shocking effect on all interactions, no matter whether they involve the lowliest goons or the baddest bosses. It won't take long for players to realize that they can get creative during encounters, using movement and positioning to place themselves just out of danger.
One example that immediately comes to mind is the boss fight with Five Card Cud. He's a deadly dealer that employs fancy acrobatics to pelt sweet innocent folks with playing cards. One of his moves is to leap onto the platform where you're standing and throw a few cards. It's actually a bright idea to stand right on top of him, in-between those cards flying to the left & right. The one time you should avoid contact is when he transforms into a massive card, and that's a massively telegraphed move. One of the other villains (I don't know his name) drives a train. During most of the boss-fight, you can park yourself outside of his cannons and safely fire away. Another game would've expected its players to dodge everything thrown in their direction, but this one's generosity extends far beyond expectations. Multiple other bosses can be undone by playing smarter, not harder. I'd say the biggest exception is the final boss. He's got the largest array of attacks, all of which are designed it punish anyone standing in the wrong place for one too many seconds.
As one would expect from Konami's best years in the arcades, C.O.W. delivers seven stages that contain all manner of obstacles and adversaries. This being western-themed, there's the obligatory minecarts, ghost town, and a giant scorpion-infested gulch. Stages rarely last beyond a few minutes. They have their theme, play around with it for a little while, then end before their welcome is worn out. It does get mildly repetitive having two instances where an eagle-riding cowboy guns down goon formations like it's Gradius, but it's also the only instance that really stuck out to me. The majority of the 25-minute runtime is used well. Giving players the choice of the next stage is also a nice touch. The level of difficulty subtlety increases with every passing stage, so choosing to complete the most troublesome of them early is a worthwhile strategy.
Besides running, jumping, and shooting, the boys are also capable of dashing. This Jump + Shoot technique lets them charge ahead, smashing through whatever's in their way. I can't properly explain why, but it reminds me a little of Rocket Knight Adventures. Mainly I guess because it's a technique that sounds like something to build a game around, but using it poorly is guaranteed to put players in a bad position. The dash isn't invincible, and it won't do immense damage to bosses. It's one of those mechanics with rare-use cases. You'll have to experiment to find them. Still, its inclusion does add to the flavor, helping to set the game further apart from Sunset Riders & Mystic Warriors. Special weapons can also be picked up and held. Mainly, you'll want to hang onto them for specific situations. There's a mid-boss in the minecart stage that can be quickly dispatched with a well-placed boxing glove.
Also, I'll go ahead and mention that this arcade game might have one of the saner second loops I've seen out of Konami. There's clearly an increase in difficulty, as more enemies appear in each stage, and bosses seem a little bit faster than before. Otherwise, it's shockingly restrained. Nobody is firing spread shots or coughing up revenge bullets. Players will have to work a little harder, but there's nothing here that would force maniacs off of the machine. Y'know something? I'm starting to suspect that this game was never intended for maniacs in the first place.
I've done about all I can to dance around the words I could use to describe this Moo Mesa Cowboys game, but in the end, I have to admit that it's a bit on the easy side. Not "You better 1CC this in less than three attempts" easy, but a heck of a lot more forgiving than just about everything else that populated arcades in late 1992. Despite this, not once did I ever feel like its comparative lack of difficulty took anything away from the game. There's still plenty of action, fun bosses, and decently thought-out gimmicks to justify the time I've spent. Plus, it's freaking Konami. You know darn well it's got all sorts of charming details that fans of both the cartoon and video games can appreciate.
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