Bat-Octoberfest - Batman (Game Boy)

"For the first time ever, you can hold Gotham City in the palms of your hands!"

"Fight The Joker at home or on the train."

"It's Batman in your back-pocket!"

Sunsoft has returned with another Batman game. This time around it's for the Nintendo Game Boy. Before you ask, yes, it's also based on the movie. In an interesting turn, the Dark Knight doesn't rely on his fists and bat-gadgets to battle the endless crooks of Gotham City. He just shoots everyone with a gun. It's not a bat-gun that shoots bat-knockout gas pellets either. He fires large bullets that cause criminals to explode like they had nitroglycerin for blood. Basically, you'll be running from left to right shooting anything that moves, while taking great care not to fall off of ledges or moving platforms. 

Like a lot of the Game Boy's earliest titles, there is a certain quaintness to Batman. The very fact that he's using a gun seems like a concession the developer made because they hadn't unlocked the hardware's full potential yet. Each stage has a rudimentary charm to it. They're filled with tiny blocks that can either be used as stepping-stones or destroyed to reveal power-ups. In most cases, there's plenty of room to move around in, with bottomless pits being the most prevalent obstacle. Moving platforms and the presence of enemies near ledges represent the extent of platforming difficulties that you'll have to deal with.

The method Sunsoft employs to ease players into this adventure lies in the implementation of Batman's jump. It's a leap that has a fair amount of float to it, carrying the hero a bit further than in similar games. Little effort is required to recover from a mistake, so if you jump but realize you likely won't make it, getting back to where you started is still possible. You'll be forgiven for at least a few of the things that can go wrong during your quest to stop The Joker. Just don't push your luck, because the screws tighten with every passing stage.

For starters, this isn't an everyday run & gun. If you run up to every bad guy guns all a-blazing, you'll end up getting hurt... a lot. Batman dies in four hits, and there aren't any mid-stage checkpoints to ease the suffering. What you're expected to do is watch, wait, and attack when an enemy's back is turned. Using the environment to block their bullets is also a solid idea. Shoot, if you have a weapon that fires through walls, then that's even better. Speaking of, there are several to choose from, so try to hold onto the one that suits your playstyle the best. The wave shot is a personal favorite, though it means I have to be careful in avoiding any other weapon pick-ups. It's also important to grab every weapon power-up. They're gun-shaped and will make life harder for the bad guys. Watch out if you see a pick-up with inverted colors, because touching it will make life harder for you. 

It might not seem like it in the first half, but Batman (GB) does have a mean streak that could throw the unaware for a loop. The lack of mid-stage checkpoints will become very noticeable in stages 3-1 & 3-2. These take place in the Batwing and... oh indeed they are shmup stages. Holding down both the B & A buttons will fire shots in both directions. It drowns out the great music but helps with staying alive. You're liable to retry these rather tough stages a few times. The small health meter and bullet-spewing bosses don't leave a lot of room for error. At least the extra lives aren't uncommon...

The one stage that's really going to push your buttons is 4-2. It's an auto-scroller with no shortage of difficult jumps and turrets. This is where the generous jumping controls become very important. Both your timing and arc have to be nearly perfect to avoid landing on bullets. Maybe you'll stumble over one or two restoratives but stumbling into pits is the far more likely event. Finally, The Joker is going to put up a heck of a fight. Try to aim for the face while dodging waves of bullets. 

Wait a minute. Is this a review or a half-assed walkthrough?

Honestly though, after taking everything into consideration, I believe that Batman on the Game Boy deserves a rating of "Not bad." Its simplistic while also being functional and entertaining. To the surprise of no-one, Sunsoft delivered a killer soundtrack. The modest difficulty curve ends with just enough bite to make anyone sweat. 

Give it a shot. 

2026 Special - Tina's Adventure Island 2

Just to immediately head off any confusion, today's review is about the NES game Adventure Island 2. I played through it using this romhack, which replaces Master Higins with his girlfriend Tina. Typical of role-reversals, now Higins is the one who has to be rescued. Otherwise, it's the same game as before. 

This is technically not the first Adventure Island review I've ever done. That would be Wonder Boy Returns Remix for the Playstation 4 back in 2019. That wasn't my greatest year. By the end of it, I had burned out and stopped writing the next five. All that time writing for someone else took its toll. Nowadays, I write only for myself. It's more of an addiction than anything noble. I realize now that if I ever stopped writing, I'd just slide into another addiction, one that's not nearly as productive. 

Moving along, Tina's Adventure Island 2 is what you'd expect from a hop & throw platformer. The heroine runs from left to right across eight islands, each of which contains anywhere between 9 and 14 stages. There are I believe 80 stages altogether, which is actually quite a handful. Most of them are completed in just a minute or two, so it balances out. A password system still would've been nice to have, but I can't fault Hudson Soft too much for its omission. They printed the level-select code in the manual so players wouldn't have to start over after shutting down the console.

As tempting as it may be to skip ahead to the final island, I'd advise against it. The game employs a very gradual but noticeable difficulty curve. The first several stages might be lacking in challenge, but they teach the essentials that'll help players survive. With the completion of every island, the numbers of obstacles & creatures increase, putting up a fierce fight that'll get even genre veterans to sweat. Also, whether you're Tina or Higins, contact with most anything is immediately fatal. The meter at the top of the screen is the time limit. Food keeps it topped off, and don't be surprised when you're faced with stages where there's little to none whatsoever. 

Nevertheless, I'm sure you'll (eventually) persevere, because this is a fair and well-designed game. Power-ups are typically found in eggs. The first you'll find in each stage contains your trusty hammer. It's a strong weapon with great reach. With practice, you can eliminate threats nearly the second they appear onscreen. Tina's speed and jumping ability are also finely tuned. There's a slight tad of momentum, but no more than you'd find in the average Super Mario game. However, I will go ahead and point out that whenever you're jumping over an obstacle - especially if it's a rock - that you give yourself a fraction of a second's leeway. Hitboxes and hurtboxes are a tiny bit larger than one would assume. Trying to cut your jumps close will result in Tina stubbing her toe on something, and then you're both in a world of hurt. Aside from that, all of the running, jumping, and throwing basics will be second nature before you finish the first island.

In keeping with tradition, some stages allow the heroine to ride a skateboard. The extra speed is nice, but not being able to stop is a rough trade-off. The game treats this as an added challenge, going so far as to provide 2,000 points if you can reach the end with board intact. Other rides include this entry's big feature: dinosaurs! There are four in all, with two specializing in offense while the other two are masters at flight or swimming. It's a fun way to traverse the stage, though not without difficulties. The time limit drains at a faster rate, and players will have to adjust to being a larger target as well as a molecule's worth of additional momentum. If you manage to complete a stage with your dino safe and sound, you can bring them to the next stage or shove them into your inventory for the future. I appreciate this QOL addition, even if my hoarding self refuses to ever take a dinosaur out of storage. "What if I need one for the final stages?" I ask myself while the credits roll. 

On that note, Tina's Adventure Island 2 isn't afraid to get mean as the endgame approaches. Volcano island introduces - get this - volcanoes. Their consistent spread of hot rocks will take a shocking number of lives. On the flipside, penguins in the frostier lands can drop killer snowballs from the sky. These two were a source of pain during my adventure, so watch out for them. The final island has some significant platforming challenges, one of which can cause slowdown at the worst possible time. Those who persevere will eventually be thrown into the literal belly of the beast. This final stage is a grueling test of endurance where there's a lot to avoid and no time to stand still. I'd argue that Hudson could've eased up just a little. Having to repeat the 14 toughest stages + a final boss after every Game Over is very "NES hard". 

Speaking of the bosses, I must give credit to their consistency. Most stick to a basic pattern of moving from one spot to the next, all the while spitting projectiles. Other obstacles are added to subsequent boss arenas to maintain the gradual upward climb in difficulty. There are very few surprises, which is a good thing considering how much work it can take to reach them. Learning a boss can be fun, but Hudson wisely chose to keep that aspect to a minimum. If you have dinosaurs to spare, try bringing one along to a fight that's giving your trouble. The extra assistance could make a huge difference.

For all you maniacs out there, it is possible to go hammerless. Yes indeed! Just plop Tina's hammer into the inventory before each stage and get to moving. Not taking a weapon along creates an entirely new level of difficulty, one that requires dedicated knowledge of enemy patterns. It's certainly not insurmountable and can even be a lot of fun. The game acknowledges your exemplary achievement with an extra 2,000 points upon stage completion. Give it a try whenever you're feeling zesty.

My one major complaint is that the underwater stages are pretty repetitive. They all have the same layout, with the only differences between them being the number of obstacles. It's not a serious issue. Go ahead and give Tina's Adventure Island 2 a whirl. You'll have a really good time with it.

Sega Master System look - Line of Fire

Another review already? Yeah, I mean... I might as well. There's a void in my soul. I figure that as long as I keep tossing reviews into this void, it'll fill eventually. Kind of sucks being born too late to make a difference in the world and born too foolish to hold onto the few good things that life gave me. At least I have Line of Fire for the Sega Master System. Jeeze. There's that foul taste of Friday morning again. I understand that the rest of the world looks forward to Fridays, because it means the weekend. I work weekends, so Fridays are just the descent into hell. Not even a fun rollercoaster descent either. More like, I don't know, riding a rickety barrel down a waterfall that's made of broken glass... descent.

Anyhoo, Line of Fire is a shmup of sorts for Sega's classic 8-bit hardware. Hop in your jeep and blaze a trail of destruction through six stages, each ending in a boss. Standard stuff, besides the part about the jeep. This is a different STG, sometimes in a good way, sometimes not. You don't get free reign of the entire screen. Instead, you can only get as far as the center, where your ride will speed up slightly. This is essential for stage 2, as that extra boost is required to jump over cliffs. Whoops. Getting ahead of myself for the 349th time. The jeep has a standard machine gun and a limited supply of ground-to-air rockets. Adversaries attack from both land & sky, so use the respective weapons to eliminate them. It's actually a neat little feature, definitely deserving a checkmark under the "Good Different" column in my nonexistent chart.

Also "Good Different" is related to that bit I alluded to about jumping over cliffs. Reaching that necessary speed is sometimes finicky, and there was one time I couldn't make a jump. Death via falling is particularly awful, since in this game players have a health meter, but only get three lives. Losing one in an instant is going to hurt badly. On the kind-of kickass side is the fact that later on, the boss is a helicopter. Sure, you could bring it down with rockets, or you could jump off of ramps and bring the behemoth down with a machine gun. It's this sort of schlocky goodness that I wish Line of Fire had more of.

The next two stages take place on a boat, and then the jeep again. Both have ways of standing out from what comes before and after, giving this shmup a decent variety. Some aspects don't always land, however. Your rockets are controlled while they're in the air, whether you want them to or not. Sometimes this works in your favor, like for taking out the cliffside turrets in stage 4. Other times, you fire a rocket and dodge an enemy's bullet, only for that rocket to veer off target and offscreen. It's tricky setup, and to an extent I get why the dev-team decided on it, but wasting rockets in a critical situation is never fun.

The last two stages have you piloting a chopper. Sure enough, that means your guns eliminate air targets and those rockets should be saved for anything on the ground. It's a cute idea that works well enough. Only problem is that stage 5 places you in the crosshairs of several enemy rockets. They're pretty obnoxious to dodge, though you might not get that impression from a long-play video posted on Youtube. Perhaps there is a specific movement pattern that renders them nearly harmless, but first-time players are unlikely to stumble upon it. The finale is a massive fortress. Be sure to take out the trains beforehand to grab medkits and rockets. Afterwards, it's mainly a matter of timing your attacks so you can destroy the laser cannons. Dodging bullets that are coming from multiple angles is tricky, but the real threat is going to be the lasers.

Line of Fire is fine, I guess. There are some cool moments that'll really make you think "Yeah, I'm glad they did that." Other times, particularly the aforementioned part with the rockets, you'll probably wish you were somewhere else. Still, give it a shot if you're curious. As for me, I'm going to spend the rest of the morning deep in existential dread as I wait for work to begin. 20+ years in the service industry has left me with a broken spirit and a deep hatred for anyone who refers to me as "brother", "bro", "my friend", "pal", "buddy", "boss", "my dude".

Sega Genesis look - Phantasy Star 4

After finishing my fourth play-through of Phantasy Star 4, I thought that maybe I should finally write about it. The thought was immediately brushed away, because the last thing the world needs is yet another heaping dollop of praise for a game everyone loves. Besides, I already talked about the second entry in the series just last month. Unfortunately, and I think I can speak for everyone when I say this, but intrusive thoughts are motherfuckers. Digging through my skull-flesh along with all the other mind-worms is this persistent need to say something, preferably with an air of self-importance. I can't very well go to the grave until I have exhausted my every last thought on the world's entire library of video games, so let's get to it.

The word you're going to see a lot of in this review is efficiency. This Sega RPG gives you exactly what you need to have an enjoyable adventure. Important character introductions and story-beats are delivered via lovingly crafted panels. This is perhaps the fastest and most ideal method of storytelling I've seen out of the genre. Anyone hoping for countless seemingly interchangeable scenes of party-members standing around yapping are out of luck. Here, you're given memorable images featuring expressive people. It's like a laser beam delivering all pertinent information and feelings straight to the cranium. You're also gifted a constant and efficient means of getting up to speed with the handy "talk" command. Everyone in the party converses amongst themselves, relating the current event and what needs to be done to move the plot forward. 

After the initial character introductions and a text-scroll, you're given control of the party. Unlike previous entries, the walking speed isn't set to "I need a romhack to fix this, pronto!". Bounty hunter Alys and her sidekick Chaz move like they actually have a job to do. Speaking of, that's exactly why you're in Piata. There's no leaving this city of academia until the first dungeon is completed, so let's get to it. Dungeons in this game are designed for maximum efficiency. Okay, maximum sounds a bit much. It's not like you're bumping into the boss the second you walk through the door. What I mean is that there's the path to the goal, a couple of side-paths to explore for loot, and that's it. This isn't Phantasy Star 2 where the very first dungeon has ten floors that you can't tell apart. This also isn't Phantasy Star 3 where every dungeon is one floor of nonsense. I'm visiting a hostile place that wants to kill me with monsters instead of boredom for once. This and many other similarly nice feelings will last the entirety of the 13-hour run-time. 

Just over a dozen hours doesn't sound like a long time for an RPG, and it isn't. However, I would never call this game short. Short is a word that sometimes carries negative connotations, like the developer had to make several cuts in order to meet a deadline. The case I'm making here is that PS4 is what happens when an RPG provides player's a decent walking speed, battles that move quickly, and cutscenes with short yet visually pleasing images instead of overlong segments where the controller is taken away. I'll also add that there's just enough fluff to meet the world-building quota. Visiting ruins from before "The Great Collapse" provides players with new equipment and a bit of information about what befell the Algol system between the events of PS2 & PS4.

Now let's dig into that battle-system. In keeping with series tradition, everybody you recruit has a wealth of techniques. It just makes sense that a self-sufficient duo like Alys & Chaz has a tech for every occasion. Rika delivers both heals and buffs, but her one constant is cutting through scores of monsters with her claws. Androids like Wren & Demi have their own set of skills, specializing in both self-repair and assisting the party. Bear in mind that androids can't be healed by regular techs and are weak to electricity, both of which come into play quite frequently. Rune & Raja? Pure spellcasters. Throw their sticks away and have them dual-wield shields like your favorite Elden Ring build. These aren't party members whose strategies you develop over the course of an entire playthrough, but rather the natural response to what you've learned in previous battles. 

I suppose I should bemoan the lack of a mind-boggling array of classes and build possibilities. Seriously though, that's one thing I've never once thought about during any playthrough. Battles are designed to be quick, intense, and to provide immediate feedback when one's tactics aren't sound. A lot of what makes this system is work is its pacing. Every attack is animated yet not overdone. Textboxes instantly deliver the pertinent information. Combat is streamlined, but not in a fight-button or heal-button manner. The extraneous aspects were just stripped out, leaving nothing but the impact. Every turn the party makes carries significant weight. Again, the fact that almost everyone has offensive and defensive tools at their disposal ensures that battles move at a consistent pace. If the healer is down or needs an assist, then Chaz should step in with a Res or two. 

Basically, what Phantasy Star 4 accomplished with its battle system is a lost art. Turn-based encounters that are fully animated yet don't have me reaching me for a skip button an hour in? That's an incredible achievement. Carrying over the third-person perspective from the second game was also a genius move. It creates a distinct look and keeps the visuals exciting. Ultimately, this is one of the major factors as to why I've completed multiple playthroughs while so many other 16-bit RPGs sit in the dust for decades at a time.

Going back to the dungeons, I'll admit that the thought crossed my mind that they could've been larger. The endgame in particular might've benefitted from an epic fortress that spans several floors with sub-bosses and refights galore. Then a second later, I realize just how silly that sounds and gain further appreciation for Sega's restraint. For one thing, it's impossible to save while in a dungeon. This creates tension, since losing to a random encounter or boss undoes any progress made while exploring. At the same time, dungeons don't balloon to absurd lengths or force a lot of repeat trips. A playthrough isn't especially difficult, unless you're attempting a low-level run. Everyone else can expect a smooth adventure. The one consistently troublesome spot I keep managing to run into are the three wizards at the Air Castle. I don't know what I did wrong, but they'd decide the first round is the perfect time for all three of them to act at once, shredding my supposedly over-leveled party with one AOE after another. 

On a tangential note, I have to discuss Raja. He rules. Here's a Dezolian that just wants to hang out with the first group that drops a spaceship on his temple. All of his jokes are terribly amusing or just terrible. It's a damn shame he's taken out of the party after a single dungeon, but I guess that's just how it goes. There is a point in the endgame where you can decide to recruit him or one of a number of other 5th party members, but it's not enough. Actually, now that I think about it. This otherwise perfect RPG could've used a couple more endgame dungeons. There's not a lot left for five high-level heroes to do besides stomp The Profound Darkness. Maybe I should try one of those romhacks that bump up the difficulty, and then immediately drop it after getting smoked by one too many random encounters. Sorry, but I have to quibble about something. 

Anyway, that's Phantasy Star 4. It's a game I can recommend to everyone, but everyone has already played it so... I don't know. Did I mention that this RPG has aged better than most of its contemporaries? I sort-of already did, actually. Hmm... Damn.

Oh well! On to the next game.

Sega Genesis look - Elemental Master

Why am I talking about Elemental Master in 2025? 

I think the better question is: Why aren't you talking about Elemental Master in 2025?

Beyond the stars and in the outer reaches of existence, there lies another world. It's a lot like ours, except without all of the suck. In this amazing world, walking shmups are as common as raindrops. Look, I don't know the scientific term for them and I'm not going to bother seeking it out. All I'm saying is that the STGs where you walk or perhaps run to the boss while shooting everything in sight are a lost art. Off the top of my head there's: Undeadline, Guwange, Sisters Royale, Mamorukun Curse! and Mamorukun ReCurse! Wait. Do remasters count? I guess they'd have to. Wait! I almost completely forgot about Psycho Chaser and Atomic Runner. Hang on. Isn't Chelnov more of an auto-scrolling jump & shoot or whatever?

You know what? Just pretend I have a point and let's move on.

Elemental Master is a fun little adventure by Technosoft. I say little because seasoned vets will shoot through it like a flak cannon through wrapping paper. It is fun though, a testament to a developer that could make practically any idea into solid gold. You're Laden, a man with a mediocre hairdo. Your brother Roki has joined the side of evil, so you've got to straighten him out with some lasers to the face. To accomplish this important task, Laden must first survive seven stages of monsters & mayhem. 

Upon starting the game, you're allowed to choose which stage to tackle first. Don't be like me and pick the first choice every single time, without fail, and then start complaining all wah-wah like because it's too hard. It's not Elemental Master's fault if you didn't follow the unwritten rule: "Never start with the fire stage.". Besides, it's not that bad. You've just chosen to get thrown into the deep end and have to paddle back to shore. The fire stage is filled with lava as well as waves of fire tearing through cracks in the ground. Enemies will also attack from above and below. Thankfully, your default weapon is strong enough to handle most everything. The coverage is lacking, so get used to moving around to keep adversaries in your line of fire. The faster you kill something, the less trouble it can potentially cause. Firing in one direction or the other is as simple as pressing a corresponding button. C switches weapons, but that won't be relevant until you've completed at least one stage.

Once the second stage hits, you'll have unlocked the rest of this game's mechanics. Each weapon you obtain has its own strengths. One is designed specifically to travel across walls, while another fires narrow yet ultra-powerful shots. There are five in all. Besides switching weapons, you can hold the fire button down to unleash a charged blast. It's a boss killer that is unlikely to see any other use beyond extreme circumstances. After all, having to stop firing just to charge up could place you in a disadvantageous position. You'll also team up with a friendly fairy who bashes nearby monsters. Not amazing damage, but you'll live.

"You'll live." might as well be the subtitle for most of Elemental Master. Once you understand the basics, dealing with all opposition is very simple. Power-ups are generously placed, and bosses aren't likely to live past a minute. Obstacles of all sizes and shapes give each stage a unique quality, except it won't translate to an actual challenge. Putting it bluntly, this is the easiest shmup with ice physics that I've ever played. Spinning flails and waist-high water might make you more mindful of where you step, but you'll still have to mess up several times in a row to even dream of seeing the Game Over screen.

Now I'm not going to say the game is a one and done affair. Be sure to check out the semi-hidden options menu that requires A+Start to enter. It's here that you're invited to kick the Game Level all the way to Expert. This setting gives enemies slightly more durability and a penchant for bullet-flinging. Bosses also receive a significant boost to their everything! It's actually got some sharp teeth, which I just learned the hard way. Maybe it's my fault for choosing the forest stage instead of the fire stage first. In any case, this isn't a game that can be written off after a single play-through on the default setting. 

While it goes without saying, I feel like I have to mention it anyway. This shmup has the usual high level of quality we've come to expect from Technosoft. It looks good, sounds amazing, and the controls are spot-on. All of the innerworkings like hitboxes, hurtboxes, etc. are also on-point. Even if the difficulty levels remain untouched, you can still have a fun time with it. I'll also kick in a few bonus points because this game is on the "Boss Rushes I do not hate" list. It's a very short list. Maybe if more games gave me the super laser that slices through a Boss Rush in seconds I wouldn't despise them so much.

Bat-Octoberfest - Batman (NES)

When discussing Souls-likes, one subject that is sometimes brought up is the runback. This is the part of the game where players run from a bonfire - or an equivalent checkpoint - to the last boss that defeated them, in the hopes of getting their revenge. Once a common occurrence in titles such as Demon's Souls & Dark Souls, runbacks have lately fallen out of favor, with more and more games placing checkpoints next to the boss arena. There are still some games that carry the torch, Hollow Knight: Silksong being one of them. I recognize the validity of the runback. The gauntlet just to get another shot at the boss creates a uniquely challenging experience. On the other hand, sometimes I just want another chance, without having to run past a minute or two's worth of obstacles. 

Batman or Batman: The Video Game as its sometimes called, immediately earned a reputation as being a beloved classic among NES fans. It's also an exceedingly rare example of a great licensed game. Seriously, anyone who was around for the 80s & 90s has played at least 10 pieces of junk, all based on their favorite comic or movie properties. Sunsoft's first foray into the Dark Knight's world would solidify them as one of the developers to watch during the NES era. Future titles such as Mr. Gimmick! and Battle Formula proved that they were one of the few who mastered Nintendo's venerable 8-bit hardware. 

I feel like anyone reading this piece knows exactly what I'm going to say next. Batman on the NES is a prime example of a runback game. Provided nothing goes wrong, a typical playthrough is going to take less than 30 minutes. However, I guarantee that it's actually going to take multiple hours, because several things will go wrong. The expectation is that much of your time will be spent retrying levels just to get another attempt at the boss. Continues are unlimited, but getting kicked back to the beginning of a level still hurts. Altogether, there are twelve levels; all packed with difficult platforming challenges and vicious enemies. Their combined efforts will wear you down, break your spirit, and leave you vulnerable to the outright mean bosses.

In spite of everything, this is one game that I could never consider unfair. For starters, the controls are perfect. Ooh yep, I just said the "p" word, and that's damn tough to justify. Nevertheless, it's an opinion I'm willing to stand by. Batman moves, turns, and jumps with the finesse that you'd expect from a comic book legend. He also manages to have one of the earliest and best examples of a wall-jump. There's a really satisfying grip to it that makes scaling walls a good time. Keep in mind though that every leap is a commitment. You won't have to worry about moving platforms or bottomless pits, but you usually won't be able to recover if you second-guess yourself mid-jump. 

An enemy only has to get this close for Batman's punch to hurt them.

When it comes to offensive options, our hero has more than enough to work with. Batarangs are great for dealing with anyone at mid-range. If there's someone that you really don't want to struggle with, just pull out the bat-rocketgun to destroy them from afar. The bat-discus costs the most ammo, but its speed and range make it the problem-solver. Of course, you'll be relying on the bat-punch most of all. A rapid series of fists will swiftly eliminate anything less than a boss. Punches also benefit from a surprisingly large hitbox, giving them plenty of reach. Defeated enemies drop necessities like ammo & health, but they can also drop Bs. Bs give you bonus points, which are useless in game where everything respawns, there's no time limit, and you won't get a 1up no matter how many points you score.

Reaching the boss of each stage is a test of endurance. Nothing you'll face can cause instant death, but you'd be surprised just how fast prolonged encounters or dangerous obstacles can whittle your 8 health points to 0. One thing that you can always count on is that there will be a bad guy waiting for you after a jump or when climbing a narrow corridor. On the plus side, fights with flying foes can be counted on one hand. Almost everyone else you'll face has both feet planted firmly on the ground. Still, their placement and frequency are enough to ensure that you'll have to play it safe to survive. Very few players can effortlessly jump and jab through every situation. 

Since you only get three lives - all of which you'll need for the next boss - staying alive is an essential part of the game. That quite often leads to times where you'll farm respawning enemies for health pickups. They aren't especially common and restore just one point apiece. There are enemy generators placed in many convenient locations throughout each level. You'll spot them easily since they're mounted on the ceiling and spit out odd explosive things when Batman gets close. The only issue is that due to the rarity of health pickups, you will most likely spend indeterminate amounts of time engaged in these farming sessions. I won't lie. This can get frustrating, especially if the enemy slides between Batman's punches and steals a bit of life away.

In light of all that I've said so far, the first stage of this game can be easily conquered by players of almost any skill level. That feeling of confidence will disappear soon afterwards, because stage 2 doesn't mess around. Electric coils and grinding gears sap health from anyone who executes a less-than immaculate jump. It'll take quite a lot of practice to get through this insanity without taking tons of damage. Don't worry though, because practice is the one thing you'll get plenty of. The second boss is a multi-phase battle that demands its players use every tool in Batman's kit. It's not likely that you'll destroy it on your first, second, or even third try. You know what happens after your third try comes up short: the runback.

All of the following stages operate on this same principle. You'll contend with countless ordeals over the course of the stage, struggle valiantly yet fruitlessly against the boss, and then do it all over again. After enough attempts, the runback will be committed to muscle memory, and you could very well ace it every time. That still leaves the boss, which is often designed around a specific approach. Learning and executing upon that approach is the quickest way to defeat them, but again it's not something that'll just occur to you during the battle. 

Keep in mind that above all else, this is still your game, and you can play it however you want. Save-states, game genie codes, guides, whatever works for you. I'm just going with what I believe to be the developer's intentions. They made a short yet fiendishly tough game that all but requires players to repeat stages until they've worked out a winning strategy for the boss that has eluded them for so long. It's brutal, yet also not unfairly so thanks to the unlimited continues and absence of instant death. I certainly won't complain about the controls, graphics, or music either; Top-class all around. They help to make that third or fourth climb through the final stage's clocktower a little less painful. 

No matter how you go about it, Batman: The Video Game remains a must-play for any fan of the NES. It's an expertly crafted adventure with a lot of depth and replay-value. The bosses and inevitable runbacks that'll ensue are pretty damn harsh, so be wary if you decide against any assistance. I could get nitpicky and ask that hearts replenish more than one health-point, if only to make farming sessions go by just a little quicker. Maybe that's not the idea, and I should embrace the runback instead of trying to avoid it. Oh well.

Super Nintendo look - D-Force

Today we're going to take a gander at what lies at the bottom of the barrel. Amongst the sticky muck is a nearly 35-year-old tragedy best left forgotten. I call D-Force a tragedy not just because it's the worst shmup on the Super Nintendo, but because it can't attain the lofty distinction of worst shmup on a 16-bit platform. Sorry, but that title belongs to Curse, the Mega Drive exclusive abomination. It might not even be the second worst out there. One of you fine folks out there has played XDR: X-Dazedly-Ray, right? Don't answer, because the tears in your eyes say it all. 

Why was the world graced with the second (or third) worst shmup on a 16-bit entertainment system anyway? The blame starts with Saddam Hussein and his invasion of Kuwait on August 2nd, 1990. This led to the United States forming a coalition with 42 other countries to launch Operations Desert Shield and Desert Storm. The War in the Persian Gulf ended in less than a year but still provided game publishers an entire generation's worth of ideas for potential video games. Asmik was one such publisher that acted on it, commissioning Cream (that's the developer's name) to make D-Force. In Japan it's referred to as Dimension Force, which makes more sense once you know the full context of the game, but dropping the "imension" probably saved Asmik a couple bucks on the western release. Anyway, the goal is to pilot an Apache Helicopter and destroy an Evil Middle Eastern Dictator's plans of world d- actually never mind. The whole mission goes sideways and pear-shaped by the time you reach stage 2.

Your mission to stop a... bunch of bad things from happening (???) takes place over the course of 7 vertically scrolling stages. You'll realize things are unwell the second the action starts. While the Apache you're in control of seems to move smoothly enough, everything else from enemies to projectiles runs at a poor framerate. I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say bullets move at 20 frames per second, dropping down to 15 FPS or less when there are more than 10 onscreen. That's total insanity for a shmup, a genre where contact with even the smallest projectile usually results in immediate death. This is honestly reason enough to drop the game entirely. Maybe it isn't unplayable, but it's most certainly not fun. The only reason you'd want to continue is if you're me and in the midst of reviewing this piece of junk. 

If you're willing to put up with the awful framerate and questionable hitboxes, then you're greeted with Stage 2. D-Force has a gimmick where three stages utilize the Super Nintendo's Mode 7 capabilities, so your Apache can raise or lower its altitude with a button press. Conceptually, there's something of value here, but unsurprisingly the implementation feels like it was abandoned during the alpha stages of development. In the second stage, you can fly in the sky to shoot down huge birds or fly closer to the ground and destroy some dinosaurs.

Dinosaurs, huh... Yeah, this is exactly why I said Dimension Force was the more sensible name. If you were expecting anything cool from a shoot-out with dinosaurs, then take in the sight directly above this paragraph. That's as exciting as it gets. The boss is a T-Rex, which doesn't seem to do anything besides swipe with its tail. This STG has terrible difficulty balancing. Every other stage is so wrapped up in its gimmick that it doesn't produce anything worth a challenge.

Then again, it's not like D-Force is capable of creating a fair challenge. Most of your deaths are going to come from questionable hitboxes, the wonky framerate, enemies bumping into you from offscreen, and some bizarre attempts at creating a thrilling mid-boss or boss. To better explain what I mean, look at the mid-boss just below this paragraph. The two tanks here don't have a lot of hit-points, but if you're not in the precise spot when the fight starts, then you'll get clipped by the surprisingly frequent bullet-spreads or forward-mounted cannons. In any other shmup, evading their patterns wouldn't be a big problem. However, when this one can't even deliver on the basic fundamentals of the genre, then you have every reason to feel unconfident about surviving what should be fairly simple attacks. 

Then you reach stage 4 and it's in Ancient Greece or something. There are statues spitting fireballs up above, and statues firing arrows down below. I think I saw some catapults too, but none of it matters. This is another one of those nothing stages that exist solely to prop up the gimmick. The one added feature that contains any significance is the inclusion of walls. It's something new to crash into. Thanks. At this point, I'll settle for whatever's handed to me. The boss is a cross between Cerberus and a displacer beast, or... I don't care. Whatever it is, it doesn't put up a fight. Next stage!

What can be considered the second half of D-Force has the player contending with aliens. Stage 5 is the requisite ice stage, with what sounds like the theme from E.T. playing on loop. Yes, I'm talking about the Steven Spielberg E.T. This is the point when despair creeps in, followed by intense waves of hopelessness. It's maddening. Truly maddening. Adding to the pain is a boss-fight that takes exponentially longer than any other in the game. Stage 6 was a much-needed laugh. Since you can't see what's above you, pressing the altitude-adjust button at the wrong time might lead to this:

Isn't that hilarious?! You hit a button and BOOM! instant inexplicable death. Fabtastic! Oops. I think I accidentally tried to combine fantastic and fabulous. Dammit. How is this game not over yet? I've already suffered enough. Mercifully, all that remains is the final stage. The only catch is that it's a boss-rush. Oh, and it features tiny ships that attack from eight directions at once. You've seen and hated them in other games, and you'll hate them here too. 

Looking back at the irredeemable mess I've just experienced; there is only one conclusion. I was wrong. Curse is not the worst 16-bit shmup ever. It's D-Force by a few light years. It's simple math, really. On average, Curse takes between 15 and 20 minutes to complete, D-Force takes 35 to 40. That's more than twice the punishment! Curse also had some sweet box-art that'd look great on any shelf. D-Force's boxart is... I don't know! I don't care! I'm done! I don't want to see, hear, or think about this atrocious nightmare any longer!

Goodbye!

Super Nintendo look - Breath of Fire 1

I finished Breath of Fire! This Capcom RPG has been haunting me for over three decades, but it's finally over and done with. There's nothing left to do now but for me to talk about my thoughts on the game and maybe get an understanding of why it took 30 years to finish. As always, I'll try to keep this read a light one, but no guarantees. 

Allow me to get the most flawed aspect of this game out of the way early. By that I mean the battle system. Now, conceptually it's perfectly acceptable. Ryu, the protagonist is your standard "young man with a sword and mysterious powers". Over the course of his adventure, he recruits seven other heroes, all of whom have their own roles to play both inside and outside of battle. The first person he teams with is Nina, whose mastery of healing & support spells makes her an essential part of almost every battle. Then there's Karn, whose ability to merge with certain characters turns him into a nearly invincible chimera. Bleu casts powerful attack spells, and that's more than enough. Past those four is everyone else, whose purpose is limited to "hits stuff" or as morphing fodder for Karn. I can't say anyone is useless in a fight. After all, nearly a quarter of the game is spent with just three party-members, Bo the hunter being one of them. Going further, everyone is capable of the basics such as attack & item-usage. However, in the interest of efficiency, it's best to stick with whomever hits the hardest. 

I say all of this because Breath of Fire 1 has an offshoot of the "reverse difficulty" problem. The monsters hit hard enough early on and will get stronger as the story progresses. However, the strategies necessary to eliminate them will eventually devolve into "Ryu turns into the strongest dragon and hits the 'I win' button". This problem isn't immediately noticeable, but let's consider the first and only brick wall in the entire game: The Gremlin. After a series of quests involving two neighboring villages, Ryu and his two pals must deal with a General who has taken control of a powerful golem. This game has a thing for Generals, as you're running into them constantly for the first 2/3rds of it. Anyway, this General becomes the Gremlin, a nasty foe who requires every last one of your resources to take down. That means all of those items that cast spells when used as well as the meats you've acquired from several boar hunts. You'll have to throw everything you have - which isn't much - at this boss. It's a brutal encounter, and actually not a sign of things to come.

Ryu receives his first dragon forms shortly afterwards, turning him from just another sword-swinging shmuck into a God of war. To add to this, one of the next areas he visits is filled with gold slimes, notable for the massive gobs of experience they leave behind when killed. This is the point where Breath of Fire 1 all but surrenders. You've already overcome its greatest challenge. If you ever find yourself struggling again, then you have two readily available means of dealing with the source of those struggles. Every boss after the Gremlin almost feels quaint, and I'm fine with that.

It's the post-Gremlin part of this game that's the most fun. Yeah, the fights are one-dimensional, but everything else is quite good. After recruiting Karn, players can return to various locations to unlock doors and collect the loot that lies beyond them. I love this sort of thing in RPGs. Receiving the KEY in Final Fantasy 1 still gives me the warm fuzzies. The early Dragon Quest games also had a few keys to play around with. This Metroidvania-lite feature extends to future recruits such as Ox and Mogu, both of whom have their own means for reaching hidden treasure. I wish that there were even more places to return to for more goodies, but maybe that's just the greed talking. Seriously though, this aspect of exploration does a lot to separate Breath of Fire 1 from its contemporaries. I know there are a few more modern RPGs that do something similar; Xenoblade Chronicles 2 immediately comes to mind. Still, I admit to being preferential of how it's handled in classic RPGs, particularly since the 2D nature of it all makes it easier for me to recall the locations of missed treasure. 

Breath of Fire 1 also does a good job of avoiding the doldrums of the town -> dungeon -> town -> dungeon cycle. Just to clarify, it's still there, but the locales tend to differ, and the circumstances often change. Early on, the interactions between the aforementioned neighboring villages makes doing quests for them a bit more intriguing than just another game of fetch. At one point, the party will need to purchase an expensive gold bar. Luckily, the town of Auria plays home to multiple "mini-quests" that offer players ways to make money that don't involve monster mashing. One of the late-game villages is trapped in time, and you'll have to go through a small time-loop in order to solve their predicament. It's these scenarios that keep the game engaging. 

Exploring dungeons is also fairly enjoyable. None of them are particularly large or convoluted. Typical of the era, they're linear with a few detours to acquire treasure. As the game progresses, they start introducing gimmicks, usually as an obstacle to keep players from rushing straight for the nearest staircase. The key word here is brevity. After a dungeon introduces its gimmick, whether it's teleportation tiles or spinning hallways, there's always a small test at the end to challenge a player on what they've learned. Some of these gimmicks are admittedly not the greatest, but the brevity makes them easier to stomach. Also, once they're dealt with, the chances that they'll be seen again are nonexistent. Better yet, dungeons never combine gimmicks into some kind of nonsensical super puzzle. Imagine if there was a castle that featured teleportation tiles, doors controlled by switches, and pits that had to be fallen through to reach new areas. Afterwards, breathe easy because there is nothing that absurd in Breath of Fire 1.

This play-through was done with the Definitive Edition romhack. Alongside the "War of the Goddess" rewrite and multiple QOL additions, there are changes to the mechanics to bring this entry in-line with subsequent BoF games. The leveling curve has been drastically overhauled. Level-ups occur at a much faster rate, but the catch is that the stat-boosts aren't as significant. It's a good chance, especially early on when levelling is required to survive The Gremlin. One of the other changes is that every attack Ryu makes while transformed into a dragon will cost AP. It's not a big deal, since most bosses will die before Ryu runs out. The few that survive? Just give Ryu an elixir and have him transform again. Do note that this isn't a difficulty overhaul. It's tougher in a few places due to the revamped leveling system, but that's about it. Simple but essential features like decreasing the encounter rate and letting the heroes sprint are more than enough for this romhack to live up to its name. 

All I have left to say about Breath of Fire 1 is that I'm glad it's finally over. I know that doesn't sound quite right, but keep in mind I've had it stuck in the nether regions of my mind like a splinter for over 30 years. All of my previous attempts at completing the game stalled out in the second half. I won't mince words, the most common reason why I stopped is that I found another game that I'd rather play. This isn't a knock against Capcom's RPG, or at least I don't think so. Considering their relative inexperience with the genre, they did a solid job. That said, all of the best parts of the game tended to involve using each hero's power to find cool stuff. Once I'd exhausted all of that, there wasn't too much else besides overly frequent random encounters and a battle system that only got less engaging with time. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I wish Breath of Fire 1 was an action-adventure game. It'd be a cross between Megaman X and Super Metroid. Doesn't that sound like the coolest thing ever? 

...You don't have to agree. I literally just thought of the idea a minute ago. My point is that if the fighting was as interesting as everything else, then maybe Breath of Fire 1 wouldn't get repeatedly shelved in favor of another RPG. Still, it's a promising start for Capcom. Surely the follow-ups will be even better... I mean... Oh, yeah... The only other entry in the series I actually finished besides this one is Dragon Quarter. I suppose I could attempt to rectify that, even if it means having to deal with the reasons why I quit entries 2 through 4 all over again.

It never ends.

Super Nintendo look - Pop'n Twinbee

Oftentimes, when Konami ports an arcade shmup to the Super Nintendo, there's significantly more slowdown. My hunch is that they do this on purpose so that casual gamers can enjoy their products. Take Gokujou Parodius for example. On the popular 16-bit platform, it's a generally breezy fun time. Undoubtedly, there's spiciness on the harder difficulties, but not to the point where players feel like they might as well fly into a brick wall dozens of times. That brick wall, by the way, is the original arcade version of Gokujou Parodius. That game becomes exponentially more painful for each stage the player manages to get through without dying. By the mid-way point, walls of bullets too thick to be measured with a yardstick will pound hapless gamers into oblivion. I might be exaggerating, but the point is, Konami makes games for everyday folks as well as masochists. A Castlevania that appears on the console everyone owns is usually going to be easier than the one that's exclusive to a niche personal computer available only in Japan.

The Twinbee series is peculiar in the sense that its aesthetics serve to attract the all-ages crowd, but when the time comes, it turns into a maniac-level epic that mercilessly humbles all who dare to underestimate it. I'll admit that I keep falling for this every time. Awhile back, I tried Rainbow Bell Adventures, the 2D platformer starring the Twinbee crew. At first, I was amused by its charming visuals and goofy details, such as the fact that it's possible to fly into the nether reaches of space on a whim. There's even a little counter to show the distance I've traveled from the planet. A few short stages later, I was struck with the realization that this silly platformer is beating all 127 flavors out of my ass. The constant supply of instant-death spikes and various other mean design elements resulted in a shockingly rough adventure. It's like the game is saying "I know you're trying to have fun, but I'm a Twinbee, dammit! I have a reputation to uphold!" 

Pop'n Twinbee follows those same lines exactly. Yes, it's a SNES-exclusive entry that features, of all things, a health meter. A shmup with a health meter is like a free win, right? Well, it IS a free win, to an extent. As usual, I'm getting ahead of myself, so let's summarize the basics. In this entry, players vertically scroll their way through seven stages, all packed with a wide variety of air and land-based targets to take down. In a nod to Xevious, the Twinbee ship can fling bombs to take out anything on the ground, provided it's a short distance directly in front of them. Power-ups take the form of bells and are hidden in the clouds. Shooting the bells will cause them to cycle through a multitude of upgrades, such as speed-ups, cannons or spread shots, options, and even shields. Gold bells award points, increasing in value as long as the player can collect more without dropping any. The blend of enemy-blasting and bell-juggling is what gives this alongside other Twinbee STGs its sweet and sour flavor. 

Each stage consists of a series of waves, where you'll fight 1 to 3 different enemies in a variety of arrangements. Again, most will prefer the air, while a few stick to the ground. There isn't a lot of overlap, so players will pick up on when one wave ends and the next begins. It's less natural than something out of, oh I don't know, a Toaplan shmup, but I can't complain. If anything, the constantly changing situations add to the cute yet surreal atmosphere. Later stages introduce a rival -bee to make the player's life just a little more hellish. Finally, the multiple phase bosses are all really good fights with some playful ideas.

Besides its health meter, this entry's exclusive feature is a screen clearing super attack. Collecting flashing bells will add to your stock, so the right idea is to spend the early stages hoarding, which will make the endgame a bit more manageable. The game gets increasingly chaotic the further you go, reducing the time you might have to get the exact bell power-up that you'd like. Still, the default setting is reasonable enough for aficionados, perhaps too much so. The shields acquired from red bells provide four hits worth of protection, and they're just as common as any other power-up. If you can keep yourself topped off with frequent shield pick-ups and the occasional restorative from land-based foes, then seeing the credits is almost a foregone conclusion. I mean, I don't want to make it sound that easy, but it's so rare to see a STG where the odds are stacked in the player's favor.

That changes if you set the difficulty to 7. I mentioned how most other Konami shmups have a lot of a slowdown. That is not the case here. Enemies will swarm the screen, pack it full of bullets, and you'd almost swear someone swapped your Super Famicom for a Neo Geo. This is one extremely crisp and fast-paced shooter, and the lack of slowdown punishes anyone who approaches every situation with a "Meh. I'll just dodge whatever's thrown my way." attitude. You're expected to be mindful of your position at all times, so you have the openings needed to lure enemy fire away. Also, even though you don't lose everything after taking damage, options will disappear, and they're actually quite handy at catching bullets. Basically, your life and death are ruled by momentum. It's fine when everything is going your way. However, the second you lose your rhythm, an almost Rube Goldberg series of mishaps will follow until you're staring at the Game Over screen.

If I shoot any of these fish, they're going to throw hot pink death at me.

The fun part is that we're not done yet. Pop'n Twinbee has a second loop, after all. Now, this loop runs with the assumption that its participants are already very comfortable with revenge bullets. Especially since on difficulty 7, they're introduced as early as the second stage. On the second loop, Konami introduces Double Revenge Bullets! It's not enough that an enemy releases a revenge bullet when you destroy it. Now, the explosion resulting from the enemy's destruction can release a bullet too. How do you deal with double the revenge? Well, you certainly can't double your aggressiveness. Instead, you'll have to avoid blasting some enemies entirely, just to create openings that you can fly through. This concept will be drilled into your head during the second boss fight. Its first phase alternates between firing waves of bubbles and sets of rockets. Don't even make an attempt to attack while it's firing bubbles, or you'll be drowning in bullets within the second. At first, I thought this loop was being punishing for the sake of it, but I can see what the developer was going for now. It creates a challenge that isn't just "We're giving you more bullets, nerd!" A little restraint will take you a lot further than you might expect.

Now if you don't want to fuss with all of those vengeful bullets, the easier settings in this game still provide plenty of fun. The health + shields system makes this a simple pick-up and play. Detana!! Twinbee fans might be disappointed with the missing charge-shot, but I got used to it before long. The bombs are a good substitute, and generally better for survival during intense situations. Another feature known as the "couple" mode is exclusive to two players. When enabled, enemy bullets will mostly focus on player 1, giving the (potentially less experienced) second player a chance to enjoy the game. It sounds like a really thoughtful feature, especially for gamers with kids. Again, this is Konami showing just how knowledgeable they are in creating games that can appeal to a wide audience. There's something in Pop'n Twinbee for both maniacs and normal people, making it another easy recommendation for fans of Super Nintendo shmups. 

Arcade Appreciation - Spinal Breakers

To save you all the trouble of reading longwinded pretentious intros and the thousand or so words that'll follow, I'll go ahead and state the obvious: Spinal Breakers kicks some ass. Give it 20 minutes of your time; in return you'll get 20 minutes of solid shooting mayhem, with just the right balance of complexity and raw thrills to keep you coming back for more. The insane sci-fi plot and gruesome visuals provide plenty of icing for your cake. 

This game is also one of the rare representatives in the shooting gallery or crosshair shooter genre. If you've played titles like NAM-1975, Cabal, and Wild Guns; then you already know exactly what to expect. For everyone else, here's a bit of a primer. This is a third-person shooter where the player-character crabwalks from left to right shooting everything that moves. Moving the joystick moves both person and cursor. Generally, the person moves at a normal methodical pace while the cursor is quick, a necessity for aiming at and blasting everything in sight. This game also features a dodge roll for avoiding danger. Keep two things in mind when rolling. #1 Be careful that you don't roll from a bad situation into a worse situation. #2 Your roll is not an invincible one. Trying to roll through gunfire will just leave you with a body full of bullets.

Even if you've never played a shooting gallery before, coming to grips with Spinal Breakers won't take long at all. This game utilizes a couple of player-friendly features that were pretty ahead-of-their-time for 1991. Destructible objects have red highlights, which you'll want to shoot since they might be hiding power-ups. The other extremely useful feature is that projectiles will flash when they're close enough to the screen to be imminently dangerous. Yes, bullets, spears, and anything sailing through the air is dangerous, but the flashing is an indicator that you shouldn't be anywhere near them. This is great for measuring threat levels while in a constantly escalating warzone. You'll never find yourself wondering "is that bullet close enough to hit me?" 

Starting with WW2-era Germany, Captain Waffle aka you will travel through 7 different times and places. The immediate goal is to fend off the Hildroid menace, who have taken the forms of humans in an attempt to wipe out civilization. Actually, I think civilization has already ended, and you're trying to figure out why. Gah. I probably shouldn't be skipping intros. Anyway, it's not important. What is important is that hundreds of green-blooded soldiers are out to eliminate you. Due to the frequently shifting time periods, you can expect to fight samurai, cavemen, dinosaurs, and so on. It seems like "fighting ancient history with modern weapons" was all the rage for a hot minute, so all of the usual suspects are accounted for. 

Most everything you come in contact with goes down in just a bullet or two, but you'll still appreciate the power-ups that can pop out of debris or corpses. I want to give a special mention to the shotgun. It's one of the two temporary weapon upgrades, and it rocks. There's a highly satisfying punch to it, which is really unexpected for any game that predates Doom. The slight increase in coverage makes up for the reduced fire-rate, giving you a great means of clearing the immediate area. Bombs can also be deployed when need a brief respite. Captain Waffle only has one life, but his health meter can last for a long time if you've got a talent for evasion and keep an eye out for restorative med-kits... and waffles. Spinal Breakers is an unserious game in the best way.

The first one or two credits can feel a little overwhelming. Enemies will not stop, and many will literally appear from thin air. That said, I found the difficulty to be pretty well-balanced. My first attempt was a massive struggle, and I died before I could finish the second stage. The next attempt went much smoother, and I got all the way to the (really tough!) fifth boss before dying. Just a little practice goes a long way. However, I suspect the final stage will remain a significant hurdle to overcome. It's very light on power-ups, too light probably. I don't recall seeing any. Maybe that's on me for not being extremely thorough. In any case, the difficulty balance is very good. You can see a lot with one credit and a modicum of effort, and there's plenty of incentivization to perform better thanks to the scoring and health systems. If you can avoid taking hits and build up a large health surplus early on, that can only help with the challenging endgame.

I don't believe I need to subject you all to a big outro, so I'll just say it again: Spinal Breakers kicks some ass. Give it a shot.