While it's difficult to view the warmonger Megas as a tragic victim, he was betrayed by his father and then exiled to another dimension. If that wasn't enough, his own brother nearly killed him. The only reason he's still alive is because of a hundred cybernetic implants. I'd actually have cut the dude a little slack if he kept his revenge strictly personal. Of course, that wasn't possible either. As it turns out, while Megas was out of commission, his brother Rogles was killed by Yuko Asou. Feeling more than a little discontent with the events that transpired in his absence, Megas declares war on Rogles' followers, bringing the world of Vecanti to the brink of annihilation. It falls upon the fantasm soldier to dust off her bikini armor and restore order.
In a way, Valis II is the entry that defined the series. Its voice-acted cutscenes and OVA-quality music really bring the presentation to another level. Sure, the voicework mostly consists of Yuko's actress doing her best with the material while every villain sounds like a SpongeBob character, but it's all part of that Turbografx-CD charm. The Act 1 theme is also an all-time banger. Sadly, I'm that critic who invested an overabundance of years into crowing about the merits of game-design. The reason this blog materialized was out of love for the arcades. Over a decade and a half later, I'm long past the point where the abyss stared back. Now it's 5:03 am on a Saturday morning and I'm trying to assemble a combination of words to explain why I'm not satisfied with this game.
You might've read my review of Valis for the Genesis and vaguely recall my laments about its lack of "sauce" or "grits" or whatever pretend-lingo I use to appeal to a crowd that couldn't give a shit about ancient history. Valis II can't even be categorized as sauce. It's more like tepid pasta water, which to its credit implies a hint of flavor. Problem is that the presence of anything else can and will overpower the flavor, creating a concoction that is nearly impossible to enjoy. What I'm trying to say here is that beyond being too easy, this game's attempt at difficulty shows the roots of the series' origins on the PC in a way that's just unpleasant. Of course, the chance that you'd experience it for yourself relies on a string of bad luck that could only happen on a slot machine. Confused yet? Because I certainly am.
Let's back the truck up all the way to Act 1. This is the customary intro stage where Yuko gets reacquainted with her abilities as the fantasm soldier. In other words, she runs from left to right then right to left blasting everything with a bullet-spitting sword. "Everything" is as you'd expect the typical potpourri of creatures assailing their target from both sides of the screen. Some walk, some run, some fly, but they'll almost always die before they reach Yuko. For a mild chuckle, try holding forward and mashing the attack button. It looks ridiculous, but it crushes a lot of adversity the instant they appear. Eventually the screen will halt so that a mid-boss can saunter up and take several bullets before dying. He'll drop the first of several sub-weapons. Sub-weapons have some neat effects, but they're used by pressing up on the d-pad. Not up + attack mind you, just up. Eventually you get used to accidentally spending sub-weapons on inopportune moments.
Shortly after the first mid-boss, Valis II introduces the homing missiles. This replaces the basic projectile Yuko has been firing. Either pick it up or get ready to duck and fire at the four-legged critters that are about to attack. Besides a few instances of monsters spilling out of an offscreen clown car, this game never throws what could be considered a threatening number of enemies at the protagonist. Outside of bosses, the biggest damage dealers are the things that don't explode after a couple of bullets, but that won't be relevant until at least Act 5. From now until a good while later, everything is at Yuko's mercy. So many action-platformers depend on its player receiving the punishment, but it's practically the reverse here. One other thing; do pick up the wave-shot and carry it through the entire adventure. It does respectable damage and erases common projectiles.
In order to keep things fair (for the game) there are a couple of features that ornery reviewers like me love to prey upon. One is that Yuko doesn't get very many invulnerability frames after taking a hit. If you haven't already destroyed whatever bumped into you, then get out of the way quickly, because they're sure to inflict even more damage. The other feature is that both Yuko's attack and defense drop back to level 1 after she dies. Raising these stats is a matter of finding uncommon power-ups, so where you lose a life could place you in a significantly annoying position. It's not insurmountable, not by longshot. It only gets ugly if you exhaust every life and have to continue. Continuing resets Yuko's health to the default, which could potentially be half of what it's capable of reaching. I know I'm saying a lot of things that likely won't be relevant for several acts if not the entire game, but this is what I mean about the series PC origins. All of the difficulty comes from a lack of balance. Adopt a "1CC or don't bother" mindset and grab every health upgrade. Yuko is all but guaranteed to die two or three times, and that extra health is essential to recovery.
Since a lot of what I'm talking about is irrelevant for most of Valis II, let's skip ahead a few acts. Don't worry, because there's not much to miss. Acts 2 & 3 feature some platforming and enemies that do a little more than move and die, but nothing that warrants concern. Act 4 however is worth paying attention to, because it's setting up a series of circumstances that could culminate in the loss of at least one life. This is a long act filled with monsters spawning from multiple directions. They're easily eliminated, but it's still important to move at a methodical pace. Instead of easily destructible monsters, Act 5 features a deluge of indestructible traps. This is where damage can really pile up, resulting in death. Naturally, death leads to Yuko losing her powered-up stats, making the early bits of Act 6 more of a trial than they deserve to be.
If you're wondering about the possibility of losing every life, then it's because you haven't played this game before. Yuko receives a 1up after obtaining 20,000 points, the next after 50,000. I think every 50k points thereafter adds another life to the stock. More can be found just lying around in each of the first five Acts. In short, the couple lives Yuko could lose are almost instantly replaced. To reiterate, you'd need a string of bad luck on par with sitting at a slot machine to reach a Game Over screen. This game's level of difficulty is set to "statistical improbability" by default, and you'd have to ignore every power-up to create a challenge. Obviously, it'd be an unfun challenge, but that's just my opinion.
Oh! I'm at the point in the review where I have to discuss the bosses. I'm sorry, but these goons are just plain sad. Provided Yuko has her level 3 sword and a modicum of health, she can give minimal effort and still crush her adversary. What should've been her strongest opponents are almost entirely undone by semi-safe spots. For the Act 5 boss, it's the center of the screen (I'm serious! Try it). For Megas himself, it's the far left of the screen. I didn't want to bring up Syd of Valis, but at least that game required a little strategizing to conquer its bosses. This? This is just embarrassing. Oh! Also, dying at a boss likely won't matter because Yuko just respawns mid-fight. This is something that I actually had to test for myself because otherwise I killed everyone in the first attempt.
There is a part of me that should be a little kinder towards Valis II. It has the most interesting antagonist in the series. Yuko also kicks some serious ass. I wish future games leaned more into the "battle-hardened heroine in a dark fantasy world" stuff. However, being the kind of reviewer that I am, I just can't see the merit in an adventure lacking both excitement and consequence. I love tons of easy games, but almost all of them have consequences, even if the worst of them is just wasted time. I want to feel like what I do matters, that my skills and experiences have contributed to whatever success I attain. Instead... pardon me, but I just got smacked in the face with a meta-existential crisis.
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| Oh my god. |
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