2026 Special - Faussete Amour

I think Faussete Amour is trying too hard to be two different games. It wants to have the tough-as-nails arcade action, but it also wants to be playful and creative. Comparisons to Bionic Commando and Ghouls n' Ghosts have swirled around this 1993 product by Naxat Soft for quite some time, but it's not as deep as either of those Capcom classics. The relaxed pace and emphasis on (tonally jarring) cute characters suggest that this could've been a mascot-platformer, just with a NSFW tag. However, those kinds of games tend to be more forgiving and geared towards a wide swath of skill-levels, but this... hmm... You know something? The more I think about this game, the more confused I get. 

As the story goes, a village was attacked by a demonic cult led by some masked goof named Goat Bone. In order to rescue her sister, Corque Lans grabs her customized lance, dons the pinkest magical armor, and sets off on 7 stages of fun and adventure. The "fun" is in trying to avoid bottomless pits, monster hordes, and scantily clad lackies who transform into archdemons. The "adventure" is inadvertently slaying both Corque's sister and her husband-to-be, only to then be confronted by Baphomet. Don't worry! If our heroine manages to kill an occult deity, everyone will be brought back to life and have a good Christian wedding. 

I'm probably still going to get Twitch-banned for showing too much Baphomet underboob.

The tone really is all over the place. There's dark fantasy, murder, implied content warning, nauseatingly cute SD character art, demons with their nipples out, and it's all topped off by Corque herself. Contact with anything remotely evil will strip the warrior of her ridiculous armor. Either she obtains a fresh suit from a nearby fairy, or risks being stripped of her underwear. Somehow, it's a less believable reason to lose a life than being reduced to a pile of bones. I'd be a hypocrite for suggesting this is tasteless but at least allow me say that it's dumb as hell. There must've been one or a dozen media properties that Faussete Amour got its inspiration from, otherwise I can't understand how someone would go about making something that tries to be dark but also cute but also a little horny. Only a little though! Naxat Soft isn't trying to make one of those other games for the PC Engine CD. Maybe my memory is faulty, and there's a property that effortlessly juggles all three extremes, but this game isn't it. 

Anyway, let's just get on with discussing the actual game. Like I said, this is some sort of chimera with a lot of ideas haphazardly strung together. The heroine walks very slowly. There's merit in a cautious step, as it lessens the probability of walking off a ledge, but the inability to react to a sudden shift in one's fortunes is concerning. What I mean is that if something random occurs, Corque is going to have a difficult time walking away from it. I'm hesitant to pull an endgame example, but since I already spoiled the ending: Baphomet has a move where he pounds the floor, causing two rocks to fall from the ceiling. Where these rocks land is randomized. If one should be hurtling towards the heroine's noggin, she's more-than-likely not going to be able to evade it. I've complained incessantly about protagonists who don't give a shit about the world they're supposed to save. Corque walks like she doesn't give a shit about herself, and that's depressing. I know my words carry zero weight, because it's not my body being exploited to sell a video game, but damn. 

Jeeze... Now the guilt is settling in. Let's try and move it along.

Corque's sole weapon is a lance that stretches in multiple directions. Its most common use is reaching and stabbing all creatures that walk, crawl, or fly. There's also a twirling move that's performed by holding the attack-button down while in mid-air. Its wide range makes a great solution to multiple problems, but overuse will result in pain. Since it's usually performed while jumping, you give up the ability to adjust Corque's trajectory. The recovery time is also slightly higher than a regular attack. Twirl mastery is needed to utilize the projectile power-ups, which are found throughout each stage or boss arena. These tend to be the difference makers in the toughest fights, so try and hang onto them.

Pressing the jump button while in mid-air will fire the lance at a 45-degree angle. If it lands in a platform, then the pink-clad warrior can swing to-and-fro indefinitely. Pressing the attack button will launch her into a really neat somersault that demolishes enemies. This is the coolest mechanic in the game, but it's massively underutilized. In fact, none of the bosses make use of grappling, so no somersaulting into weak-points or anything of that sort. Actually, boss-battles are dependent on basic jumps and ducks. Nothing strenuous early on, but that will change in the latter half.

The first three stages in Faussete Amour are probably the most relaxing I've seen in something that wants to be spoken of in the same breath as Ghouls n' Ghosts. This is what gave me the false impression that the developer intended to make a mascot platformer. Keep the difficulty approachable, build upon the swinging mechanics, create something that's not kid-friendly, but could still satisfy the PC Engine's particular niche. Then stage 4 happens, and... oh this was meant to be a hardcore platformer!? Moving platforms, occasional blind jumps, no checkpoints, all working in concert with one another to keep players on edge. The following stage is where the ugliness happens. If you haven't been using that somersault move, then the rising lava and flying projectiles will deliver endless punishment. 

This stage is also where the boss battles start to get ridiculous. Four barely clothed cultists ambush Corque. While they don't all attack at the same time, their contributions are staggered so that players could easily walk from one armor-shedding attack one underwear-shredding attack. Defeating these rude ladies is going to take a lot of trial & error. Though extra lives are common and continues are unlimited, patience dwindles quickly when every string of failures is followed by a replay of the entire stage. Following up with a 6th stage that's more bottomless pit than anything else is just plain harsh. Upon reaching Corque's sister, you begin to realize how frustrating a sloth-ass walking & jumping speed are when the villainess can Sonic the Hedgehog her way through the heroine with ease. 

Then the final stage hits, and it's about as long as three stages smashed together. In case anyone was hoping for a miracle; no, there are no checkpoints. After surviving the gauntlet, Corque is thrust into a two-part final battle with Goat Bone and Baphomet. Both bosses have their own uniquely shitty traits. Strike Goat Bone, and he'll drop a green mutated orb out of his robes; which quickly bounds all over the screen. Baphomet has the aforementioned rocks, bad luck leaves, and hands with questionable hitboxes. None of the fights in this game are long. Instead, they're all designed to eat lives, force retries and eradicate the concept of fun.

Faussete Amour really needed to find a direction and commit to it. If I'm playing an arcade game, then why aren't there more arcade elements like points and secret bonuses? This can't be a mechanics-driven platformer, because all things unique or interesting are pushed aside to have boss battles that could've occurred anywhere else. Basically, there's a lack of direction, and I feel like a bad person whenever I screw up. No thanks.